Catharsis
Title: Catharsis
Pairing: Tao/Kris
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: Triggers, Adult Content, OOC
Chapters: 1/1
Summary: Tao encounters Kris for the first time in four years at the Dragon TV New Year’s Eve Gala in Shanghai.
AN: Hello dear readers. For those who are familiar with my works, welcome back and I apologize for being gone for so long (and a little rusty). For those who are not, I will provide a little background as to who I am and why I have chosen to write this story. I have been an EXO fan since before they debuted in 2012. I can remember back to the excitement of seeing each member’s debut teaser video that explained their names, what their super power was, and referenced a general persona. I was immediately drawn to both Kris and Tao. After debut and as fans got a closer glimpse into the dynamics of their relationship, I really fell hard for both boys and for taoris. That being said, I’ve authored a number of taoris stories over the years. I’m thankful to both Tao and Kris for serving as my muses as I honed my writing craft. I will always treasure both of them. This story will be my final taoris fic that I will write but I support both men in their future endeavours. For the taoris lovers who have been there since the beginning and the “denim gege” days, this is for you~ China-line forever.
Tao’s stomach was in knots as his car approached the looming building that was the Mercedes-Benz Arena. The structure, shaped like a flying saucer, was illuminated with lights and the low bass from the music to greet the celebrity guests could be heard from where Tao’s car sat in the queue to pull up.
Tao sighed heavily through his nose, closed his eyes, and pressed his forehead against the cool glass of the car window. He had been both anticipating and dreading this night for weeks.
“You’ll smudge your foundation!” Tao’s makeup coordinator fussed, lightly tugging on his jacket sleeve. Wardrobe had selected a red sequined jacket adorned with black flowers and paisley along the trim. His silky black hair was styled to look mussed and inviting. “I won’t have a lot of time to retouch you before you walk out.”
“It’s fine.” Tao managed to grit out between clenched teeth. He angled his body more towards the car door and tried to calm his erratic heart.
Yesterday there had been rehearsals for tonight’s performances. There had been a chance that Tao would run into him during rehearsals but the folks at Dongfong at least had the foresight to slot Tao for a different practice time. Tao was grateful. He needed as much time to prepare himself as possible.
Tao knew there was going to be tension around tonight. Already he had seen girls going after each other on Weibo once it was announced that not only Huang Zi Tao, but also Wu Yi Fan would be closing out the year together on national television; forced to endure each other’s presence for three hours. Hailang’s versus meigeni’s. Everyone was holding their breath for how the two long-lost bandmates would interact in their first televised meeting in four years. A large number were anticipating a fight. Tao’s management and PR team had warned him to act professional and to steer clear of Kris if possible. Tao imagined Kris’ management had told him the same.
Things had become ugly in the past few years since, what Tao referred to in his head as, The Incident. Tao had said things. Terrible, horrible, regrettable things that had come pouring out of Tao’s mouth when emotions were running high and the pain was still raw. SM Entertainment had forced the remaining Chinese members almost immediately back into the spotlight. Forced them to smile through the pain each one felt at the betrayal by their leader, their Duizhang. Tao, Yixing, and Luhan had been mostly kept in the dark about what really had happened. They were to act as if everything was normal. EXO would prevail! They were eleven members strong. Then ten members strong. And then Tao began to question and open his eyes to things he had turned away from before. Escape was a necessity for the survival of his own sanity.
Tao didn’t like letting his mind wander back to that time. Instead, he liked to simply block it out. He admitted it hurt when he heard rumors being spread about negative things Kris had supposedly said about him and their other former members. It was a difficult situation to be in and he was hearing conflicting reports of how Kris was these days.
Yixing had confided in Tao that Kris had been formal, stiff, borderlining on rude when he’d run into their former leader at a CCTV event. Tabloids and fan blogs had swirled with gossip that Kris had been ignoring Yixing on purpose. However, Luhan had run into Kris earlier in the month at an event and reported the exact opposite to Tao. Kris at iQiYi Scream Night had been seated beside Luhan and the two had conversed easily. That being said, it wasn’t the first time Luhan and Kris had bumped into each other at industry events in China.
“It wasn’t awkward?” Tao asked, stretching his legs from where he sat. He was perched in a large armchair that looked out on the city scenery outside his apartment. Tao glanced to where his phone glowed on speaker phone as he mindlessly traced shapes with his fingers on the nearby side table.
“No.” Luhan’s voice resonated in Tao’s apartment, his voice high but smooth. Tao had always admired Luhan’s vocal skills and the familiar voice brought a soft smile to his face. It had been months since they had last spoken like this.
“He was fine.” Luhan continued on, “But we also talk on WeChat every now again and it’s not like this was my first time seeing him since then.”
“Yeah… since then.” Tao repeated, surprised but also annoyed at the unpleasant fluttering that started in his stomach hearing those words.
“Tao, you two cannot keep avoiding each other forever. Especially in China. You two need to talk.” The elder scolded. “What will you do if you run into him before then?”
Luhan’s words echoed in Tao’s head when he felt the car move beneath him. The dark haired man jolted in his seat, broken of his daydream as Tao’s PR coordinator spoke from the front passenger seat.
“We’re here. You were here last year so you know the lay of the land. Remember to pace yourself and to hydrate. You’re opening the show so all eyes will be on you. This is an exciting night. Your image will still be riding the high of the new single release. Enjoy yourself but be mindful of your surrounding company. We don’t want any bad press.” The man warned, raising an eyebrow. Tao knew precisely who he was referring to.
“Thank you.” Tao swallowed, his stomach still churning as someone from the outside opened the car door. He looked quickly between studio team. “Thank you all for your hard work this year. I will do my best.”
And with that, Tao was stepping from the vehicle and into the searing white flashes of the paparazzi's cameras.
It was chaos backstage.
There were boom mic operators running down the hallways towards the various waiting rooms for last minute interviews, there were hoards of staff chasing after the various celebrities, and wardrobe coordinators running in a hundred different directions holding bagged dry cleaning.
Tao clutched the card in his hand with the number of his waiting room written down. He watched as the scene around him unfolded. The narrow hallways that connected backstage were bustling with people. An particularly hurried audio technician came down the hallway, pushing a equipment on a cart in front of him. The man headed straight towards Tao, unable to properly see the stunned singer. Tao jumped the side to avoid being hit only to slam into the side of someone else. Tao lost his footing, not expecting the collision, when a large hand grabbed him by the arm and steadied him.
“Woah. Careful.” A deep voice spoke spoke close to Tao’s ear and a shiver ran down the man’s spine. Tao could recognize that voice anywhere. It was a voice that had reverberated in Tao’s head so many times as he belted out rap lyrics all those years ago. It was voice that cut through all the noise when Tao was stressed and unable to settle down for the night. It was a voice that had whispered words of affection in dimly lit hotel rooms beneath a mess of bedsheets. It was a voice that Tao had spent the last four years trying to forget.
It was him.
The dark haired man jerked his head up and met a pair of hooded deep brown eyes.
Tao’s mouth fell open, the sound dying in his throat, as he became lost for words. The younger’s mind drew a blank as he stared up at the taller male. Apparently, Tao’s sudden appearance had startled the other as well. Both men stared at one another in silence for a moment.
Kris was still as painfully handsome as Tao had remembered him being. Kris looked like he just stepped off the pages of a manhua. He wore a black suit jacket embellished with a swirling leaf pattern, intricately stitched with silver thread. His black slacks carried the same pattern down the legs. The outfit fit him perfectly, accentuating the man’s long slim limbs and broad shoulders. He exuded confidence like he was born to wear those clothes and Tao suddenly became very self-conscious about his own styling.
The elder had his long black hair slicked back with only a few loose strands from his bangs resting against his cheek. His eyes were dark and burning as they quickly scanned Tao over head to toe. It made the younger squirm. It had been so long since they’d stood close together like this and Tao’s face flushed as the familiar scent of the cologne Kris always wore hit his nose. The heavy musky scent made Tao weak in the knees all over again. The grip on Tao’s arm tightened uncomfortably when Tao came back to his senses. He jerked his arm free and took a quick step backwards as if he’d been burned.
“Y-Yifan…” Tao gaped. “You’re here.”
Kris raised an eyebrow in amusement and Tao’s face burned even hotter.
“I mean, I didn’t think I would run into you so quickly.” Tao blabbed, internally cursing himself for not being able to think of anything more witty.
For years Tao had fantasized about what to say to Kris when the time finally came. He had thought about words of anger, words of comfort, but words of indifference seemed the most logical choice to protect the still wounded Tao. He had played around with what he wanted to say a million times and yet, here was Wu Yi Fan standing before him; looking just as Tao had remembered him that day Kris had packed for the flight to Vancouver. Tao had spent the past four years of learning to be independent, forging his own career path, growing from his mistakes, and yet Tao felt like he was twenty-one all over again.
“Hmm.” Kris hummed as he seemed to regain his composure. “Yes, my management mentioned you’d be here tonight.”
“I… yeah…” Tao wrung the waiting room card in his hands, “Would it be alright if we talked for a little bit?”
“We’re talking right now.” Was Kris’ cool response.
“I meant somewhere more private. There are some things I wanted to discuss with you but not in public.” Tao’s face really was burning bright red by this point. He could feel the flush down his neck and reach the tips of his ears. If there was one thing Tao hated most in this world, it was feeling out of control. It made Tao’s insides twist and his heart beat a little too fast. Tao was feeling out of sorts now, desperately trying to appear calm as he struggled to regain control of the conversation from Kris.
“I think we’ve talked enough in the past.” Kris said a few moment’s pause. The taller man ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He stood up a little straighter and eyed the other. Tao knew that look, Kris’ eyes were dark and calculating. He was trying to guard himself and figure out what Tao wanted.
The younger bristled at the words. Long buried anger stirring deep within him. Tao instantly felt annoyed, his hot temper he was known so well for during their idol time, flaring up within him. Tao willed himself not to react extremely. He wasn’t a kid anymore and Kris wasn’t his group leader.
“Don’t be like this.” Tao calmed himself and met Kris’ eyes in challenge. “I have to go find my dressing room now. The show will be starting soon.”
“You’re opening the show.” Kris stated more than asked.
“Y-yeah.” Tao swallowed, still not breaking eye contact with Kris. Kris looked like he wanted to say more but an awkward moment of silence passed between them instead. Tao could feel his heart in his throat and he clenched his hands in nervousness.
“Good luck.” Kris broke eye contact and turned to walk away.
“Yifan!” Tao reached out and grabbed the other by the wrist before he knew what he was doing. He tugged to stop the elder from leaving but Kris did not turn around to face Tao. The man stood there stoically, broad shoulders tensing at Tao’s touch.
“Sorry.” Tao let go of Kris immediately but the elder still waited there, not looking to Tao but listening. “Just… come find me some point tonight.”
“Zitao.” Kris exhaled heavily and Tao involuntarily shivered. He hadn’t heard the other speak his name in so long. It felt strange hearing it now, like a distant echo from the past. Kris’ tone was stern, almost scolding. It was the voice Kris used to take when Tao acted up or misbehaved in the dorm.
“I’m leaving first.” Kris twisted his neck slightly, sending Tao one hard look from over his shoulder.
Then as soon as he had appeared, Kris was gone.
Tao gripped the microphone tightly as he exited the stage and the sounds of the cheering fans faded. His whole body was singing with adrenaline, his blood pumping full force through his system, and his leg muscles a little tight from when he’d volunteered to perform one of his wushu moves.
Instantly, his staff was surrounding him. Someone handed Tao a bottle of water while another took a dry towel and rapidly patted Tao’s face. There were several people talking to Tao at once regarding his performance but Tao’s mind was elsewhere.
