colliding
Sometimes you have days that just blow by, and somedays you have an epiphany that lasts for 20 minutes, and others change you forever. well today i think my day just blew by, but id like to reflect anyhow.
Sometimes im really upset about how my life has turned out, and others im really excited for every waking moment. with christmas coming things are getting really hectic, but i think ive been managing well. then i think about things a little deeper and im really scared that my direction is just a hoax on myself. like my mind is playing this really sick game that leads me to believe im going to be this great thing, when in all actuality im probably gonna be some hack waitress, with 10 kids and a shitty husband because ill probably just give up. i get alot of shitty things thrown in my direction and it just seems like everytime it gets harder and harder to trudge through.
BUT... really... those shitty things seem to just make me stronger.
Im getting tired of my parents behaving like kids, and im getting sick of my grandmother thinking she has to drink her days away. its so sad. and i really hate guys that think its cool to mean the world to a girl one moment then they couldnt give less of a fuck about her the next. like why even bother talking to the girl if youre just going to blow her off in a few days? its tiring. wouldnt it be easier to just chill at home save your money and masturbate? this isnt just a me thing, i see it happening to close friends and it hurts me to see them hurt. all of this stuff that happens just makes me want to change things, and build something positive. i may hurt sometimes and i may want to give up sometimes, but i wont because i will not let ANYONE get the best of me. ive come too far and worked to hard to become a good person. i know im a good person and if someone doesnt want to like me or respect me, fuck them. im pure hearted, intelligent, and glad to help anybody out, no matter who they are. i know what sort of life i deserve and i know i really will only have myself to depend on in the end. thats how its always been.
hows that for a self- inspiring pep talk... just some tired pms rant... but i think it needed to be said.
i miss being in love. especially at christmas time. this will be my first christmas on my own in 5 years.
its sad but a huge money saver i guess.
Sometimes im really upset about how my life has turned out, and others im really excited for every waking moment. with christmas coming things are getting really hectic, but i think ive been managing well. then i think about things a little deeper and im really scared that my direction is just a hoax on myself. like my mind is playing this really sick game that leads me to believe im going to be this great thing, when in all actuality im probably gonna be some hack waitress, with 10 kids and a shitty husband because ill probably just give up. i get alot of shitty things thrown in my direction and it just seems like everytime it gets harder and harder to trudge through.
BUT... really... those shitty things seem to just make me stronger.
Im getting tired of my parents behaving like kids, and im getting sick of my grandmother thinking she has to drink her days away. its so sad. and i really hate guys that think its cool to mean the world to a girl one moment then they couldnt give less of a fuck about her the next. like why even bother talking to the girl if youre just going to blow her off in a few days? its tiring. wouldnt it be easier to just chill at home save your money and masturbate? this isnt just a me thing, i see it happening to close friends and it hurts me to see them hurt. all of this stuff that happens just makes me want to change things, and build something positive. i may hurt sometimes and i may want to give up sometimes, but i wont because i will not let ANYONE get the best of me. ive come too far and worked to hard to become a good person. i know im a good person and if someone doesnt want to like me or respect me, fuck them. im pure hearted, intelligent, and glad to help anybody out, no matter who they are. i know what sort of life i deserve and i know i really will only have myself to depend on in the end. thats how its always been.
hows that for a self- inspiring pep talk... just some tired pms rant... but i think it needed to be said.
i miss being in love. especially at christmas time. this will be my first christmas on my own in 5 years.
its sad but a huge money saver i guess.