musical angst. myspace feed.
apologies to those receiving this over myspace and/or facebook.
I know it's been an absolute age since anything new seems to have happened on my myspace.... and i'm sorry for that.
Truth of the matter is that i just haven't had any inspiration in months now.
I've come perilously close to just sacking it all in - hanging up the guitar and calling it a day. I've had arguments with people about what i really want to do, because what i've been doing isn't that.
There is so much stuff that i want to do... so many places i want to take all of this, and each time i look at it with a view to going further something pops up and stands in the way...and part of me just wants to give in to that, to say that it's gone as far as it could... but i know thats not true. I know that i would punish myself for a very long time over that decision, and im good enough at doing that already to know that is a Bad Thing(tm).
Then there are those rare fleeting moments which make it all so worth it. Being able to watch people i know realise something about me that they didn't understand before - the things you can't possibly plan, like a whole pub going silent as we soundchecked (followed by applause) - which admittedly was very weird at the time, but really impacted me after the fact.
It's those moments that make things so damned frustrating....
At present i'm in a rut... the writers block hasn't lifted, im unhappy with where things stand and we're heading into winter... which means i shan't exactly be in the best frame of mind for a while if past seasons are anything to go by... although this year has been pretty low full stop, so im still holding out a smidgen of hope there. Those reading the feeds of this post (Livejournal and Facebook) may be surprised to hear me being so frank about my state of mind.... but the fact i tend to suffer from depressive spells directly effects my musical output, whereas the more... shallow things i tend to post about on those platforms are less impacted by my state of mind... at least i like to think so...
I turned another year older this weekend, and am midway through my evaluation of the last year and my resolutions for the next.. one of which is to try to be more honest about some things. that immediately makes me sound as if i have been dishonest previously but thats not quite what i meant. I find it very easy to retreat into certain defensive stances ive built up, and they aren't really that helpful a lot of the time...
in some ways i'm quite fortunate that the last couple of months have been as busy with real life as they have to stop me from thinking much because there could have been real problems there if not.
So i guess what im trying to say is i don't know where this is all going. i'd love to be able to say im writing new stuff... but im not. hopefully i will be in a better position to look at doing so soon.... but i can't guarentee that... one thing i can say though is that as soon as i can afford it i plan to buy a keyboard, and look at the possibility of using keys. ive lost what little faith i had in my guitar playing, and i know i can belt out a few chords and make them sound ok, but its not subtle enough for what i hear in my head nowadays....
vocally im lacking in faith too, but thats a crisis of confidence more than anything - something i have overcome previously, and will do so again...
even through writing this random stream of consciousness the fog lifts a little, enough to see that actually it may just be my perspective thats beginning to shift a little... the hints of melodies and harmonies remaining in my conscious thought after daydreaming is quite different to what it was before... but the last thing i want is to sound like someone else... so i need to think carefully here because already names of comparable artistes are coming to the front of my mind...
and people wonder why i long for the simple life of being a backing singer....
if you've stayed with me up to here then kudos to you - anythoughts or opinions are very much appreciated.
I know it's been an absolute age since anything new seems to have happened on my myspace.... and i'm sorry for that.
Truth of the matter is that i just haven't had any inspiration in months now.
I've come perilously close to just sacking it all in - hanging up the guitar and calling it a day. I've had arguments with people about what i really want to do, because what i've been doing isn't that.
There is so much stuff that i want to do... so many places i want to take all of this, and each time i look at it with a view to going further something pops up and stands in the way...and part of me just wants to give in to that, to say that it's gone as far as it could... but i know thats not true. I know that i would punish myself for a very long time over that decision, and im good enough at doing that already to know that is a Bad Thing(tm).
Then there are those rare fleeting moments which make it all so worth it. Being able to watch people i know realise something about me that they didn't understand before - the things you can't possibly plan, like a whole pub going silent as we soundchecked (followed by applause) - which admittedly was very weird at the time, but really impacted me after the fact.
It's those moments that make things so damned frustrating....
At present i'm in a rut... the writers block hasn't lifted, im unhappy with where things stand and we're heading into winter... which means i shan't exactly be in the best frame of mind for a while if past seasons are anything to go by... although this year has been pretty low full stop, so im still holding out a smidgen of hope there. Those reading the feeds of this post (Livejournal and Facebook) may be surprised to hear me being so frank about my state of mind.... but the fact i tend to suffer from depressive spells directly effects my musical output, whereas the more... shallow things i tend to post about on those platforms are less impacted by my state of mind... at least i like to think so...
I turned another year older this weekend, and am midway through my evaluation of the last year and my resolutions for the next.. one of which is to try to be more honest about some things. that immediately makes me sound as if i have been dishonest previously but thats not quite what i meant. I find it very easy to retreat into certain defensive stances ive built up, and they aren't really that helpful a lot of the time...
in some ways i'm quite fortunate that the last couple of months have been as busy with real life as they have to stop me from thinking much because there could have been real problems there if not.
So i guess what im trying to say is i don't know where this is all going. i'd love to be able to say im writing new stuff... but im not. hopefully i will be in a better position to look at doing so soon.... but i can't guarentee that... one thing i can say though is that as soon as i can afford it i plan to buy a keyboard, and look at the possibility of using keys. ive lost what little faith i had in my guitar playing, and i know i can belt out a few chords and make them sound ok, but its not subtle enough for what i hear in my head nowadays....
vocally im lacking in faith too, but thats a crisis of confidence more than anything - something i have overcome previously, and will do so again...
even through writing this random stream of consciousness the fog lifts a little, enough to see that actually it may just be my perspective thats beginning to shift a little... the hints of melodies and harmonies remaining in my conscious thought after daydreaming is quite different to what it was before... but the last thing i want is to sound like someone else... so i need to think carefully here because already names of comparable artistes are coming to the front of my mind...
and people wonder why i long for the simple life of being a backing singer....
if you've stayed with me up to here then kudos to you - anythoughts or opinions are very much appreciated.