It was still early in the night and while Tao had been one of the first to perform for the New Year’s special, he knew there were a number of artists on the setlist until the show’s conclusion. Backstage, the artists were to hang out in the comfort of their assigned waiting rooms. The rooms were equipped with screens livestreaming what was going on outside on the stage. It was isolating in a sense and Tao didn’t want to spend the remainder of the evening locked in his room. Apparently neither the did the other artists. From down the hallway, Tao could hear a distinctive voice approach.
“Tao-ge!” Cai Xukun approached, waving his hand, as he waddled up to Tao in what appeared to be a pair of thigh-high river fishing boots. The twenty-year-old singer beamed at Tao, eyes wrinkling slightly in the corners from his smile. “Awesome stage! You did really well.”
“Thank you.” Tao managed, still working on evening out his breathing. “When you are going on?”
“Not until later. I think I’m the performance before Wu Kris.” Xukun pursed his lips as he thought. “I’m really excited to see him perform and maybe even meet him. I really look up to him as a rap idol.”
“Uh, what does that make me then?” Tao frowned, pointing to himself. Tao liked Xukun, he really did, but the singer’s young age often showed in some of the comments he made.
“Zitao,” Xukun dragged out the name, slinging a friendly arm around Tao’s shoulder in a hug. “You count as well! But Kris is… well Kris is Wu Kris! He’s known for his English-Mado rap and I really look up to him.”
“I guess.” Tao grumbled, still a bit annoyed that Xukun didn’t think Tao worthy of being a rap idol. Xukun picked up on Tao’s displeasure and gave him a playful punch in the arm.
“Don’t be jealous. Why don’t you come with me to his waiting room and say hello?” Xukun suggested, already starting to tug Tao towards one direction.
“Tao,” One of Tao’s staff members spoke, “I don’t think that’s wise.”
Tao had almost forgotten both his and Xukun’s entire entourage were hanging back in the shadows. Tao looked to Xukun’s staff but they were pointedly staring at the floor.
“Why not?” Xukun asked, tilting his head in confusion. “You two used to be in the same idol group, right?”
“Yeah… we were but…” Tao trailed off, trying to think of how to word it. Surely Xukun had seen all of the tabloids discussing the ‘war’ occurring between the two, but those were just tabloids. It would be another thing for Tao to confirm with his own mouth that he and Kris were not on speaking terms.
Tao wanted to talk things over with Kris. No matter how awkward it might be or how uncomfortable Tao felt, it needed to be done. For too long now Tao had been subtly cringing when reporters mentioned Kris’ name or throwing up at night after sweatily awakening from a nightmare.
“Tao, you should head back to the waiting room and rest after your performance.” Tao’s PR coordinator shook his head. “Xukun, I apologize on behalf of Tao but he will not be able to-”
“I can go.” Tao interjected sharply, “Xukun has never been introduced to Yifan before. It be easier for someone who already knows him to make an introduction.”
Tao’s staff was silent. It was difficult to argue to with their employer, Tao did own the studio afterall and they were all on his payroll. They could only advise him so much without worrying about crossing a line.
“Wow, see how close they are? Tao-ge, you even call Kris by his Chinese name. Please make an introduction for me!” Xukun bowed a little, hands pressed tightly together in front of him. “It’s a dream of mine to collaborate with Kris and it would mean so much if you put in a good word for me.”
“That settles it then. Which room number is he in?”
“Hello everyone I am Wu Yi Fan, here wishing everyone Happy New Year. I’m in Shanghai for the countdown concert, see you on stage soon.”
“Alright,” Kris’ PR coordinator clicked the ‘end’ button on the phone and gave him a thumbs up, “And we got it! Uploading to TikTok now.”
“Great, thank you.” Kris rolled his neck around and flopped back onto the couch pressed against the wall. Someone from his staff offered him a cup of water but Kris languidly waved them off. He pulled up Weibo on his phone and began scrolling through his feed.
“So, we are about an hour into programming now.” A woman from Kris’ staff began to read from her clipboard of notes, “You are to go on twenty minutes before the end of the program. We’re going to be opening with Tian Di, transition into November Rain, and then you should have enough time for a short New Years message before you finish with Hold Me Down. Remember to thank your fans and wish everyone health in the new year.”
“I know.” Kris sighed, his staff had been on him since rehearsals yesterday. No one wanted to say it in front of Kris but they were worried about a potential PR nightmare what with the presence of his former group member here.
Several times in interviews Kris had been asked directly by reporters what the nature of his relationship with Tao was. His staff had always advised him to remain quiet until the next question came along or to try redirecting the conversation to be about whatever film or song he was currently promoting. It was uncomfortable and an annoyance to Kris that the tabloids seemed to be trying to egg the two into a fight.
Kris had know for weeks that Tao was going to be at this event. He’d actually half-expected Tao’s management to pull the younger out of the event at the last minute. The two had been dancing this bizarre dance of avoiding each other in the small cesspool that was the Chinese entertainment industry. There were only so many popular young male artists. Kris had encountered both Luhan and Yixing on a number of occasions at various events but never Tao. As soon as Kris’ management heard news Tao would be at an event, Kris would pull out. Just as whenever Tao’s management heard Kris would be attending a event, Tao would mysteriously have a schedule conflict and no longer be able to attend.
“There’s someone at the door.” The voice of one of Kris’ staff members broke his thoughts.
“Sorry?” Kris looked up from his phone.
“There’s someone at the door. Do you want me to screen who it is for you?” The staff member checked.
“Uh sure.” Kris went back to his scrolling. “See who it is and if it’s no one important, tell them I’m busy.”
“Understood.” The staff member went to the door, barely able to crack it open a little bit to see who was outside, before the person on the other end of the door was slamming it open and barging inside.
“Wu Kris!” A loud voice startled Kris from his phone once again and he looked up in confusion.
A young man stood before him with messy dyed brown hair and long bangs that hung in his eyes. The boy was wearing an interesting outfit ensemble that consisted of red translucent gloves that only covered his fingers, a long black and grey coat textured to look like feathers, and what looked like rubber fishing boots. Kris raised an eyebrow as he took the sight in.
“I’m sorry,” Kris put his phone down and studied the man’s face, “Who are you?”
“Oh! Right!” The young man dropped into a quick bow. “My name is Cai Xukun. I am a very big fan of your music. I have been wanting to meet you for a long time.”
“You just barged right in here.” Kris commented, movement near the doorway drawing his eyes. Xukun followed Kris’ line of sight and beamed.
“Tao-ge! Come in here! Introduce me to Wu Kris!” Xukun called, prancing over to the doorway and dragging Tao inside.
Kris stiffened a bit, not expecting for Tao to have been in tow. The dark haired man’s face burning just as it had when Kris had run into him earlier. Kris narrowed his eyes. He had not seriously expected Tao to press the issue of talking but here the younger man was.
“Wu Yi Fan,” Tao nodded his head in a slight bow, “Forgive the intrusion. This is my associate Cai Xukun. He had been wanting to meet you for some time.”
“Associate?” Kris narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out the situation. “Is he signed to your label then?”
“No,” Xukun answered for Tao, not seeming to pick up on the tension in the room, “I’m not with Tao’s label. And I would say we are friends more than associates.”
“He wants to be a rapper… like you.” Tao said blankly. The dark haired man was watching Kris carefully and Kris clenched his jaw. “Do you have any advice?”
“My advice?” Kris glanced quickly at Xukun who seemed to be hanging on Kris’ every word. “Only write about that really has meaning to you in your music. You need to feel the message that you are saying and be able to relate. So long as you do that, your music will be authentic and well-received.”
“That’s great. Thank you so much.” Xukun smiled widely, about to open his mouth to ask more when Kris interrupted.
“Xukun, would you mind if we discussed this more later? Tao and I have some catching up to do.” Kris could practically feel Tao’s eyes boring into him. “Staff, could you also give us some privacy?”
“Of course.” Kris’ staff members answered before beginning to silently file out of the room. Xukun stood to the side, a bit stunned at the dismissal, as he took in how Tao and Kris’ eyes were locked.
“S-sure. I’ll catch you later then.” Xukun hesitated a bit in the doorway, noticing the two older men’s body language. The young singer closed the door to the waiting room and hastily ran his fingers through his hair. “I hope it wasn’t wrong of me to ask to meet Kris.”
The door to the waiting room clicked shut and Kris immediately rose from the couch so that he could stand face-to-face with Tao. The older man was slightly taller than Tao, forcing Tao to have to tilt his head back to meet Kris’ intense glare.
“What is this?” Kris said lowly. “If you’re trying to start a fight, I’m not going to make that mistake so you can get out.”
“I’m not trying to fight.” Tao frowned. Kris was incredibly close to Tao, he could feel the taller man’s breath on his face. But Tao wasn’t going to let himself be intimidated. “I just want to talk. Really, that’s all I want.”
“Tao,” Kris exhaled heavily, clenching his eyes shut and stepping away from the younger, “There’s nothing left to talk about. It’s been four years. You need to let it go.”
“How can I let it go?” Tao found himself shouting, an unpleasant twist in his stomach. Try as he’d like, the emotions were still there: the hurt, the betrayal, and confusion. Tears began to sting Tao’s eyes and he cursed. He hadn’t intended on crying and he didn’t want to Kris to see how much this still affected him.
“How can I let it go?” Tao repeated. “After all that we went through together as a group. No. After all that we went through as friends? All those years spent training together, eating together, laughing together. Does those mean nothing to you? Are you really this cold that you can just turn your back and pretend all of that didn’t happen?”
“You knew I wasn’t happy. It doesn’t matter how much I liked you or Luhan or Yixing. I had to leave. I could not stay one more day in that company.” Kris raised his voice, his cold exterior falling away. Kris surprised at how much seeing Tao cry still affected him. The elder was torn between pulling the younger into a hug or shaking him by his shirt collar. “I’m not your damn ‘Duizhang’ anymore so stop following me around like I am!”
“Fuck you.” Tao said lowly, fire in his eyes and he gave Kris a hard shove to the chest. Kris stumbled back slightly, large frame difficult to really knock down with only a simple push. Tao could not stop the tears coming out of his eyes now. He shoved Kris backwards once again but Kris let him; stoically retreating a few paces as he caught his balance. Kris’ face was blank and Tao’s blood boiled.
“Stop that! Stop acting like you’re so cool or you don’t give a shit about anything!” The younger went to shove the elder again when Kris caught Tao by both his wrist. The larger man easily twisted Tao’s arms behind his back, years of wrestling with the former material artist taught him how to properly disable Tao. The resulting position had Tao’s front pressed flush against Kris as he held Tao’s arms firmly.
Tao began to squirm, trying to break free when Kris barked at him, “Knock it off! You want a reaction out of me? Huh? You want me to yell at you? Is that what you want?”
Tao inhaled shakily through his nose and Kris released him. Both men were panting slightly from their brief struggle. Tao’s shoulders slumped defeated.
“Yifan, I thought I was your best friend. I was there for you when things got tough. I never told the rest of the group what you were going through because you made me promise not to tell. I thought you trusted me. I still haven’t told Luhan and Yixing all those things you said to me in private. I knew you were suffering but I thought we had agreed to talk to each other when things got tough. We were supposed to support each other. But then you just left.”
Kris’ throat was tight.
“You left and you never came back. You never even told me that you weren’t going to come back.” Tao brought a trembling hand to eyes and wiped at his face. “You blocked me on WeChat. I couldn’t even talk to you.”
“I had to because of the lawsuit.” Kris said softly. “I couldn’t involve any of you or your contracts would be in danger.”
“Some good that did.” Tao laughed bitterly. “Do you know how much management yelled at us after you left? They thought we all knew. Like we had all planned it together. They accused Luhan, Yixing, and me of not being loyal to EXO. They said that we were all just using the group to grow our own fame in China. Do you know how difficult you made things for us?”
“I’m sorry.” Kris spoke after a moment. “I didn’t want any of you involved.”
