Covet
Title: Covet
Main Pairing: Tao/Yifan
Side Pairing: Tao/Kris
Genre: AU, Historical, smut
Warnings: Adult content, OOC
Rating: NC-17
Chapters: 4/5
Summary: When Tao was married off at the tender age of eighteen to a much higher-ranking nobleman Wu Yifan for his family’s benefit, Tao accepted his fate to a life void of love. But when Tao meets humble Li Kris of the solider regiment, Tao begins to wonder if the fire bubbling inside him can be considered love.
AN: My apologies this update was long overdue. Happy 24th Birthday Kris!
The charity ball with Li Kris and Wu Yifan in attendance.
When Tao returned home that evening, he could not help the immense feeling of guilt that overtook him. It overcame him rather suddenly and unforeseeably when Tao was riding alone in the solitude of Kris’s carriage as it took him home.
Kris had been nothing but a gentleman when he helped Tao into the carriage, instructed his driver to return the young man home safely, and expressed his deepest wishes to see Tao again before the week’s end. Tao had clung to Kris and rubbed his face against the man’s hands where they grasped his own. In that moment, Tao desperately wanted to just fade into the peaceful bliss and isolation that Kris’s country manor provided but Kris had urged his return home citing Tao’s absence would be noticed. Once more, Tao had inquired about Kris’s feelings for him but Kris had simply pressed a chaste kiss to Tao’s head and sent him on his way.
It was not until Tao was seated in Kris’s carriage, the ride slightly bumpy from the unpaved dirt path that was the main road to the Li summer manor, while Tao stared at the swaying stalks of lavender did the weight of his actions reach him.
The realization had knocked the wind out of Tao, the young man hunched over and gasped desperately for air that simply would not come, as he pressed his palms against his temples and cried. Tao’s heart was in turmoil and his insides were twisting and churning like a writhing mass of eels. While in the moment of passion nothing had felt more right, the aftermath was cold and induced panic within Tao. He had done the one thing he never thought himself capable of. Tao had broken his marriage vows and betrayed his husband. The knowledge was enough to make Tao want to vomit.
“Oh.” Tao closed his eyes, desperately seeking peace, as he steadied his frame against the carriage’s sidewall. The windowpane was cool against Tao’s forehead; helping slightly to calm his nerves, but his stomach still felt a mess.
“What have I done?” Tao whispered.
Outside the sky had already grown dark. As the carriage hurdled further and further into the approaching night, the stalks of lavender and Tao’s indiscretion seemed to fade away behind him.
Tao simply hoped that it stayed that way.
As Tao entered the front foyer of the Wu estate, he expected to eat dinner quietly by himself and then read by the fire before going to bed. What he did not expect, was for Yifan to be waiting at the dinner table for him.
Tao sat demurely at his end, flustered and heart beating erratically. Seeing Yifan, actually seeing his husband up close, was something Tao felt he had not done in ages.
“You haven’t eaten yet?” Tao questioned as Xiumin brought out their plates of smoked salmon and greens.
“I was waiting for you.” Yifan answered, cutting into his filet with a sort of weariness that led Tao to hope he was nearly as fed up with this charade of silence as Tao was.
“Thank you. That was very kind of you to think of me.” Tao said softly, trying to meet Yifan’s eye but the older man was preoccupied with his meal. Tao felt as if his heart was about to leap out from his mouth, worries and paranoia making Tao feel as if Yifan already knew of the crime Tao had committed only hours earlier.
“We have not spoken as of late.” Yifan continued and a greater feeling of uneasiness came over Tao. “I have been mindful to give you space.”
“It is not necessary. We have not addressed it until now but I apologize for my behavior. I have missed you, Yifan.” Tao admitted.
His words were true. In these passing weeks, Tao had come to realize that while Yifan’s presence was a constant in Tao’s life it was not as suffocating as Tao first believed. Simple chores like attending afternoon tea or eating meals had become lonely for Tao without Yifan there. Tao could not remember ever being so alone in his entire life and it was odd to wander the halls of the Wu estate manor with no sign of his husband.
