Things I would like one day... or thoughts ive been having..
not a definative list, nor one i shall bend over backwards to achieve.. but... in a perfect world....hel some i might already have and they are just there to remind me of that.. some are direct opposition to past experiences...
i would like to live in a house with a bathroom big enough for the kind of bath ive always wanted - oval, with taps on the side, and extra deep so i can languish in it...
that house/flat....
would need work doing to it, and i would spend evenings and weekends doing bits and bobs to it.. hair tied back, face speckled with paint making it my own...
bookshelves in virtually every room... filled with obscure books and everything... and a PROPER window seat.. or a chaise longue
a creative space... not necessarily a big room...but somewhere with storage, and somewhere i can be messy, indulging the side of me that longs to just make things...
would have a garden... where i can grow vegetables to cook with.. a herb garden, and seasonal flowers.
and a kitchen space where i wasnt cramped in... or confronted by mould and damp at every corner....
i would not be afraid to show my feelings, good or bad...
i could get up in my pyjamas looking mightily unkempt and that would be fine...
there would be
someone who i know could protect me without mollycoddling me..
someone who understood that sometimes.. you do just want to be on your own
someone who 'gets' all the weird idiosyncracies and still isnt put off!
someone who accepts me, and in turn is fully accepted by me
someone who doesnt make me feel i have anything to live up to
someone who is as happy snuggling on the sofa to qi as out at a pubquiz
someone who allows me time with my friends without insisting on joining in
someone who knows i am flawed and have issues.. and am sometimes a really big horrible chaotic whirlwind of evil... and isnt repulsed by that.
someone who can tell me things will be o.k when it seems like everything is lost and i believe them...
someone who is able to calm me down and help me relax
someone who isnt afraid to be firm with me when i need it.
someone who isnt afraid to do the right thing, even if it doesnt seem like the best idea.
someone who understands that whilst i may not appear to be having a barrel of laughs, i am quietly enjoying myself.
someone who understands silence isnt necessarily a bad thing.
someone who appreciates that i might not be the most expressive person in the world, but actually, each action has meaning.
someone who is willing to put up with my mothering/cleaning/fussing when stressed.. or sit on me to make me stop it when i go too far.
friends who understand, listen, encourage and support.
friends who reciprocate
friends who dont take advantage
friends who arent afraid to give me their opinions, but respect that i may not feel the same way
friends who come round for dinner :)
i would like ...
to be able to not feel like im at the end of the list of people i need to make sure are ok.
to be ok with not being ok.
to stop feeling guilty without due cause.
to get better
to learn to relax
to go on a proper holiday
to pay my debts off
to unwind
to dare to dream
to be able to meditate
to get an idea where i fit
to learn how to stop asking questions when it isnt necessary.
to have more faith in myself
i would like to live in a house with a bathroom big enough for the kind of bath ive always wanted - oval, with taps on the side, and extra deep so i can languish in it...
that house/flat....
would need work doing to it, and i would spend evenings and weekends doing bits and bobs to it.. hair tied back, face speckled with paint making it my own...
bookshelves in virtually every room... filled with obscure books and everything... and a PROPER window seat.. or a chaise longue
a creative space... not necessarily a big room...but somewhere with storage, and somewhere i can be messy, indulging the side of me that longs to just make things...
would have a garden... where i can grow vegetables to cook with.. a herb garden, and seasonal flowers.
and a kitchen space where i wasnt cramped in... or confronted by mould and damp at every corner....
i would not be afraid to show my feelings, good or bad...
i could get up in my pyjamas looking mightily unkempt and that would be fine...
there would be
someone who i know could protect me without mollycoddling me..
someone who understood that sometimes.. you do just want to be on your own
someone who 'gets' all the weird idiosyncracies and still isnt put off!
someone who accepts me, and in turn is fully accepted by me
someone who doesnt make me feel i have anything to live up to
someone who is as happy snuggling on the sofa to qi as out at a pubquiz
someone who allows me time with my friends without insisting on joining in
someone who knows i am flawed and have issues.. and am sometimes a really big horrible chaotic whirlwind of evil... and isnt repulsed by that.
someone who can tell me things will be o.k when it seems like everything is lost and i believe them...
someone who is able to calm me down and help me relax
someone who isnt afraid to be firm with me when i need it.
someone who isnt afraid to do the right thing, even if it doesnt seem like the best idea.
someone who understands that whilst i may not appear to be having a barrel of laughs, i am quietly enjoying myself.
someone who understands silence isnt necessarily a bad thing.
someone who appreciates that i might not be the most expressive person in the world, but actually, each action has meaning.
someone who is willing to put up with my mothering/cleaning/fussing when stressed.. or sit on me to make me stop it when i go too far.
friends who understand, listen, encourage and support.
friends who reciprocate
friends who dont take advantage
friends who arent afraid to give me their opinions, but respect that i may not feel the same way
friends who come round for dinner :)
i would like ...
to be able to not feel like im at the end of the list of people i need to make sure are ok.
to be ok with not being ok.
to stop feeling guilty without due cause.
to get better
to learn to relax
to go on a proper holiday
to pay my debts off
to unwind
to dare to dream
to be able to meditate
to get an idea where i fit
to learn how to stop asking questions when it isnt necessary.
to have more faith in myself