Kris moved closer to Tao. He hesitantly reached his hands out before he was gently holding Tao by the shoulders. Tao sniffed, refusing to look up, and stared down at how his feet fit so perfectly between Kris’ widely spaced stance.
“Especially you.” Kris spoke again, hunching slightly to try and catch Tao’s eyes. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You did.” Tao sniffed. “It hurt because I thought we were… closer than that.”
Kris cringed a little. There was a reason that Kris had asked his management to make sure he and Tao did not attend the same events if possible.
Luhan, he could deal with. Yixing, he could deal with. But Tao? Running into Tao would be different than running into another former group member. Kris would not deny it, he found Tao attractive. He found him attractive during their trainee days, he found him attractive during their debut, and even now - when Tao was covered in snot and crying his eyes out in front of Kris - Kris found Tao attractive. Perhaps it had been wrong of him to act on these impulses all those years ago but it had been too tempting. During their debut, the Chinese subgroup had exclusively prompted together apart from their Korean counterparts. It had been too easy for Kris to make up the excuse that as Leader he needed to share a room with the group’s youngest member. In the darkness of night, hidden away in hotel rooms, Kris and Tao had begun their torrid relationship. They’d always kept it a secret from the other members.
Kris didn’t even think he was gay but he liked Tao. Kris liked the glint in Tao’s eyes when they were rimmed with smokey eyeshadow, how he looked at Kris as if Kris was the coolest person in the world, and how nice his muscled body felt against Kris when they were entangled in a sweaty competition of who could last longer.
They had never admitted their true feelings to one another. Their relationship was solely physical. But Kris had acknowledged there had been a point where he contemplated telling Tao about the feelings he was starting to develop. It only made it all the more difficult when Kris did decide to leave the group; because when Kris left the group, it was in essence like breaking up with Tao.
“Shh.” Kris hushed Tao. He placed a hand behind Tao’s head, fingers weaving through the dark tresses out of habit, as he pulled Tao into a hug. He pressed Tao’s head against his chest, his other arm secured around Tao’s waist, he slowly swayed them.
“I’m sorry.” Kris spoke softly into Tao’s hair. “It was cruel of me not to tell you but I was worried you would try to stop me. I knew you would try to stop me, Tao. I didn’t know how to talk to you after that. I saw the interviews, that time you went on Happy Camp. I saw how much hurt I had caused you and I thought you must hate me. Everyone I spoke to in the industry told me that you hated me. I didn’t want to see you because I didn’t know how I would react. I was upset how you were channeling your feelings into anger and how you blamed me. I didn’t want for things to turn out the way they have. We’re basically strangers now.”
“I don’t want us to be strangers. I know we can probably never go back to the way things were but I hate not having you in my life. I want us to at least be friends.” Tao’s voice was small. “Yifan, you were my best friend.”
Tao finally picked his head up and met Kris’ gaze. Teary amber eyes stared deeply into dark brown ones. Kris studied the strong line of Tao’s nose to the plumpness of his lips. Kris found himself smiling slightly, he always loved the slight pout to Tao’s upper lip. The younger’s makeup team had chosen a nice shade of pink for his lipstick and it made his lips look so inviting.
“Yifan?” Tao whispered, noticing where Kris’ eyes were lingering. A spike of adrenaline ran through Tao’s body, unable to move as he waited in anticipation of what Kris would choose to do next.
“Tao.” Kris’ voice was like velvet. The grip on Tao’s waist tightened, pulling him closer to the other, and then Kris was leaning down towards him with half-lidded eyes.
Tao’s breath hitched, watching as if almost in slow motion Kris’ face moved closer towards his when-
“Wu Yi Fan?” A loud voice and a knock at the door startled the two men.
Kris let go of Tao quickly, cursing. Tao’s face flushed and he cupped his cheeks, heart beating erratically.
“What?” Kris shouted back annoyed.
“You only have thirty minutes until your stage and we still need to finish your hair and makeup.” The staff member called back, not daring to open the door.
“Alright. Give me a minute.”
Kris turned his attention back to Tao. Tao’s face was on fire again and Kris smirked. He rested a large hand on top of Tao’s head.
“Come to my hotel after tonight’s stage is done. There are still some things we need to talk about.” Kris ruffled Tao’s hair and began to walk towards the door to let the staff in.
“What was that? What did you just try to do?” Tao broke himself of his stupor.
“You know exactly what was about to happen. Don’t be awkward on stage. You told me to come find you earlier. Now I’m telling you to come find me after tonight’s show.” Kris opened the door and allowed his staff members to begin slowly trickling in. A few of them stole curious glances at Tao.
“I…” Tao trailed off, watching as Kris sat down in his makeup chair. A woman took out a large foundation brush and began furiously applying makeup to Kris’ face. The man looked to Tao out of the corner of his eye and quirked an eyebrow in question. Tao smoothed out his jacket and took his leave.
“Fine.”
The last hour of the show went by in a blur.
Tao had watched from backstage as Xukun performed his setlist. He smiled at the young rapper as he bounced off the stage after his performance and high-fived Tao. Tao congratulated the artist and laughed when Xukun bragged with pride about how loud his fans were chanting for him.
Then the lighting changed and out from the other side of the stage, Kris appeared. Kris took center stage, held his microphone up to his lips, and unleashed an onslaught of words.
The man’s husky voice rang throughout the arena to the deafening screams of fans. Tao closed his eyes and inhaled. He’d heard Kris rap so many times over the years and it still moved him to hear how much passion and feeling Kris threw into his music. It was one of the reasons the two had bonded so quickly in the beginning. Tao felt confident in his rapping abilities but he was always envious of how seamless Kris’ flow was. Tao listened quietly as Kris sang about love, hardships, and chasing after one’s fate.
Kris finished up his setlist to a roar of applause and then it was time for the rest of the artists to join the Dongfong hosts on the stage. Kris and Tao were told they were to stand next to each other for the countdown until midnight.
Tao had tried to contain his nerves as he was hyper aware of Kris’ presence next to him. Several times Kris had brushed his arm against Tao but Tao figured he was reading too much into and it was accidental. Kris must have sensed Tao’s nerves because at one point he made sure to smile softly at Tao. It was a reassuring gesture but did little to calm Tao’s heart.
Then the countdown was finally over and everyone was shouting celebrations for the new year. Tao had turned to the actresses closest to him, purposely trying to avoid Kris, as he gave her a hug and wished her happy new year. Tao was going to shake the hand of one of the male show hosts when Kris had turned around and advanced on him.
Tao awkwardly stood there, unsure if he should try and hug Kris or not, when Kris roughly grabbed Tao by the shoulders and threw him into a hug. It was a brief hug. The kind of shoulder to shoulder hug men throw their friends into. It was entirely different than the way Kris had hugged Tao in the dressing room only moments before.
“Meet me at the PuLi Hotel. Room 546.” Kris said in a quick whisper. Then he was releasing Tao from the hug and moving onto the next closest celebrity guest to congratulate on the new year.
Tao’s stomach was in knots once again as he walked down the long hallway of the hotel towards the room number Kris had told him.
Tao knew this was stupid of him to be doing. He’d made up some excuse to his staff about wanting to go out and have some alone time. They’d questioned why Tao just couldn’t stay in for the evening at his own hotel room and have them bring him food or whatever he needed to relax. Tao insisted he wanted to walk along the Huangpu by himself.
He counted the numbers on the doors until he reached the right room. Tao paused before the door and reflected one more time if he should just turn around and blow Kris off. Tao wasn’t naive. Kris intended on doing a little more than talking if he was inviting Tao back to his hotel room like this. Honestly, Tao was a little surprised at the invitation but he knew the sexual attraction was still there between them. It had been nearly impossible to keep their hands off each other when they’d been group members.
The younger raised his hand to knock when suddenly the door was swinging open and Tao was being pulled roughly inside.
The door slammed closed behind Tao and the younger stood there stunned, eyes blinking rapidly as they tried to adjust to the low lighting in the room. The room was practically dark save for a few dimly lit table lamps in the expansive suite. The harsh adjustment burned and Tao winced slightly. He didn’t need to see to know it was Kris who had him pinned against the door.
“You actually came?” Kris’ voice was deep. Tao could hear the amusement.
“You never answered my question.” Tao returned, body tense as he felt Kris slide a leg in between his knees. Kris had one large hand pressed against the door next to Tao’s head, the other firmly splayed on the younger’s chest.
“Hmm.” Kris hummed, the hand on Tao’s chest playfully adventuring down the man’s side. The touch sent electricity through Tao’s skin. “No one saw you?”
“No, I wasn’t followed.”
“Do you hate me?”
“What?” Tao asked, caught off guard. Kris continued to stroke his hand up and down Tao’s side appreciatively, fingers dancing along the planes of Tao’s tight abdomen.
“You heard me. Do you hate me?” The teasing hand stopped and Tao gently eased Kris off of him so that he was no longer pinned to the door.
“A little bit.” Tao confessed, eyes starting to adjust to the dark as he could make out the strong angles of Kris’ face before him.
“Why did you come here then?” Tao felt like a piece of prey being encircled by a predator. Kris was being impassive with his reactions, dark eyes sizing Tao up, as he waited for the right moment to strike.
“I don’t know. I guess I wanted to see…” Tao trailed off, eyesight fully adjusted now.
The young man stared at the former leader of his group. He took in the fact that Kris was boldly just wearing jogging pants, toned chest bare, and muscled arms crossed. Even in the shadows, Tao could see the littering of dark ink across the man’s skin. He could make out a few new ones that the other had not had during their idol days: the face of a lion, a series of words and numbers, and a pair of wings. Mesmerized, Tao reached out a hand before he was fully aware of what he was doing, and traced the scorpio symbol on Kris’ bicep.
“You still have this one?” Tao whispered. “There’s so many now.”
Kris lightly unfolded his arms and allowed Tao to continue his exploration. Long fingers ghosted over Kris’ skin, drawing gooseflesh in their wake, as they traced the outlines of each black mark. Tao dragged his fingers down the length of Kris’ arms, over his wrists, until his fingers were resting in Kris’ palms. The elder hesitantly weaved his fingers through Tao’s, gently pulling them through the spaces between Tao’s fingers. The movement was sensual and Kris could hear Tao’s breath hitch. They were being so intimate in this moment of silence. It reminded Kris of back in the days when they first began sleeping together and how they would spend hours like this in bed, just exploring one another’s body with curious touches.
“I have missed you.” Kris whispered, carefully enclosing his fingers around one of Tao’s index fingers. He held tightly onto the appendage, the way a small child would hold the finger of a parent. It was such a sweet childish gesture and it held symbolic meaning. That was the way Tao used to secretly hold Kris’ hand when they were in public. It had always sadden Tao that they had to be secretive with their affections but with this, Tao could at least pretend they were holding hands.
“I miss us.” Tao murmured, eyes flashing up only to find that Kris was staring intensely at him. Neither man spoke, both staring each other down, daring the other to make the first move.
Tao swallowed, eyes locked with the other’s mouth, as he slowly leaned in. Tao approached slowly, tilting his head to the side, plump lips parting slightly as his face neared. He panted, hot breath warming Kris’ lips, before he was softly capturing Kris’ mouth in a kiss.
The dark haired man moved his mouth softly, hot pants between them, as he sucked on the other’s bottom lip. He playfully used his teeth and pulled backwards, teeth grazing and dragging Kris’ lip outwards before releasing. Kris groaned and grabbed Tao by the waist, ducking his head and capturing Tao’s mouth in a hot kiss.
Kris kissed Tao like it was a battle. Again and again he worked his lips against Tao’s; large hands kneading and digging into the flesh of Tao’s hips, turning skin red from his ministrations. Kris was everywhere, kissing Tao harder, deeper, and with a scorching urgent need. Tao moaned brokenly and Kris’ tongue swiftly dove inside. The younger breathed a shuddering breath through his nose, arms wrapping around Kris’ neck, fingers raking through the taller man’s long black hair, as their tongues danced.