But what guilt Tao felt! How could Tao face Yifan without picturing Kris’s face and their coupled crime every time Tao glanced at his husband? As Tao continued immerse himself in his thoughts of worry, he did not notice how Yifan’s face softened at Tao’s words.
“If you are speaking truthfully then I shall be truthful to you. I have missed you as well but have taken time to reflect on your words.” Yifan set down his silverware and stared at Tao from across their absurdly long dinner table.
“There may have been times in which I was overbearing but my intentions were good. I…” Yifan paused, brow wrinkling, “I am not comfortable talking of things such as this but given the situation, I will do so. You being much younger than myself, I often worry over you and feel the need to steer you in life. I did not intend to monopolize you and not allow you freedoms. I hope the freedom I have granted you these past few weeks has demonstrated that.”
“It brings me much happiness that you have thought of me so. I wish for us to be on good terms again. It has become uncomfortable to say the least for me in public. There have been many inquiries as to where you have been.” Tao confessed.
“We have not had time to speak but I have been very busy with the House of Zhang.” Yifan said and Tao instantly thought back to that night at the ballet. “There is a matter afoot that concerns both our houses.”
“I see. I was not aware but it is understandable.” Tao’s smile was forced but Yifan found it in himself to smile back softly as well. “I have missed this. Just talking with you.”
“I have missed talking with you as well. How has your week gone so far? You have been out of the house during the day a number of times now. Are you and Suho really so busy?” Yifan asked and a spike of panic ran through Tao.
How foolish of him. How could Tao sit there, across from the man he had sworn before the gods to love, and claim of missing Yifan when he had gone to another man’s bed? Immense guilt weighed on Tao and Yifan noticed Tao’s falter.
“You have been with Kim Suho, have you not?” Yifan raised and eyebrow as Tao thought on how to answer.
“I have seen Suho during the week but it is another friend that I have been having day outings with.” Tao tried to calm his rapidly beating heart.
“Oh?” Yifan returned to his food, “Whom with then? Someone I know?”
“Perhaps. He is new to Panyu so I am unsure if your paths have crossed.” Tao prayed Yifan would not see through him.
“You should invite him over for tea sometime. I would be interested in meeting this new friend who has taken up all your time.” Yifan smiled and Tao felt horrid. “Will he be at the charity ball tomorrow evening?”
“He had told me so.” Tao muttered, entire body erupting in painful overdrive as the realization that both his husband and lover would be at the same social event. Tao thought quickly of an excuse, “But he is a busy man so I am not sure if our schedules will overlap.”
“If he is a true gentleman then he will keep to his word of commitment to the charity ball. It would be improper to pledge attendance and not make an appearance.” Yifan frowned, resuming his meal. “Manners are what define a man.”
“It is not entirely his fault. His schedule is at His Majesty’s will.” Tao found himself defending Kris. Tao’s outburst caused Yifan pause as the man stared at Tao mid-bite into his filet.
“What sort of new friend have you made? This manner of speech is not usual of you. I hope that you are not hanging around those scholars of the revolution. It would not do our image well.” Yifan scolded and Tao bristled at how Yifan’s words made him feel like a wrongful child.
“I would never!” Tao scoffed, “My house may not be noble-born originally but my family swore loyalty to His Majesty just as I have. I would not dream of joining the revolutionaries. I am appalled you would think so lowly of me.” Tao pushed back in his chair, rising to his feet in wanting to end the conversation at that.
There were too many emotions swirling within Tao. The feeling of guilt over his actions and the inability to face his husband, the feeling of anxiousness at the danger of being exposed, the melancholy of missing Yifan and the normalcy they once knew, and the outrage and disappointment at Yifan’s accusations. While Tao knew it was impossible in their society for Tao to be treated as an equal, he still resented Yifan’s treating him like a child.
