the feeling of being in motion again
dear livejournal,
it has been a long time. i had at first neglected you for a 115 page academic right-of-passage, and then for what is turning out to be one of the most intense summers of my life. intense because there is so much to feel and so little time to process it all. i have been living so strongly these months that any attempt to transcribe the abounding breathing stories i've been co-authoring with all my friends and lovers has seemed an impossible task.
it is not for lack of want. i desire, severely, to tattoo these memories on my insides, a reminder that my six years in chicago were years of superlatives, and to remember that i wouldn't want it any other way. but i don't know how to begin to describe the smell of the air or the feel of the concrete or the warmth of hands or the fever of my panic. it would all sound trite, it would have to rely on words that have existed to describe other things, and none of that, none of this life is "other things." it's only this thing. this giant, shaking heap of ambivalence, this ebb and flow of all those sensations you trick yourself into believing aren't actually ephemeral...
when i get to minneapolis (because it's happening, raechel, you are actually leaving), i think i'll feel more desperate to get these last few months in writing. i might even start a more legit blog. ya know, one with some clever title that includes self-important clues that i am a PhD candidate who is also radical, and that will perhaps hint that i am both vegan and relatively charming. ya know, one of those.
until then, in an effort to be in motion again, i'll just tell you--flowerly rhetoric aside--about my night: i went to a french restaurant with two of my favorite grad colleagues from my master's program. we drank red wine, ate bread, and talked about the future. from there we saw "julie&julia," which offered warm n' fuzzy reflections on relationships and was also testimony to the tranformative power of cooking and sharing food. it was delightful. after final hugs goodbye, i rode my bicycle home and smiled at all the bike punks along the way. it was, like so many that have preceded, a truly lovely summer night.
this is scattered and it is late.
more soon. xoxoxo
it has been a long time. i had at first neglected you for a 115 page academic right-of-passage, and then for what is turning out to be one of the most intense summers of my life. intense because there is so much to feel and so little time to process it all. i have been living so strongly these months that any attempt to transcribe the abounding breathing stories i've been co-authoring with all my friends and lovers has seemed an impossible task.
it is not for lack of want. i desire, severely, to tattoo these memories on my insides, a reminder that my six years in chicago were years of superlatives, and to remember that i wouldn't want it any other way. but i don't know how to begin to describe the smell of the air or the feel of the concrete or the warmth of hands or the fever of my panic. it would all sound trite, it would have to rely on words that have existed to describe other things, and none of that, none of this life is "other things." it's only this thing. this giant, shaking heap of ambivalence, this ebb and flow of all those sensations you trick yourself into believing aren't actually ephemeral...
when i get to minneapolis (because it's happening, raechel, you are actually leaving), i think i'll feel more desperate to get these last few months in writing. i might even start a more legit blog. ya know, one with some clever title that includes self-important clues that i am a PhD candidate who is also radical, and that will perhaps hint that i am both vegan and relatively charming. ya know, one of those.
until then, in an effort to be in motion again, i'll just tell you--flowerly rhetoric aside--about my night: i went to a french restaurant with two of my favorite grad colleagues from my master's program. we drank red wine, ate bread, and talked about the future. from there we saw "julie&julia," which offered warm n' fuzzy reflections on relationships and was also testimony to the tranformative power of cooking and sharing food. it was delightful. after final hugs goodbye, i rode my bicycle home and smiled at all the bike punks along the way. it was, like so many that have preceded, a truly lovely summer night.
this is scattered and it is late.
more soon. xoxoxo