Kris’ hands cupped Tao’s rear and brought the smaller man’s hips forwards, leisurely grinding their clothed groins together.
“Ah!” Tao moaned. He broke from their kiss, lips wet and glistening. Kris pressed their foreheads together and moved his hips in a circular motion against Tao’s, delighting in how Tao’s body shook with restraint.
Tao was hard.
Kris could feel the man’s erection through his jeans and digging into Kris’ hip. It excited him to know that he still had this effect on the younger. Admittedly, he had been worried that Tao’s hurt and anger would have driven away all the feelings that were allowing this to happen.
“You’re so hot.” Kris huffed, peppering a series of hot open mouthed kisses down Tao’s neck.
Tao moaned and began to rub one leg against Kris’ side. The elder took the signal, their bodies falling into familiar patterns, as Kris hoisted Tao upwards with his hands firmly cupping Tao’s rear as Tao’s toned legs locked around Kris’ waist. The position gave Tao the advantage of height and he cradled Kris’ face, claiming the older man’s lips again and again.
“I want to take you to the bed.” Kris stated in between fervent kisses. Tao regained composure long enough to nod his head quickly before he was diving down to touch his lips to Kris’ once more.
Kris carried Tao and walked them towards the bedroom. He threw Tao roughly down onto the bed with such force that the younger bounced. Then Kris was digging his knees into the bed, legs straddling Tao on either side, as he began pawing at the man’s clothes. Kris pulled off Tao’s plain black sweatshirt, tossing it carelessly to some far corner of the room, as was he met with the sight of tanned skin.
“Fuck.” Kris cursed, desire throbbing within him as he gazed down at a body that was oh-so familiar. His vision followed the sharp cuts of Tao’s collar bones, down to the hard swell of his chest muscles, over the cut terrain of his flat stomach, and ended at the deep shadow of his Adonis belt. Kris loved this body. Tao was by far the best bed partner he’d ever had and a lot of that was due to Tao’s impressive physique and stamina.
“Take off my pants.” Tao instructured, reaching out a hand and running it down Kris’ chest.
“I thought you wanted to talk?” Kris raised an eyebrow and Tao snarled, bringing up a foot in an attempts to kick the other.
Kris caught Tao’s leg by the ankle and smirked, beginning to tug at Tao’s jeans playfully. Tao quickly undid the top button of his jeans, the material slipping through his hands instantly, as Kris furiously pulled them from Tao’s legs. The young man was just in his boxers now, his need evident by the strained material of his underwear.
Kris stood up from the bed and Tao propped himself up on his elbows to watch as the elder shed his jogger pants. The man wore no underwear beneath, unabashed of his nakedness, as he stood at the edge of the bed before Tao. Tao’s eyes were drawn to Kris’ impressive erection, a tingling feeling surging through his body as the sight of the hot taut flesh.
The younger drew him towards him with his eyes, a look of lust and desire evident on his face. The dark haired man’s hair was a mess by now, his face flushed with excitement, as he subconsciously wet his lips.
“Yifan.” Tao practically purred as Kris laid his body atop of the other. Kris snaked a hand between them and massaged Tao through his boxers, noting the wetness that seeped through.
“Are you sure you want this?” Kris whispered, fingers creeping towards the elastic band of Tao’s boxers.
“Yes.” Tao leaned upwards and gave Kris another open-mouthed kiss. He thrust groin against Kris’ hand in frustration.
Without another word, he was pulling Tao’s underwear off, hand wrapping around his length as he gave him a good stroke.
“Hn!” Tao’s toes curled in pleasure at the sensation. Kris spat heartedly into his hand and began to pump Tao furiously.
The younger cried out again, throwing his head against the pillows, as Kris propped himself on one arm and attend to Tao with his other. He studied his companion’s face, experimenting with pressure and speed to gauge which got him the best reaction out of the other. He twisted his hand as he stroked up and down Tao’s shaft, always making sure to give a teasing twist to the lip of the head. Thick white beads of pleasure were beginning to leak from Tao and Kris swiped his thumb through the liquid, digging his thumb into its crying opening.
Tao’s flesh was hot in his hands and Kris pressed a chaste kiss to the man’s sweaty forehead.
“Get yourself wet.” He whispered, continuing to stroke Tao just enough to bring him towards the edge but not with enough force or speed to allow him to come undone.
Tao brought his fingers to his mouth and began to suck on his fingers, occasionally moaning around them as Kris teased him. Tao sucked on his fingers hungrily, allowing his saliva to escape the corners of his mouth, as he got them to a point he felt was wet enough. Then Tao was arching his back, turning his body slightly on his side, as he brought his fingers to his rear entrance.
Kris shifted on the bed to accommodate Tao, his hand now switching from teasing strokes to sharp pumps. Tao hissed, pressing his forehead against Kris’ chest, as tried to focus on pressing two fingers inside of himself.
“That’s it.” Kris praised, voice low. He watched as Tao’s hand began to move, slowly working himself open. He pumped Tao hard and made the younger cry out. “Get yourself ready for me.”
“I can’t.” Tao huffed, lips grazing Kris’ sweaty flesh. He tried desperately to thrust his fingers deeper but the angle was wrong.
“This position… it’s too tough.”
“Move.” Was Kris’ simple instructions before he was maneuvering lower on the bed between Tao’s legs. Tao pulled his fingers free and allowed Kris to open his legs wide.
“Yifan.” Tao whimpered as Kris pressed a soft kiss to his upturned rear.
“Zitao.” Kris returned before he was plunging his tongue into Tao.
“Ah!” Tao arched, grabbing fistfuls of Kris’ hair as the man’s tongue breached Tao’s ring of muscles.
Kris worked his tongue into Tao. He alternated between tensing the muscles in his tongue so that he could sharply penetrate deeper into the other and curling his tongue to tease Tao’s inside. The younger was near delirious now, forgotten cock leaking precum against his stomach, as he heavied for air. Kris closed his eyes and pressed deeper, tongue in search of that special spot within Tao.
Tao mewled on the bed and Kris smirked, thrusting his tongue against that tight bundle of nerves. Tao nearly came in that moment had Kris not grabbed Tao’s member in a vice grip to stop him.
“Fuck!” Tao swore, cringing and kicking his legs out at the orgasm that never came. “Yifan!”
“Get on your knees.” Kris sat up, still keeping his grip tight on Tao’s member, as he situated himself behind Tao. He used his free hand to steady his member as he aligned himself. He admired Tao’s back in that moment, how the young man’s curly dark hair was matted against his neck with sweat, and the heart-shaped swell of Tao’s rear as he bared it for Kris to claim.
“Get ready.” Was Kris’ only warning before he was beginning to thrust inside.
Tao cried out, dropping his head between his arms, willing his back to not buckle, as Kris slowly slid inside of him. Kris wasn’t able to make it all in one movement so he had to shallowly thrust his hips and work himself deeper into Tao a bit at a time. It was both pleasurable and agonizing as Tao felt every inch of Kris slowly penetrating into him.
Once Kris was fully seated, he waited a moment, index finger and thumb still tightly clenched around the base of Tao’s member to deny him release. Tao panted, very carefully moving his hips to find a more comfortable position to not much avail. Kris was large. In the past, during the beginning of their intimacy, it had made being physically difficult for Tao the first few times. But with time and practice, Tao had gradually adapted to be able to take Kris in full force.
That was four years ago and while Tao liked to find release with fingers and the occasional toy, he had not allowed any man that privilege since he’d last been intimate with Kris.
“Are you alright?” Kris asked, voice strained as he concentrated on holding still despite the vacuum-like suction around him.
“Y-yeah.” Tao’s entrance flexed around Kris, struggling to accommodate the width. Kris’ hips stuttered at the sensation. “Just give me a minute.”
“Tao,” Kris gritted his teeth, “I need to move.”
“Okay.” Tao flexed around Kris in agreement and Kris began to move his hips.
He dragged himself backwards, nearly exiting Tao, before giving one long hard thrust and slamming back inside. Tao cried out, member pulsing in Kris’ hand. The younger dug his fingers into the bed and gasped. Kris had nailed that spot within him on the very first thrust.
“Fuck!” Tao cursed but Kris was already thrusting back in once again.
Kris rode Tao hard, their sweaty bodies making slapping noises in the darkness of the hotel room. For four years, Kris had been secretly missing this. Pleasuring himself and even sleeping with others did not bring Kris the kind of satisfaction that Tao did. Tao’s body was tight, hot, and the younger took all of thrusts in stride. Kris knew it must have been awhile for Tao but he couldn’t find it in himself to slow down now. Not when Tao was squeezing so heavenly around him.
“God, I missed you.” Kris pressed a sweaty kiss to Tao’s shoulder, back hunching, as he drove in deeper again.
“You feel so good. You always feel so good.” Tao praised, his member was leaking profusely onto the bedding now. His head was red and engorged, veins bulging along the side, as Kris kept his grip tight. “Please, please Yifan, let me come.”
“Not yet.” Kris bucked forwards, shifting from being on his knees to now raising himself up so that he balanced on one knee and foot. He was half standing in this new position but it allowed him to thrust deeper into Tao and to hit that spot dead-on. He thrust forwards and Tao saw white.
“Ah!” Tao cried out, member twitching in frustration at his inability to come.
Tao’s legs weakened, back buckling, as he sank down into the bed. Kris nearly growled as he grabbed tight to Tao’s hips and lifting his rear upwards to continue his onslaught. The force of his pistoning thrusts drove Tao’s face into the bedding and the younger moaned brokenly.
“Please,” Tao begged hoarsely, “Please let me come.”
“Shit.” Kris cursed, thrusting into Tao frantically as he neared his peak. He could feel it building inside of him. It was tantalizingly close and yet just out of reach.
Tao summoned the strength to begin squeezing in time with Kris’ thrusts and Kris groaned, drilling even deeper. He arched his hips forwards and backwards in a series of desperate thrusts, he was so close now.
“Yifan, please!” Tao sobbed, bringing one hand down between the bed and his body to grab at his member.
Kris finally released his hold and grabbed Tao’s wrist, forcibly moving Tao’s hand back and forth. Tao grappled for his member as Kris hastily jerked him while the elder thrust hard into him from behind.
The two men were near ecstasy now, their minds in sensory overload. Kris released Tao’s wrist and grabbed the man by the hips, fingers digging deeper into flesh, and he fucked Tao in abandon. Tao cried out, jerking himself, before he was coming undone and contracting around Kris.
“Tao!” Kris shouted, voice tight, as he stilled within Tao in almost pained manner and shot his pleasure. Kris panted, feeling himself come in waves, holding his hips flush to Tao as he made sure Tao received it all.
Tao whimpered, already being able to feel some of Kris’ release escaping from his entrance and dripping down his legs. Then Kris was pulling free, large sweaty hand turning Tao’s face so that he could give him a kiss.
The younger obliged and turned his head, eyes fluttering shut, as Kris kissed him deeply.
When all was done, Tao and Kris laid together on the bed panting. The sheets had been kicked to the bottom of the bed and the pillows were in disarray on the floor. Both men’s bodies were sheen with sweat as their chests rose and fell in time with one another.
After a few moments, Tao turned on his side and glanced at Kris, studying his face.
“What?” Kris asked defensively, still panting from exertion. Tao carded his fingers through Kris’ long hair and giggled.
“Does this mean we’re friends again? This means you have to start following me on social media.” Tao wore a mischievous look on his face. Kris groaned and grabbed a pillow from the floor, throwing it over Tao’s face. Tao squawked in scandal but Kris held the pillow firm, rolling over and coming to straddle the younger.