“Tao!” Yifan was jumping from his seat instantly, rounding the table in pursuit of the younger. “Tao, come back here!”
“Do not act as if you care!” Tao could not himself from crying, the mixed feelings proving too much for him. While Yifan’s words had upset Tao, they were not the sole cause of Tao’s distress.
That weight of guilt pressed down into Tao’s chest and he sobbed, rounding the corner of the halls in attempts to flee from his husband.
“Tao!” Yifan thundered, “Come back!”
Tao quickened his pace but his garments made the descent up the main staircase in the foyer difficult. Yifan’s heavy boots indicated the older man was nearly upon Tao now and in the young man’s startlement, his foot slipped on the slick surface of their marble stairs. Tao released a short cry before he pitched backwards, waiting for the pain that would come the moment his delicate form would tumble down the stairs, only to land securely on Yifan’s broad chest. The taller man caught his bride easily, steadying them both, and pressing a feverish kiss to a stunned Tao’s head.
“Do not act so rashly. That could have been your neck.” Yifan’s arm tightly squeezed Tao in a strong embrace, the man still pressing his lips in a kiss to Tao’s hair. “Never scare me in such a manner again.”
“Y-Yifan.” Tears welled in Tao’s eyes as he gently turned in Yifan’s arms to gaze up at his husband. Everywhere Yifan touched him made Tao’s skin tingle and his heart ached terribly while his vision swam. Tao balled his hands into the material of Yifan’s shirt and began to cry.
“Shh.” Yifan hushed the younger, cradling Tao’s head against his chest. He swayed from side to side gently, letting their bodies rock as one, while Tao began a blubbering mess in his arms.
“What have I done?” Tao sobbed, nosing into Yifan’s shirt and clutching onto the man tighter. “What have I done?”
“I am at as much fault as you are.” Yifan tried to console Tao although the two were different matters of topic. “I never should have let you out of my sights. I never should have acted the way that I did. I love you so terribly much, Tao. It consumes me at times and makes me wild with pride and jealousy. You are most precious to me in this world. I did not mean to discount your worth as a human being.”
“N-no.” Tao cried harder as Yifan’s apology touched his very soul. “It is I who is the dullard. What I have done is unspeakable.”
Tao could still feel the dried stickiness between his legs, feel where the skin on his hips ached from being held too tightly, taste the saltiness of Kris on his lips. Shame covered the dark haired man’s form and Tao shuddered with his sobs.
“I love you, Tao.” Yifan hooked a finger under Tao’s chin and forced Tao to look up at him. Warm brown eyes, damp in the corner with unshed tears, watched Tao lovingly. “I swear to never leave you again.”
“I…I can’t… I’m sorry.” Tao gently pulled from Yifan’s arms and began scaling the stairs again to his room, hands clenched in his garments as he felt his husband’s wounded gaze at his back.
“Even if you are not to forgive me, I’m afraid I cannot let you out of my sights from now on.” Yifan’s steady cold voice rang out against the spacious ceiling.
“Pardon?” Tao turned slowly, fear licking his insides as his stomach dropped. Tao assumed the worst. Tao would not put it past his husband, a man as powerful as he, to have hired someone to tail Tao.
“There is a reason the House of Zhang is so concerned and why all my time has been with Yixing.” Yifan climbed the last of the stairs and came to stand at their top besides Tao.
“There is a plot against the Emperor’s life.” Yifan’s tone was grave. Tao blinked up at his husband, both relieved and terrified. Relief came with the knowledge that Tao’s secret was just that, still a secret for now. The terror came with how dark his husband’s face had become.
“That is impossible. Who would dare challenge His Majesty?” Tao laughed in disbelief.
“It is an old sect that supports one of the older branches of the bloodline.” Yifan sighed, shaking his head. “They do not believe that Wu Jiaheng and his line belong on the throne.”
“His Majesty and His Majesty’s father and the Emperor before that have all come from this bloodline. What older branch could still have claim to the throne?” Tao could not make sense of the situation but something sat wrong with him.