“Oh shut up, you.”
Pairing: Tao/Kris
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: Triggers, Adult Content, OOC
Chapters: 1/1
Summary: Tao encounters Kris for the first time in four years at the Dragon TV New Year’s Eve Gala in Shanghai.
AN: Hello dear readers. For those who are familiar with my works, welcome back and I apologize for being gone for so long (and a little rusty). For those who are not, I will provide a little background as to who I am and why I have chosen to write this story. I have been an EXO fan since before they debuted in 2012. I can remember back to the excitement of seeing each member’s debut teaser video that explained their names, what their super power was, and referenced a general persona. I was immediately drawn to both Kris and Tao. After debut and as fans got a closer glimpse into the dynamics of their relationship, I really fell hard for both boys and for taoris. That being said, I’ve authored a number of taoris stories over the years. I’m thankful to both Tao and Kris for serving as my muses as I honed my writing craft. I will always treasure both of them. This story will be my final taoris fic that I will write but I support both men in their future endeavours. For the taoris lovers who have been there since the beginning and the “denim gege” days, this is for you~ China-line forever.
Tao’s stomach was in knots as his car approached the looming building that was the Mercedes-Benz Arena. The structure, shaped like a flying saucer, was illuminated with lights and the low bass from the music to greet the celebrity guests could be heard from where Tao’s car sat in the queue to pull up.
Tao sighed heavily through his nose, closed his eyes, and pressed his forehead against the cool glass of the car window. He had been both anticipating and dreading this night for weeks.
“You’ll smudge your foundation!” Tao’s makeup coordinator fussed, lightly tugging on his jacket sleeve. Wardrobe had selected a red sequined jacket adorned with black flowers and paisley along the trim. His silky black hair was styled to look mussed and inviting. “I won’t have a lot of time to retouch you before you walk out.”
“It’s fine.” Tao managed to grit out between clenched teeth. He angled his body more towards the car door and tried to calm his erratic heart.
Yesterday there had been rehearsals for tonight’s performances. There had been a chance that Tao would run into him during rehearsals but the folks at Dongfong at least had the foresight to slot Tao for a different practice time. Tao was grateful. He needed as much time to prepare himself as possible.
Tao knew there was going to be tension around tonight. Already he had seen girls going after each other on Weibo once it was announced that not only Huang Zi Tao, but also Wu Yi Fan would be closing out the year together on national television; forced to endure each other’s presence for three hours. Hailang’s versus meigeni’s. Everyone was holding their breath for how the two long-lost bandmates would interact in their first televised meeting in four years. A large number were anticipating a fight. Tao’s management and PR team had warned him to act professional and to steer clear of Kris if possible. Tao imagined Kris’ management had told him the same.
Things had become ugly in the past few years since, what Tao referred to in his head as, The Incident. Tao had said things. Terrible, horrible, regrettable things that had come pouring out of Tao’s mouth when emotions were running high and the pain was still raw. SM Entertainment had forced the remaining Chinese members almost immediately back into the spotlight. Forced them to smile through the pain each one felt at the betrayal by their leader, their Duizhang. Tao, Yixing, and Luhan had been mostly kept in the dark about what really had happened. They were to act as if everything was normal. EXO would prevail! They were eleven members strong. Then ten members strong. And then Tao began to question and open his eyes to things he had turned away from before. Escape was a necessity for the survival of his own sanity.
Tao didn’t like letting his mind wander back to that time. Instead, he liked to simply block it out. He admitted it hurt when he heard rumors being spread about negative things Kris had supposedly said about him and their other former members. It was a difficult situation to be in and he was hearing conflicting reports of how Kris was these days.
Yixing had confided in Tao that Kris had been formal, stiff, borderlining on rude when he’d run into their former leader at a CCTV event. Tabloids and fan blogs had swirled with gossip that Kris had been ignoring Yixing on purpose. However, Luhan had run into Kris earlier in the month at an event and reported the exact opposite to Tao. Kris at iQiYi Scream Night had been seated beside Luhan and the two had conversed easily. That being said, it wasn’t the first time Luhan and Kris had bumped into each other at industry events in China.
“It wasn’t awkward?” Tao asked, stretching his legs from where he sat. He was perched in a large armchair that looked out on the city scenery outside his apartment. Tao glanced to where his phone glowed on speaker phone as he mindlessly traced shapes with his fingers on the nearby side table.
“No.” Luhan’s voice resonated in Tao’s apartment, his voice high but smooth. Tao had always admired Luhan’s vocal skills and the familiar voice brought a soft smile to his face. It had been months since they had last spoken like this.
“He was fine.” Luhan continued on, “But we also talk on WeChat every now again and it’s not like this was my first time seeing him since then.”
“Yeah… since then.” Tao repeated, surprised but also annoyed at the unpleasant fluttering that started in his stomach hearing those words.
“Tao, you two cannot keep avoiding each other forever. Especially in China. You two need to talk.” The elder scolded. “What will you do if you run into him before then?”
Luhan’s words echoed in Tao’s head when he felt the car move beneath him. The dark haired man jolted in his seat, broken of his daydream as Tao’s PR coordinator spoke from the front passenger seat.
“We’re here. You were here last year so you know the lay of the land. Remember to pace yourself and to hydrate. You’re opening the show so all eyes will be on you. This is an exciting night. Your image will still be riding the high of the new single release. Enjoy yourself but be mindful of your surrounding company. We don’t want any bad press.” The man warned, raising an eyebrow. Tao knew precisely who he was referring to.
“Thank you.” Tao swallowed, his stomach still churning as someone from the outside opened the car door. He looked quickly between studio team. “Thank you all for your hard work this year. I will do my best.”
And with that, Tao was stepping from the vehicle and into the searing white flashes of the paparazzi's cameras.
It was chaos backstage.
There were boom mic operators running down the hallways towards the various waiting rooms for last minute interviews, there were hoards of staff chasing after the various celebrities, and wardrobe coordinators running in a hundred different directions holding bagged dry cleaning.
Tao clutched the card in his hand with the number of his waiting room written down. He watched as the scene around him unfolded. The narrow hallways that connected backstage were bustling with people. An particularly hurried audio technician came down the hallway, pushing a equipment on a cart in front of him. The man headed straight towards Tao, unable to properly see the stunned singer. Tao jumped the side to avoid being hit only to slam into the side of someone else. Tao lost his footing, not expecting the collision, when a large hand grabbed him by the arm and steadied him.
“Woah. Careful.” A deep voice spoke spoke close to Tao’s ear and a shiver ran down the man’s spine. Tao could recognize that voice anywhere. It was a voice that had reverberated in Tao’s head so many times as he belted out rap lyrics all those years ago. It was voice that cut through all the noise when Tao was stressed and unable to settle down for the night. It was a voice that had whispered words of affection in dimly lit hotel rooms beneath a mess of bedsheets. It was a voice that Tao had spent the last four years trying to forget.
It was him.
The dark haired man jerked his head up and met a pair of hooded deep brown eyes.
Tao’s mouth fell open, the sound dying in his throat, as he became lost for words. The younger’s mind drew a blank as he stared up at the taller male. Apparently, Tao’s sudden appearance had startled the other as well. Both men stared at one another in silence for a moment.
Kris was still as painfully handsome as Tao had remembered him being. Kris looked like he just stepped off the pages of a manhua. He wore a black suit jacket embellished with a swirling leaf pattern, intricately stitched with silver thread. His black slacks carried the same pattern down the legs. The outfit fit him perfectly, accentuating the man’s long slim limbs and broad shoulders. He exuded confidence like he was born to wear those clothes and Tao suddenly became very self-conscious about his own styling.
The elder had his long black hair slicked back with only a few loose strands from his bangs resting against his cheek. His eyes were dark and burning as they quickly scanned Tao over head to toe. It made the younger squirm. It had been so long since they’d stood close together like this and Tao’s face flushed as the familiar scent of the cologne Kris always wore hit his nose. The heavy musky scent made Tao weak in the knees all over again. The grip on Tao’s arm tightened uncomfortably when Tao came back to his senses. He jerked his arm free and took a quick step backwards as if he’d been burned.
“Y-Yifan…” Tao gaped. “You’re here.”
Kris raised an eyebrow in amusement and Tao’s face burned even hotter.
“I mean, I didn’t think I would run into you so quickly.” Tao blabbed, internally cursing himself for not being able to think of anything more witty.
For years Tao had fantasized about what to say to Kris when the time finally came. He had thought about words of anger, words of comfort, but words of indifference seemed the most logical choice to protect the still wounded Tao. He had played around with what he wanted to say a million times and yet, here was Wu Yi Fan standing before him; looking just as Tao had remembered him that day Kris had packed for the flight to Vancouver. Tao had spent the past four years of learning to be independent, forging his own career path, growing from his mistakes, and yet Tao felt like he was twenty-one all over again.
“Hmm.” Kris hummed as he seemed to regain his composure. “Yes, my management mentioned you’d be here tonight.”
“I… yeah…” Tao wrung the waiting room card in his hands, “Would it be alright if we talked for a little bit?”
“We’re talking right now.” Was Kris’ cool response.
“I meant somewhere more private. There are some things I wanted to discuss with you but not in public.” Tao’s face really was burning bright red by this point. He could feel the flush down his neck and reach the tips of his ears. If there was one thing Tao hated most in this world, it was feeling out of control. It made Tao’s insides twist and his heart beat a little too fast. Tao was feeling out of sorts now, desperately trying to appear calm as he struggled to regain control of the conversation from Kris.
“I think we’ve talked enough in the past.” Kris said a few moment’s pause. The taller man ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He stood up a little straighter and eyed the other. Tao knew that look, Kris’ eyes were dark and calculating. He was trying to guard himself and figure out what Tao wanted.
The younger bristled at the words. Long buried anger stirring deep within him. Tao instantly felt annoyed, his hot temper he was known so well for during their idol time, flaring up within him. Tao willed himself not to react extremely. He wasn’t a kid anymore and Kris wasn’t his group leader.
“Don’t be like this.” Tao calmed himself and met Kris’ eyes in challenge. “I have to go find my dressing room now. The show will be starting soon.”
“You’re opening the show.” Kris stated more than asked.
“Y-yeah.” Tao swallowed, still not breaking eye contact with Kris. Kris looked like he wanted to say more but an awkward moment of silence passed between them instead. Tao could feel his heart in his throat and he clenched his hands in nervousness.
“Good luck.” Kris broke eye contact and turned to walk away.
“Yifan!” Tao reached out and grabbed the other by the wrist before he knew what he was doing. He tugged to stop the elder from leaving but Kris did not turn around to face Tao. The man stood there stoically, broad shoulders tensing at Tao’s touch.
“Sorry.” Tao let go of Kris immediately but the elder still waited there, not looking to Tao but listening. “Just… come find me some point tonight.”
“Zitao.” Kris exhaled heavily and Tao involuntarily shivered. He hadn’t heard the other speak his name in so long. It felt strange hearing it now, like a distant echo from the past. Kris’ tone was stern, almost scolding. It was the voice Kris used to take when Tao acted up or misbehaved in the dorm.
“I’m leaving first.” Kris twisted his neck slightly, sending Tao one hard look from over his shoulder.
Then as soon as he had appeared, Kris was gone.
Tao gripped the microphone tightly as he exited the stage and the sounds of the cheering fans faded. His whole body was singing with adrenaline, his blood pumping full force through his system, and his leg muscles a little tight from when he’d volunteered to perform one of his wushu moves.
Instantly, his staff was surrounding him. Someone handed Tao a bottle of water while another took a dry towel and rapidly patted Tao’s face. There were several people talking to Tao at once regarding his performance but Tao’s mind was elsewhere.
It was still early in the night and while Tao had been one of the first to perform for the New Year’s special, he knew there were a number of artists on the setlist until the show’s conclusion. Backstage, the artists were to hang out in the comfort of their assigned waiting rooms. The rooms were equipped with screens livestreaming what was going on outside on the stage. It was isolating in a sense and Tao didn’t want to spend the remainder of the evening locked in his room. Apparently neither the did the other artists. From down the hallway, Tao could hear a distinctive voice approach.
“Tao-ge!” Cai Xukun approached, waving his hand, as he waddled up to Tao in what appeared to be a pair of thigh-high river fishing boots. The twenty-year-old singer beamed at Tao, eyes wrinkling slightly in the corners from his smile. “Awesome stage! You did really well.”
“Thank you.” Tao managed, still working on evening out his breathing. “When you are going on?”
“Not until later. I think I’m the performance before Wu Kris.” Xukun pursed his lips as he thought. “I’m really excited to see him perform and maybe even meet him. I really look up to him as a rap idol.”
“Uh, what does that make me then?” Tao frowned, pointing to himself. Tao liked Xukun, he really did, but the singer’s young age often showed in some of the comments he made.
“Zitao,” Xukun dragged out the name, slinging a friendly arm around Tao’s shoulder in a hug. “You count as well! But Kris is… well Kris is Wu Kris! He’s known for his English-Mado rap and I really look up to him.”
“I guess.” Tao grumbled, still a bit annoyed that Xukun didn’t think Tao worthy of being a rap idol. Xukun picked up on Tao’s displeasure and gave him a playful punch in the arm.
“Don’t be jealous. Why don’t you come with me to his waiting room and say hello?” Xukun suggested, already starting to tug Tao towards one direction.
“Tao,” One of Tao’s staff members spoke, “I don’t think that’s wise.”
Tao had almost forgotten both his and Xukun’s entire entourage were hanging back in the shadows. Tao looked to Xukun’s staff but they were pointedly staring at the floor.
“Why not?” Xukun asked, tilting his head in confusion. “You two used to be in the same idol group, right?”
“Yeah… we were but…” Tao trailed off, trying to think of how to word it. Surely Xukun had seen all of the tabloids discussing the ‘war’ occurring between the two, but those were just tabloids. It would be another thing for Tao to confirm with his own mouth that he and Kris were not on speaking terms.
Tao wanted to talk things over with Kris. No matter how awkward it might be or how uncomfortable Tao felt, it needed to be done. For too long now Tao had been subtly cringing when reporters mentioned Kris’ name or throwing up at night after sweatily awakening from a nightmare.
“Tao, you should head back to the waiting room and rest after your performance.” Tao’s PR coordinator shook his head. “Xukun, I apologize on behalf of Tao but he will not be able to-”
“I can go.” Tao interjected sharply, “Xukun has never been introduced to Yifan before. It be easier for someone who already knows him to make an introduction.”
Tao’s staff was silent. It was difficult to argue to with their employer, Tao did own the studio afterall and they were all on his payroll. They could only advise him so much without worrying about crossing a line.
“Wow, see how close they are? Tao-ge, you even call Kris by his Chinese name. Please make an introduction for me!” Xukun bowed a little, hands pressed tightly together in front of him. “It’s a dream of mine to collaborate with Kris and it would mean so much if you put in a good word for me.”
“That settles it then. Which room number is he in?”
“Hello everyone I am Wu Yi Fan, here wishing everyone Happy New Year. I’m in Shanghai for the countdown concert, see you on stage soon.”
“Alright,” Kris’ PR coordinator clicked the ‘end’ button on the phone and gave him a thumbs up, “And we got it! Uploading to TikTok now.”
“Great, thank you.” Kris rolled his neck around and flopped back onto the couch pressed against the wall. Someone from his staff offered him a cup of water but Kris languidly waved them off. He pulled up Weibo on his phone and began scrolling through his feed.
“So, we are about an hour into programming now.” A woman from Kris’ staff began to read from her clipboard of notes, “You are to go on twenty minutes before the end of the program. We’re going to be opening with Tian Di, transition into November Rain, and then you should have enough time for a short New Years message before you finish with Hold Me Down. Remember to thank your fans and wish everyone health in the new year.”
“I know.” Kris sighed, his staff had been on him since rehearsals yesterday. No one wanted to say it in front of Kris but they were worried about a potential PR nightmare what with the presence of his former group member here.
Several times in interviews Kris had been asked directly by reporters what the nature of his relationship with Tao was. His staff had always advised him to remain quiet until the next question came along or to try redirecting the conversation to be about whatever film or song he was currently promoting. It was uncomfortable and an annoyance to Kris that the tabloids seemed to be trying to egg the two into a fight.
Kris had know for weeks that Tao was going to be at this event. He’d actually half-expected Tao’s management to pull the younger out of the event at the last minute. The two had been dancing this bizarre dance of avoiding each other in the small cesspool that was the Chinese entertainment industry. There were only so many popular young male artists. Kris had encountered both Luhan and Yixing on a number of occasions at various events but never Tao. As soon as Kris’ management heard news Tao would be at an event, Kris would pull out. Just as whenever Tao’s management heard Kris would be attending a event, Tao would mysteriously have a schedule conflict and no longer be able to attend.
“There’s someone at the door.” The voice of one of Kris’ staff members broke his thoughts.
“Sorry?” Kris looked up from his phone.
“There’s someone at the door. Do you want me to screen who it is for you?” The staff member checked.
“Uh sure.” Kris went back to his scrolling. “See who it is and if it’s no one important, tell them I’m busy.”
“Understood.” The staff member went to the door, barely able to crack it open a little bit to see who was outside, before the person on the other end of the door was slamming it open and barging inside.
“Wu Kris!” A loud voice startled Kris from his phone once again and he looked up in confusion.
A young man stood before him with messy dyed brown hair and long bangs that hung in his eyes. The boy was wearing an interesting outfit ensemble that consisted of red translucent gloves that only covered his fingers, a long black and grey coat textured to look like feathers, and what looked like rubber fishing boots. Kris raised an eyebrow as he took the sight in.
“I’m sorry,” Kris put his phone down and studied the man’s face, “Who are you?”
“Oh! Right!” The young man dropped into a quick bow. “My name is Cai Xukun. I am a very big fan of your music. I have been wanting to meet you for a long time.”
“You just barged right in here.” Kris commented, movement near the doorway drawing his eyes. Xukun followed Kris’ line of sight and beamed.
“Tao-ge! Come in here! Introduce me to Wu Kris!” Xukun called, prancing over to the doorway and dragging Tao inside.
Kris stiffened a bit, not expecting for Tao to have been in tow. The dark haired man’s face burning just as it had when Kris had run into him earlier. Kris narrowed his eyes. He had not seriously expected Tao to press the issue of talking but here the younger man was.
“Wu Yi Fan,” Tao nodded his head in a slight bow, “Forgive the intrusion. This is my associate Cai Xukun. He had been wanting to meet you for some time.”
“Associate?” Kris narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out the situation. “Is he signed to your label then?”
“No,” Xukun answered for Tao, not seeming to pick up on the tension in the room, “I’m not with Tao’s label. And I would say we are friends more than associates.”
“He wants to be a rapper… like you.” Tao said blankly. The dark haired man was watching Kris carefully and Kris clenched his jaw. “Do you have any advice?”
“My advice?” Kris glanced quickly at Xukun who seemed to be hanging on Kris’ every word. “Only write about that really has meaning to you in your music. You need to feel the message that you are saying and be able to relate. So long as you do that, your music will be authentic and well-received.”
“That’s great. Thank you so much.” Xukun smiled widely, about to open his mouth to ask more when Kris interrupted.
“Xukun, would you mind if we discussed this more later? Tao and I have some catching up to do.” Kris could practically feel Tao’s eyes boring into him. “Staff, could you also give us some privacy?”
“Of course.” Kris’ staff members answered before beginning to silently file out of the room. Xukun stood to the side, a bit stunned at the dismissal, as he took in how Tao and Kris’ eyes were locked.
“S-sure. I’ll catch you later then.” Xukun hesitated a bit in the doorway, noticing the two older men’s body language. The young singer closed the door to the waiting room and hastily ran his fingers through his hair. “I hope it wasn’t wrong of me to ask to meet Kris.”
The door to the waiting room clicked shut and Kris immediately rose from the couch so that he could stand face-to-face with Tao. The older man was slightly taller than Tao, forcing Tao to have to tilt his head back to meet Kris’ intense glare.
“What is this?” Kris said lowly. “If you’re trying to start a fight, I’m not going to make that mistake so you can get out.”
“I’m not trying to fight.” Tao frowned. Kris was incredibly close to Tao, he could feel the taller man’s breath on his face. But Tao wasn’t going to let himself be intimidated. “I just want to talk. Really, that’s all I want.”
“Tao,” Kris exhaled heavily, clenching his eyes shut and stepping away from the younger, “There’s nothing left to talk about. It’s been four years. You need to let it go.”
“How can I let it go?” Tao found himself shouting, an unpleasant twist in his stomach. Try as he’d like, the emotions were still there: the hurt, the betrayal, and confusion. Tears began to sting Tao’s eyes and he cursed. He hadn’t intended on crying and he didn’t want to Kris to see how much this still affected him.
“How can I let it go?” Tao repeated. “After all that we went through together as a group. No. After all that we went through as friends? All those years spent training together, eating together, laughing together. Does those mean nothing to you? Are you really this cold that you can just turn your back and pretend all of that didn’t happen?”
“You knew I wasn’t happy. It doesn’t matter how much I liked you or Luhan or Yixing. I had to leave. I could not stay one more day in that company.” Kris raised his voice, his cold exterior falling away. Kris surprised at how much seeing Tao cry still affected him. The elder was torn between pulling the younger into a hug or shaking him by his shirt collar. “I’m not your damn ‘Duizhang’ anymore so stop following me around like I am!”
“Fuck you.” Tao said lowly, fire in his eyes and he gave Kris a hard shove to the chest. Kris stumbled back slightly, large frame difficult to really knock down with only a simple push. Tao could not stop the tears coming out of his eyes now. He shoved Kris backwards once again but Kris let him; stoically retreating a few paces as he caught his balance. Kris’ face was blank and Tao’s blood boiled.
“Stop that! Stop acting like you’re so cool or you don’t give a shit about anything!” The younger went to shove the elder again when Kris caught Tao by both his wrist. The larger man easily twisted Tao’s arms behind his back, years of wrestling with the former material artist taught him how to properly disable Tao. The resulting position had Tao’s front pressed flush against Kris as he held Tao’s arms firmly.
Tao began to squirm, trying to break free when Kris barked at him, “Knock it off! You want a reaction out of me? Huh? You want me to yell at you? Is that what you want?”
Tao inhaled shakily through his nose and Kris released him. Both men were panting slightly from their brief struggle. Tao’s shoulders slumped defeated.
“Yifan, I thought I was your best friend. I was there for you when things got tough. I never told the rest of the group what you were going through because you made me promise not to tell. I thought you trusted me. I still haven’t told Luhan and Yixing all those things you said to me in private. I knew you were suffering but I thought we had agreed to talk to each other when things got tough. We were supposed to support each other. But then you just left.”
Kris’ throat was tight.
“You left and you never came back. You never even told me that you weren’t going to come back.” Tao brought a trembling hand to eyes and wiped at his face. “You blocked me on WeChat. I couldn’t even talk to you.”
“I had to because of the lawsuit.” Kris said softly. “I couldn’t involve any of you or your contracts would be in danger.”
“Some good that did.” Tao laughed bitterly. “Do you know how much management yelled at us after you left? They thought we all knew. Like we had all planned it together. They accused Luhan, Yixing, and me of not being loyal to EXO. They said that we were all just using the group to grow our own fame in China. Do you know how difficult you made things for us?”
“I’m sorry.” Kris spoke after a moment. “I didn’t want any of you involved.”