“You forget the Emperor who is my namesake. Emperor Fan, the last of the Liu Dynasty, bore no children to his Empress but bore a son to his mistress. The Emperor tried in vain to have that bastard legitimized but the court would not allow it. The Emperor was forced to name his nephew, born to the House of Wu, as his successor. It was then the Wu Dynasty began and with it, Jiaheng’s bloodline.”
As Yifan spoke, Tao’s mind wandered back to the portraits hanging on the wall of the Li country manor. Image after image of a regal looking man depicted hunting, riding, holding court, flashed before Tao’s eyes. The Li manor, while a love nest, was clearly built by royalty. Li Kris, a man who wore his husband’s face, was a spitting image of the man in the paintings and that man was none other than Liu Fan, last emperor to the Liu Dynasty and distant ancestor to Wu Yifan.
“I think I am going to be ill.” Tao dropped his knees, hands pressing into the floor as his vision came in and out of focus.
“Tao, you must stay with me at all times for the following weeks until this matter can be settled. It is dangerous now for anyone related to the Wu family.” Yifan crouched down besides Tao and rubbed his back.
“For you,” Tao’s body broke out into a cold sweat, “Who is the first cousin to Emperor Jiaheng and fourth in line for the throne.”
“And for the House of Zhang and Yixing,” Yifan nodded, “The Minister of Justice who heads all the noble families and would be able to vote against the House of Liu seizing power.”
“What… what…” Tao’s head was spinning and the churning in his stomach resumed. “Li… the House of Li is the bastard line of the House of Liu.”
“What did you say, darling?” Yifan leaned closer and continued to rub soothing circles on Tao’s back. “I know this a lot to take in but I will protect you.”
“The bastard line…. the House of Li!” Tao shouted suddenly, looking frantically to his husband. “Is it not the bastard line to the House of Liu?”
Yifan paused before answering, studying his bride’s face skeptically. The man’s eyes wandered across Tao’s face before zeroing in on Tao’s neck. The younger froze up, hand instinctively flying to his neck to cover the bite mark Kris had left during their moments of passion.
“What is the meaning of this?” Yifan’s voice dropped low, sounding more like a growl than human speech.
“N-no.” Tao began to scramble away but Yifan was quick in grabbing his arm. Tao cried out in fear, calling for the servants but no one came to his aid.
“What is the meaning of this?” Yifan roared, grabbing Tao by both of his shoulders and violently shaking his bride. Tao mewled and desperately tried to wriggle free. Yifan only dug his fingers deeper into Tao’s tender flesh.
“No! Yifan, please! You don’t understand!” Tao cried as Yifan wrestled Tao’s shirt from him. Frustrated with the complicated clasps, Yifan simply ripped the cloth open and pulled it to the side, revealing Kris’s lovebite for the entire world to see. Tao squeezed his eyes shut and craned his head as far away as possible.
“Who has marked you? Tell me! Who has left this hideous mark on what belongs to me and me alone?” Yifan thundered and Tao sobbed, hysterically.
“I am not your property!” Tao finally snapped, screaming mere inches from Yifan’s face. “I am your partner, not your slave!”
Yifan remained silent, stunned by his normally quiet spouse’s outburst, but Tao was far from done.
“Do you have any idea what it has been like for me these past few weeks? To have to step out into society to keep up appearances and be the laughingstock of every tea hour, every afternoon promenade, of every social gathering among your friends! Your friends! Not mine! Never mine.”
Tao’s face was turning red from shouting and Yifan slowly let go of his screaming spouse.
“I am more a slave than any servant in this household! At least the servants are free from your tyrannical rule when they retire for the evening. But not me! Not I who are trapped regardless day or night beneath your thumb.” That last cutting remark got to Yifan and he fumed, throwing himself up at full height in challenge.