Kris moved closer to Tao. He hesitantly reached his hands out before he was gently holding Tao by the shoulders. Tao sniffed, refusing to look up, and stared down at how his feet fit so perfectly between Kris’ widely spaced stance.
“Especially you.” Kris spoke again, hunching slightly to try and catch Tao’s eyes. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You did.” Tao sniffed. “It hurt because I thought we were… closer than that.”
Kris cringed a little. There was a reason that Kris had asked his management to make sure he and Tao did not attend the same events if possible.
Luhan, he could deal with. Yixing, he could deal with. But Tao? Running into Tao would be different than running into another former group member. Kris would not deny it, he found Tao attractive. He found him attractive during their trainee days, he found him attractive during their debut, and even now - when Tao was covered in snot and crying his eyes out in front of Kris - Kris found Tao attractive. Perhaps it had been wrong of him to act on these impulses all those years ago but it had been too tempting. During their debut, the Chinese subgroup had exclusively prompted together apart from their Korean counterparts. It had been too easy for Kris to make up the excuse that as Leader he needed to share a room with the group’s youngest member. In the darkness of night, hidden away in hotel rooms, Kris and Tao had begun their torrid relationship. They’d always kept it a secret from the other members.
Kris didn’t even think he was gay but he liked Tao. Kris liked the glint in Tao’s eyes when they were rimmed with smokey eyeshadow, how he looked at Kris as if Kris was the coolest person in the world, and how nice his muscled body felt against Kris when they were entangled in a sweaty competition of who could last longer.
They had never admitted their true feelings to one another. Their relationship was solely physical. But Kris had acknowledged there had been a point where he contemplated telling Tao about the feelings he was starting to develop. It only made it all the more difficult when Kris did decide to leave the group; because when Kris left the group, it was in essence like breaking up with Tao.
“Shh.” Kris hushed Tao. He placed a hand behind Tao’s head, fingers weaving through the dark tresses out of habit, as he pulled Tao into a hug. He pressed Tao’s head against his chest, his other arm secured around Tao’s waist, he slowly swayed them.
“I’m sorry.” Kris spoke softly into Tao’s hair. “It was cruel of me not to tell you but I was worried you would try to stop me. I knew you would try to stop me, Tao. I didn’t know how to talk to you after that. I saw the interviews, that time you went on Happy Camp. I saw how much hurt I had caused you and I thought you must hate me. Everyone I spoke to in the industry told me that you hated me. I didn’t want to see you because I didn’t know how I would react. I was upset how you were channeling your feelings into anger and how you blamed me. I didn’t want for things to turn out the way they have. We’re basically strangers now.”
“I don’t want us to be strangers. I know we can probably never go back to the way things were but I hate not having you in my life. I want us to at least be friends.” Tao’s voice was small. “Yifan, you were my best friend.”
Tao finally picked his head up and met Kris’ gaze. Teary amber eyes stared deeply into dark brown ones. Kris studied the strong line of Tao’s nose to the plumpness of his lips. Kris found himself smiling slightly, he always loved the slight pout to Tao’s upper lip. The younger’s makeup team had chosen a nice shade of pink for his lipstick and it made his lips look so inviting.
“Yifan?” Tao whispered, noticing where Kris’ eyes were lingering. A spike of adrenaline ran through Tao’s body, unable to move as he waited in anticipation of what Kris would choose to do next.
“Tao.” Kris’ voice was like velvet. The grip on Tao’s waist tightened, pulling him closer to the other, and then Kris was leaning down towards him with half-lidded eyes.
Tao’s breath hitched, watching as if almost in slow motion Kris’ face moved closer towards his when-
“Wu Yi Fan?” A loud voice and a knock at the door startled the two men.
Kris let go of Tao quickly, cursing. Tao’s face flushed and he cupped his cheeks, heart beating erratically.
“What?” Kris shouted back annoyed.
“You only have thirty minutes until your stage and we still need to finish your hair and makeup.” The staff member called back, not daring to open the door.
“Alright. Give me a minute.”
Kris turned his attention back to Tao. Tao’s face was on fire again and Kris smirked. He rested a large hand on top of Tao’s head.
“Come to my hotel after tonight’s stage is done. There are still some things we need to talk about.” Kris ruffled Tao’s hair and began to walk towards the door to let the staff in.
“What was that? What did you just try to do?” Tao broke himself of his stupor.
“You know exactly what was about to happen. Don’t be awkward on stage. You told me to come find you earlier. Now I’m telling you to come find me after tonight’s show.” Kris opened the door and allowed his staff members to begin slowly trickling in. A few of them stole curious glances at Tao.
“I…” Tao trailed off, watching as Kris sat down in his makeup chair. A woman took out a large foundation brush and began furiously applying makeup to Kris’ face. The man looked to Tao out of the corner of his eye and quirked an eyebrow in question. Tao smoothed out his jacket and took his leave.
“Fine.”
The last hour of the show went by in a blur.
Tao had watched from backstage as Xukun performed his setlist. He smiled at the young rapper as he bounced off the stage after his performance and high-fived Tao. Tao congratulated the artist and laughed when Xukun bragged with pride about how loud his fans were chanting for him.
Then the lighting changed and out from the other side of the stage, Kris appeared. Kris took center stage, held his microphone up to his lips, and unleashed an onslaught of words.
The man’s husky voice rang throughout the arena to the deafening screams of fans. Tao closed his eyes and inhaled. He’d heard Kris rap so many times over the years and it still moved him to hear how much passion and feeling Kris threw into his music. It was one of the reasons the two had bonded so quickly in the beginning. Tao felt confident in his rapping abilities but he was always envious of how seamless Kris’ flow was. Tao listened quietly as Kris sang about love, hardships, and chasing after one’s fate.
Kris finished up his setlist to a roar of applause and then it was time for the rest of the artists to join the Dongfong hosts on the stage. Kris and Tao were told they were to stand next to each other for the countdown until midnight.
Tao had tried to contain his nerves as he was hyper aware of Kris’ presence next to him. Several times Kris had brushed his arm against Tao but Tao figured he was reading too much into and it was accidental. Kris must have sensed Tao’s nerves because at one point he made sure to smile softly at Tao. It was a reassuring gesture but did little to calm Tao’s heart.
Then the countdown was finally over and everyone was shouting celebrations for the new year. Tao had turned to the actresses closest to him, purposely trying to avoid Kris, as he gave her a hug and wished her happy new year. Tao was going to shake the hand of one of the male show hosts when Kris had turned around and advanced on him.
Tao awkwardly stood there, unsure if he should try and hug Kris or not, when Kris roughly grabbed Tao by the shoulders and threw him into a hug. It was a brief hug. The kind of shoulder to shoulder hug men throw their friends into. It was entirely different than the way Kris had hugged Tao in the dressing room only moments before.
“Meet me at the PuLi Hotel. Room 546.” Kris said in a quick whisper. Then he was releasing Tao from the hug and moving onto the next closest celebrity guest to congratulate on the new year.
Tao’s stomach was in knots once again as he walked down the long hallway of the hotel towards the room number Kris had told him.
Tao knew this was stupid of him to be doing. He’d made up some excuse to his staff about wanting to go out and have some alone time. They’d questioned why Tao just couldn’t stay in for the evening at his own hotel room and have them bring him food or whatever he needed to relax. Tao insisted he wanted to walk along the Huangpu by himself.
He counted the numbers on the doors until he reached the right room. Tao paused before the door and reflected one more time if he should just turn around and blow Kris off. Tao wasn’t naive. Kris intended on doing a little more than talking if he was inviting Tao back to his hotel room like this. Honestly, Tao was a little surprised at the invitation but he knew the sexual attraction was still there between them. It had been nearly impossible to keep their hands off each other when they’d been group members.
The younger raised his hand to knock when suddenly the door was swinging open and Tao was being pulled roughly inside.
The door slammed closed behind Tao and the younger stood there stunned, eyes blinking rapidly as they tried to adjust to the low lighting in the room. The room was practically dark save for a few dimly lit table lamps in the expansive suite. The harsh adjustment burned and Tao winced slightly. He didn’t need to see to know it was Kris who had him pinned against the door.
“You actually came?” Kris’ voice was deep. Tao could hear the amusement.
“You never answered my question.” Tao returned, body tense as he felt Kris slide a leg in between his knees. Kris had one large hand pressed against the door next to Tao’s head, the other firmly splayed on the younger’s chest.
“Hmm.” Kris hummed, the hand on Tao’s chest playfully adventuring down the man’s side. The touch sent electricity through Tao’s skin. “No one saw you?”
“No, I wasn’t followed.”
“Do you hate me?”
“What?” Tao asked, caught off guard. Kris continued to stroke his hand up and down Tao’s side appreciatively, fingers dancing along the planes of Tao’s tight abdomen.
“You heard me. Do you hate me?” The teasing hand stopped and Tao gently eased Kris off of him so that he was no longer pinned to the door.
“A little bit.” Tao confessed, eyes starting to adjust to the dark as he could make out the strong angles of Kris’ face before him.
“Why did you come here then?” Tao felt like a piece of prey being encircled by a predator. Kris was being impassive with his reactions, dark eyes sizing Tao up, as he waited for the right moment to strike.
“I don’t know. I guess I wanted to see…” Tao trailed off, eyesight fully adjusted now.
The young man stared at the former leader of his group. He took in the fact that Kris was boldly just wearing jogging pants, toned chest bare, and muscled arms crossed. Even in the shadows, Tao could see the littering of dark ink across the man’s skin. He could make out a few new ones that the other had not had during their idol days: the face of a lion, a series of words and numbers, and a pair of wings. Mesmerized, Tao reached out a hand before he was fully aware of what he was doing, and traced the scorpio symbol on Kris’ bicep.
“You still have this one?” Tao whispered. “There’s so many now.”
Kris lightly unfolded his arms and allowed Tao to continue his exploration. Long fingers ghosted over Kris’ skin, drawing gooseflesh in their wake, as they traced the outlines of each black mark. Tao dragged his fingers down the length of Kris’ arms, over his wrists, until his fingers were resting in Kris’ palms. The elder hesitantly weaved his fingers through Tao’s, gently pulling them through the spaces between Tao’s fingers. The movement was sensual and Kris could hear Tao’s breath hitch. They were being so intimate in this moment of silence. It reminded Kris of back in the days when they first began sleeping together and how they would spend hours like this in bed, just exploring one another’s body with curious touches.
“I have missed you.” Kris whispered, carefully enclosing his fingers around one of Tao’s index fingers. He held tightly onto the appendage, the way a small child would hold the finger of a parent. It was such a sweet childish gesture and it held symbolic meaning. That was the way Tao used to secretly hold Kris’ hand when they were in public. It had always sadden Tao that they had to be secretive with their affections but with this, Tao could at least pretend they were holding hands.
“I miss us.” Tao murmured, eyes flashing up only to find that Kris was staring intensely at him. Neither man spoke, both staring each other down, daring the other to make the first move.
Tao swallowed, eyes locked with the other’s mouth, as he slowly leaned in. Tao approached slowly, tilting his head to the side, plump lips parting slightly as his face neared. He panted, hot breath warming Kris’ lips, before he was softly capturing Kris’ mouth in a kiss.
The dark haired man moved his mouth softly, hot pants between them, as he sucked on the other’s bottom lip. He playfully used his teeth and pulled backwards, teeth grazing and dragging Kris’ lip outwards before releasing. Kris groaned and grabbed Tao by the waist, ducking his head and capturing Tao’s mouth in a hot kiss.
Kris kissed Tao like it was a battle. Again and again he worked his lips against Tao’s; large hands kneading and digging into the flesh of Tao’s hips, turning skin red from his ministrations. Kris was everywhere, kissing Tao harder, deeper, and with a scorching urgent need. Tao moaned brokenly and Kris’ tongue swiftly dove inside. The younger breathed a shuddering breath through his nose, arms wrapping around Kris’ neck, fingers raking through the taller man’s long black hair, as their tongues danced.