“It is I who are a slave to you.” Yifan screamed back at Tao. “It is I who must endure every man’s leering gaze when I bring you out in public. It is I who must and have turned away many a man’s offer for money in exchange for a night in your bed. It is I who is mocked for marrying so late and told repeatedly that one as young as you only married me for my wealth and status. It is I who have dueled, killed men, when they challenge me for you. And what do I receive? A cold bride who visually recoils at my touch, a bride who sends no smiles or words of affection my way, a bride who has gone to another man. This is yet another symbol of your discontent with me.”
“Yifan.” Tao’s eyes rounded at this news. These were things that Tao had not known before, deep emotions that Yifan never shared.
“Surely I must be the most repulsive man on earth for me to tell you my feelings and yet you still trample over them as if they were weeds. Are all my efforts wasted on you? Is our marriage really so much like a prison? All I ever wanted was for you to love me in return.” Yifan at last finished, out of breath, and hastily wiping away at the single tear that had escaped from his eyes.
Tao had no response. The two stood in uncomfortable silence, both reflecting on the heated words that had been exchanged here.
“Do you love him?” Yifan asked at last, too exhausted to try and mask the hurt in his voice. Tao hesitated for a moment and wetted his lips.
“I am not sure… but I think so.” Tao admitted.
“I see.” Yifan began to walk off down one of the halls, shuffling like a ghost.
Tao watched as his husband’s form disappeared into the east wing of the manor until he was swallowed into the darkness. It was then that Tao finally released the scream of anger he had been holding in for so long.
The following evening, Yifan and Tao attended the charity ball as scheduled.
Yifan did not speak to Tao all afternoon while both were dressing and preparing to look the image of perfection but this silence was something Tao had been enduring for weeks now. Upon arriving at the ball, Tao let the footmen help him from the carriage before he was taking off without his husband. It was at the hors d'oeuvres that Tao found Suho.
“Can you believe the amount of guards on duty at this thing? The Duchess of Xi’an is surely not that important to warrant such precautions.” Suho sniffed, taking another sip of his champagne as he glanced around the room. “It’s sucking all the fun out of this! Charity balls are meant to be merry and have drinks flowing so foolish noblemen will donate more than they meant to at the evening’s start!”
“The added guard is not for the Duchess of Xi’an.” Tao shook his head. “Chen has said nothing to you?”
“What of?” Suho was half-listening, watching in envy as the Minister of Foreign Affair’s bride waltzed past wearing a rather elaborate garment. “Sometimes I wish my husband was not the Vice Minister of Finance. He’s so frugal when it comes to letting me spend money.”
“Never mind.” Tao did not want more people than necessary knowing of the assignation plot against the Emperor.
“There’s Park Baekhyun.” Suho swiftly handed Tao his champagne flute and checked his hair.
“I must go say hello.” Suho grinned to Tao. “Didn’t you hear? He ended up marrying Park Chanyeol. So much for marrying into a royal household.”
“Suho.” Tao frowned, rolling his eyes at how his friend was already giddy with champagne to early into the evening.
“Oh Baekhyun! Darling! Is that you?” Suho cried, flying across the room to where an embarrassed Baekhyun grimaced out a hello with a grinning Chanyeol at his side.
Tao watched from afar, sipping from his own champagne flute, and letting the melody of the strings quartet wash over him as dancing couples flitted past. An especially slow and romantic tune was playing, encouraging even those on the sidelines to join on the dance, as Tao alone stood by the hors d'oeuvres table. He’d lost sight of Yifan long ago when Yixing and a few other nobles had immersed him into their circle of hushed whispered and paranoid glances.
Tao sighed, taking up another flute of champagne when a figure approached him from behind.
“You’re far too lovely to drink alone. Mind if I join you?” A familiar voice asked and Tao whirled around to see Li Kris grinning at him.
“Kris.” Tao gawked, unconsciously gripping his glass tighter. Tao had to remind himself to calm down. While Yifan had spoken of a plot to instill the House of Li into power, Tao had no proof that Kris was directly involved. It could be the work of Old Regime supporters whose households have suffered somehow due to the shift of power. Tao composed himself and smiled pleasantly, “I was worried you weren’t coming.”