Kris’ hands cupped Tao’s rear and brought the smaller man’s hips forwards, leisurely grinding their clothed groins together.
“Ah!” Tao moaned. He broke from their kiss, lips wet and glistening. Kris pressed their foreheads together and moved his hips in a circular motion against Tao’s, delighting in how Tao’s body shook with restraint.
Tao was hard.
Kris could feel the man’s erection through his jeans and digging into Kris’ hip. It excited him to know that he still had this effect on the younger. Admittedly, he had been worried that Tao’s hurt and anger would have driven away all the feelings that were allowing this to happen.
“You’re so hot.” Kris huffed, peppering a series of hot open mouthed kisses down Tao’s neck.
Tao moaned and began to rub one leg against Kris’ side. The elder took the signal, their bodies falling into familiar patterns, as Kris hoisted Tao upwards with his hands firmly cupping Tao’s rear as Tao’s toned legs locked around Kris’ waist. The position gave Tao the advantage of height and he cradled Kris’ face, claiming the older man’s lips again and again.
“I want to take you to the bed.” Kris stated in between fervent kisses. Tao regained composure long enough to nod his head quickly before he was diving down to touch his lips to Kris’ once more.
Kris carried Tao and walked them towards the bedroom. He threw Tao roughly down onto the bed with such force that the younger bounced. Then Kris was digging his knees into the bed, legs straddling Tao on either side, as he began pawing at the man’s clothes. Kris pulled off Tao’s plain black sweatshirt, tossing it carelessly to some far corner of the room, as was he met with the sight of tanned skin.
“Fuck.” Kris cursed, desire throbbing within him as he gazed down at a body that was oh-so familiar. His vision followed the sharp cuts of Tao’s collar bones, down to the hard swell of his chest muscles, over the cut terrain of his flat stomach, and ended at the deep shadow of his Adonis belt. Kris loved this body. Tao was by far the best bed partner he’d ever had and a lot of that was due to Tao’s impressive physique and stamina.
“Take off my pants.” Tao instructured, reaching out a hand and running it down Kris’ chest.
“I thought you wanted to talk?” Kris raised an eyebrow and Tao snarled, bringing up a foot in an attempts to kick the other.
Kris caught Tao’s leg by the ankle and smirked, beginning to tug at Tao’s jeans playfully. Tao quickly undid the top button of his jeans, the material slipping through his hands instantly, as Kris furiously pulled them from Tao’s legs. The young man was just in his boxers now, his need evident by the strained material of his underwear.
Kris stood up from the bed and Tao propped himself up on his elbows to watch as the elder shed his jogger pants. The man wore no underwear beneath, unabashed of his nakedness, as he stood at the edge of the bed before Tao. Tao’s eyes were drawn to Kris’ impressive erection, a tingling feeling surging through his body as the sight of the hot taut flesh.
The younger drew him towards him with his eyes, a look of lust and desire evident on his face. The dark haired man’s hair was a mess by now, his face flushed with excitement, as he subconsciously wet his lips.
“Yifan.” Tao practically purred as Kris laid his body atop of the other. Kris snaked a hand between them and massaged Tao through his boxers, noting the wetness that seeped through.
“Are you sure you want this?” Kris whispered, fingers creeping towards the elastic band of Tao’s boxers.
“Yes.” Tao leaned upwards and gave Kris another open-mouthed kiss. He thrust groin against Kris’ hand in frustration.
Without another word, he was pulling Tao’s underwear off, hand wrapping around his length as he gave him a good stroke.
“Hn!” Tao’s toes curled in pleasure at the sensation. Kris spat heartedly into his hand and began to pump Tao furiously.
The younger cried out again, throwing his head against the pillows, as Kris propped himself on one arm and attend to Tao with his other. He studied his companion’s face, experimenting with pressure and speed to gauge which got him the best reaction out of the other. He twisted his hand as he stroked up and down Tao’s shaft, always making sure to give a teasing twist to the lip of the head. Thick white beads of pleasure were beginning to leak from Tao and Kris swiped his thumb through the liquid, digging his thumb into its crying opening.
Tao’s flesh was hot in his hands and Kris pressed a chaste kiss to the man’s sweaty forehead.
“Get yourself wet.” He whispered, continuing to stroke Tao just enough to bring him towards the edge but not with enough force or speed to allow him to come undone.
Tao brought his fingers to his mouth and began to suck on his fingers, occasionally moaning around them as Kris teased him. Tao sucked on his fingers hungrily, allowing his saliva to escape the corners of his mouth, as he got them to a point he felt was wet enough. Then Tao was arching his back, turning his body slightly on his side, as he brought his fingers to his rear entrance.
Kris shifted on the bed to accommodate Tao, his hand now switching from teasing strokes to sharp pumps. Tao hissed, pressing his forehead against Kris’ chest, as tried to focus on pressing two fingers inside of himself.
“That’s it.” Kris praised, voice low. He watched as Tao’s hand began to move, slowly working himself open. He pumped Tao hard and made the younger cry out. “Get yourself ready for me.”
“I can’t.” Tao huffed, lips grazing Kris’ sweaty flesh. He tried desperately to thrust his fingers deeper but the angle was wrong.
“This position… it’s too tough.”
“Move.” Was Kris’ simple instructions before he was maneuvering lower on the bed between Tao’s legs. Tao pulled his fingers free and allowed Kris to open his legs wide.
“Yifan.” Tao whimpered as Kris pressed a soft kiss to his upturned rear.
“Zitao.” Kris returned before he was plunging his tongue into Tao.
“Ah!” Tao arched, grabbing fistfuls of Kris’ hair as the man’s tongue breached Tao’s ring of muscles.
Kris worked his tongue into Tao. He alternated between tensing the muscles in his tongue so that he could sharply penetrate deeper into the other and curling his tongue to tease Tao’s inside. The younger was near delirious now, forgotten cock leaking precum against his stomach, as he heavied for air. Kris closed his eyes and pressed deeper, tongue in search of that special spot within Tao.
Tao mewled on the bed and Kris smirked, thrusting his tongue against that tight bundle of nerves. Tao nearly came in that moment had Kris not grabbed Tao’s member in a vice grip to stop him.
“Fuck!” Tao swore, cringing and kicking his legs out at the orgasm that never came. “Yifan!”
“Get on your knees.” Kris sat up, still keeping his grip tight on Tao’s member, as he situated himself behind Tao. He used his free hand to steady his member as he aligned himself. He admired Tao’s back in that moment, how the young man’s curly dark hair was matted against his neck with sweat, and the heart-shaped swell of Tao’s rear as he bared it for Kris to claim.
“Get ready.” Was Kris’ only warning before he was beginning to thrust inside.
Tao cried out, dropping his head between his arms, willing his back to not buckle, as Kris slowly slid inside of him. Kris wasn’t able to make it all in one movement so he had to shallowly thrust his hips and work himself deeper into Tao a bit at a time. It was both pleasurable and agonizing as Tao felt every inch of Kris slowly penetrating into him.
Once Kris was fully seated, he waited a moment, index finger and thumb still tightly clenched around the base of Tao’s member to deny him release. Tao panted, very carefully moving his hips to find a more comfortable position to not much avail. Kris was large. In the past, during the beginning of their intimacy, it had made being physically difficult for Tao the first few times. But with time and practice, Tao had gradually adapted to be able to take Kris in full force.
That was four years ago and while Tao liked to find release with fingers and the occasional toy, he had not allowed any man that privilege since he’d last been intimate with Kris.
“Are you alright?” Kris asked, voice strained as he concentrated on holding still despite the vacuum-like suction around him.
“Y-yeah.” Tao’s entrance flexed around Kris, struggling to accommodate the width. Kris’ hips stuttered at the sensation. “Just give me a minute.”
“Tao,” Kris gritted his teeth, “I need to move.”
“Okay.” Tao flexed around Kris in agreement and Kris began to move his hips.
He dragged himself backwards, nearly exiting Tao, before giving one long hard thrust and slamming back inside. Tao cried out, member pulsing in Kris’ hand. The younger dug his fingers into the bed and gasped. Kris had nailed that spot within him on the very first thrust.
“Fuck!” Tao cursed but Kris was already thrusting back in once again.
Kris rode Tao hard, their sweaty bodies making slapping noises in the darkness of the hotel room. For four years, Kris had been secretly missing this. Pleasuring himself and even sleeping with others did not bring Kris the kind of satisfaction that Tao did. Tao’s body was tight, hot, and the younger took all of thrusts in stride. Kris knew it must have been awhile for Tao but he couldn’t find it in himself to slow down now. Not when Tao was squeezing so heavenly around him.
“God, I missed you.” Kris pressed a sweaty kiss to Tao’s shoulder, back hunching, as he drove in deeper again.
“You feel so good. You always feel so good.” Tao praised, his member was leaking profusely onto the bedding now. His head was red and engorged, veins bulging along the side, as Kris kept his grip tight. “Please, please Yifan, let me come.”
“Not yet.” Kris bucked forwards, shifting from being on his knees to now raising himself up so that he balanced on one knee and foot. He was half standing in this new position but it allowed him to thrust deeper into Tao and to hit that spot dead-on. He thrust forwards and Tao saw white.
“Ah!” Tao cried out, member twitching in frustration at his inability to come.
Tao’s legs weakened, back buckling, as he sank down into the bed. Kris nearly growled as he grabbed tight to Tao’s hips and lifting his rear upwards to continue his onslaught. The force of his pistoning thrusts drove Tao’s face into the bedding and the younger moaned brokenly.
“Please,” Tao begged hoarsely, “Please let me come.”
“Shit.” Kris cursed, thrusting into Tao frantically as he neared his peak. He could feel it building inside of him. It was tantalizingly close and yet just out of reach.
Tao summoned the strength to begin squeezing in time with Kris’ thrusts and Kris groaned, drilling even deeper. He arched his hips forwards and backwards in a series of desperate thrusts, he was so close now.
“Yifan, please!” Tao sobbed, bringing one hand down between the bed and his body to grab at his member.
Kris finally released his hold and grabbed Tao’s wrist, forcibly moving Tao’s hand back and forth. Tao grappled for his member as Kris hastily jerked him while the elder thrust hard into him from behind.
The two men were near ecstasy now, their minds in sensory overload. Kris released Tao’s wrist and grabbed the man by the hips, fingers digging deeper into flesh, and he fucked Tao in abandon. Tao cried out, jerking himself, before he was coming undone and contracting around Kris.
“Tao!” Kris shouted, voice tight, as he stilled within Tao in almost pained manner and shot his pleasure. Kris panted, feeling himself come in waves, holding his hips flush to Tao as he made sure Tao received it all.
Tao whimpered, already being able to feel some of Kris’ release escaping from his entrance and dripping down his legs. Then Kris was pulling free, large sweaty hand turning Tao’s face so that he could give him a kiss.
The younger obliged and turned his head, eyes fluttering shut, as Kris kissed him deeply.
When all was done, Tao and Kris laid together on the bed panting. The sheets had been kicked to the bottom of the bed and the pillows were in disarray on the floor. Both men’s bodies were sheen with sweat as their chests rose and fell in time with one another.
After a few moments, Tao turned on his side and glanced at Kris, studying his face.
“What?” Kris asked defensively, still panting from exertion. Tao carded his fingers through Kris’ long hair and giggled.
“Does this mean we’re friends again? This means you have to start following me on social media.” Tao wore a mischievous look on his face. Kris groaned and grabbed a pillow from the floor, throwing it over Tao’s face. Tao squawked in scandal but Kris held the pillow firm, rolling over and coming to straddle the younger.
“Oh shut up, you.”