“How could I stay away?” Kris whispered lowly so that Tao could hear him. “I have not been able to keep you from my thoughts since last night.”
“Mind you tongue.” Tao muttered, blushing. “We’re in public.”
“You were like sin itself.” Kris smirked and the statement sat uncomfortably with Tao.
“So Captain Li, you do not donate to the ballet but have you donated to tonight’s cause?” Tao wanted to change the topic, not having enough social composure to discuss bedroom talk with his lover in public.
“Sadly I have not. The wage of a meager soldier is nothing to boast of. If anything this ball should be for me!” Kris laughed, knocking back his champagne before taking Tao by the hand.
“Come with me to the gardens. There is something I wish to discuss with you.” Kris began to lead them away from the ballroom and Tao looked around frantically to ensure no one took notice of their leave.
“All eyes are on the dance. No one will notice.” Kris answered as if reading Tao’s mind. The pair made their way through the dark hallways of the Duchess of Xi’an’s manor before emerging out into the estate’s gardens.
The vast shrubbery extended as far as the eye could see in an elaborate maze. Marble statues of cupids and nymphs adorned the pebble walkway twisting through the maze and Tao held tight to Kris’s hand as he led them inside.
“Such extravagance.” Kris commented, eyeing the maze as Tao gazed upon it in a dreamlike state.
“Yifan constructed a maze like this for me once. I’ve haven't set foot in it even to this day.” Tao’s voice held a tone of sadness but Kris misinterpreted it as bragging.
“And right you are not to!” Kris laughed, squeezing Tao’s hand in his and not noticing how distant Tao was becoming. “Mazes are just proof of how much time of leisure these nobles have on their hands.”
“Are you not noble yourself?” Tao asked before he could stop himself.
Kris stopped a few feet ahead of Tao and turned around slowly, face caught in a smile as he struggled to find the words. Kris clapped his hands and strolled closer until he was nearly upon Tao, blue eyes inquisitively studying the shorter male.
“And how,” Kris raised a hand and grazed Tao’s cheek, “Would you know that?”
There was something dark in the manner that Kris asked which made fear spike through Tao. Gone were the boyish grins and soft words of affection, instead Kris was now staring Tao like he was a man on trial.
“I am not just a pretty face.” Tao forced himself to remain calm, throwing a smile Kris’s way as he strolled around the taller man playfully. “I did some digging into your past but only because I wanted to know more of the man I love.”
“The man you love?” Kris question, suspicion still evident in his voice and it did not sit well with Tao.
“I have thought of what you said to me at the ballet that day and all of our times together since then. You are a kind man, Li Kris. I find myself steadily falling for your charms.” Tao confessed the feelings he had long thought on but somehow saying them tonight felt different. Suspicion had wormed itself way into Tao’s heart and he could he could not admit confidently that his love was for Kris.
“I am so glad you think so. You mean a very great deal to me, Tao. I would do anything in the world for you.” Kris took Tao’s hand in both his own and pressed their foreheads together. “And would you for me?”
“Of course.” Tao answered without hesitation as Kris lightly kissed the corner of his mouth.
“I wish for us to be together so badly.” Kris continued on.
“I do as well but we cannot. You know that. I am wed to another.” Tao sighed, not noticing the dark glint in Kris’s eyes.
“But if you were widowed? You would inherit the entire Wu estate and its fortunes. Surely then, without a husband, no would judge you for marrying a soldier.” Kris whispered against Tao’s ear and the younger gasped.
“W-what are you implying?” Tao looked to Kris in fear.
“Think of it, Tao. No man would be your master.” Kris stroked Tao’s arms and spoke in a coaxing voice. “You would be free to do as you pleased when you pleased.”
“Kris, you are speaking of killing a man.” Tao whispered and Kris hushed Tao.
“My love, he is no more man than monster. Here.” Kris produced something from his pocket and pressed it into Tao’s hand. Tao looked down to see a small vial containing a translucent liquid. “Slip this into your husband’s drink and we will be rid of him once and for all. Then we can be together.”
“Kris… I’m not sure.” Tao kept staring at the vial in his hand in terror. “I will go to prison.”
“No, no you won’t.” Kris demanded Tao’s attention and held Tao’s hands in his own. “No one will know.”
“I…” Tao shoved the vial back into Kris’s hands and stepped away. “I’m sorry.”
“Tao?” Kris called as Tao fled back to the manor. “Tao, come back here. It will pass over him quickly. There will be no pain.”
Tao continued to briskly walk away, heart racing. Kris wanted Tao to kill Yifan but for what gain? So that they could really be together as lovers as Kris claimed? Or so that Kris would be one step closer to the taking the throne?
Tao was not sure of the answer. All he knew was that he needed to find Yifan and warn him.
Previous
Main Pairing: Tao/Yifan
Side Pairing: Tao/Kris
Genre: AU, Historical, smut
Warnings: Adult content, OOC
Rating: NC-17
Chapters: 4/5
Summary: When Tao was married off at the tender age of eighteen to a much higher-ranking nobleman Wu Yifan for his family’s benefit, Tao accepted his fate to a life void of love. But when Tao meets humble Li Kris of the solider regiment, Tao begins to wonder if the fire bubbling inside him can be considered love.
AN: My apologies this update was long overdue. Happy 24th Birthday Kris!
The charity ball with Li Kris and Wu Yifan in attendance.
When Tao returned home that evening, he could not help the immense feeling of guilt that overtook him. It overcame him rather suddenly and unforeseeably when Tao was riding alone in the solitude of Kris’s carriage as it took him home.
Kris had been nothing but a gentleman when he helped Tao into the carriage, instructed his driver to return the young man home safely, and expressed his deepest wishes to see Tao again before the week’s end. Tao had clung to Kris and rubbed his face against the man’s hands where they grasped his own. In that moment, Tao desperately wanted to just fade into the peaceful bliss and isolation that Kris’s country manor provided but Kris had urged his return home citing Tao’s absence would be noticed. Once more, Tao had inquired about Kris’s feelings for him but Kris had simply pressed a chaste kiss to Tao’s head and sent him on his way.
It was not until Tao was seated in Kris’s carriage, the ride slightly bumpy from the unpaved dirt path that was the main road to the Li summer manor, while Tao stared at the swaying stalks of lavender did the weight of his actions reach him.
The realization had knocked the wind out of Tao, the young man hunched over and gasped desperately for air that simply would not come, as he pressed his palms against his temples and cried. Tao’s heart was in turmoil and his insides were twisting and churning like a writhing mass of eels. While in the moment of passion nothing had felt more right, the aftermath was cold and induced panic within Tao. He had done the one thing he never thought himself capable of. Tao had broken his marriage vows and betrayed his husband. The knowledge was enough to make Tao want to vomit.
“Oh.” Tao closed his eyes, desperately seeking peace, as he steadied his frame against the carriage’s sidewall. The windowpane was cool against Tao’s forehead; helping slightly to calm his nerves, but his stomach still felt a mess.
“What have I done?” Tao whispered.
Outside the sky had already grown dark. As the carriage hurdled further and further into the approaching night, the stalks of lavender and Tao’s indiscretion seemed to fade away behind him.
Tao simply hoped that it stayed that way.
As Tao entered the front foyer of the Wu estate, he expected to eat dinner quietly by himself and then read by the fire before going to bed. What he did not expect, was for Yifan to be waiting at the dinner table for him.
Tao sat demurely at his end, flustered and heart beating erratically. Seeing Yifan, actually seeing his husband up close, was something Tao felt he had not done in ages.
“You haven’t eaten yet?” Tao questioned as Xiumin brought out their plates of smoked salmon and greens.
“I was waiting for you.” Yifan answered, cutting into his filet with a sort of weariness that led Tao to hope he was nearly as fed up with this charade of silence as Tao was.
“Thank you. That was very kind of you to think of me.” Tao said softly, trying to meet Yifan’s eye but the older man was preoccupied with his meal. Tao felt as if his heart was about to leap out from his mouth, worries and paranoia making Tao feel as if Yifan already knew of the crime Tao had committed only hours earlier.
“We have not spoken as of late.” Yifan continued and a greater feeling of uneasiness came over Tao. “I have been mindful to give you space.”
“It is not necessary. We have not addressed it until now but I apologize for my behavior. I have missed you, Yifan.” Tao admitted.
His words were true. In these passing weeks, Tao had come to realize that while Yifan’s presence was a constant in Tao’s life it was not as suffocating as Tao first believed. Simple chores like attending afternoon tea or eating meals had become lonely for Tao without Yifan there. Tao could not remember ever being so alone in his entire life and it was odd to wander the halls of the Wu estate manor with no sign of his husband.
But what guilt Tao felt! How could Tao face Yifan without picturing Kris’s face and their coupled crime every time Tao glanced at his husband? As Tao continued immerse himself in his thoughts of worry, he did not notice how Yifan’s face softened at Tao’s words.
“If you are speaking truthfully then I shall be truthful to you. I have missed you as well but have taken time to reflect on your words.” Yifan set down his silverware and stared at Tao from across their absurdly long dinner table.
“There may have been times in which I was overbearing but my intentions were good. I…” Yifan paused, brow wrinkling, “I am not comfortable talking of things such as this but given the situation, I will do so. You being much younger than myself, I often worry over you and feel the need to steer you in life. I did not intend to monopolize you and not allow you freedoms. I hope the freedom I have granted you these past few weeks has demonstrated that.”
“It brings me much happiness that you have thought of me so. I wish for us to be on good terms again. It has become uncomfortable to say the least for me in public. There have been many inquiries as to where you have been.” Tao confessed.
“We have not had time to speak but I have been very busy with the House of Zhang.” Yifan said and Tao instantly thought back to that night at the ballet. “There is a matter afoot that concerns both our houses.”
“I see. I was not aware but it is understandable.” Tao’s smile was forced but Yifan found it in himself to smile back softly as well. “I have missed this. Just talking with you.”
“I have missed talking with you as well. How has your week gone so far? You have been out of the house during the day a number of times now. Are you and Suho really so busy?” Yifan asked and a spike of panic ran through Tao.
How foolish of him. How could Tao sit there, across from the man he had sworn before the gods to love, and claim of missing Yifan when he had gone to another man’s bed? Immense guilt weighed on Tao and Yifan noticed Tao’s falter.
“You have been with Kim Suho, have you not?” Yifan raised and eyebrow as Tao thought on how to answer.
“I have seen Suho during the week but it is another friend that I have been having day outings with.” Tao tried to calm his rapidly beating heart.
“Oh?” Yifan returned to his food, “Whom with then? Someone I know?”
“Perhaps. He is new to Panyu so I am unsure if your paths have crossed.” Tao prayed Yifan would not see through him.
“You should invite him over for tea sometime. I would be interested in meeting this new friend who has taken up all your time.” Yifan smiled and Tao felt horrid. “Will he be at the charity ball tomorrow evening?”
“He had told me so.” Tao muttered, entire body erupting in painful overdrive as the realization that both his husband and lover would be at the same social event. Tao thought quickly of an excuse, “But he is a busy man so I am not sure if our schedules will overlap.”
“If he is a true gentleman then he will keep to his word of commitment to the charity ball. It would be improper to pledge attendance and not make an appearance.” Yifan frowned, resuming his meal. “Manners are what define a man.”
“It is not entirely his fault. His schedule is at His Majesty’s will.” Tao found himself defending Kris. Tao’s outburst caused Yifan pause as the man stared at Tao mid-bite into his filet.
“What sort of new friend have you made? This manner of speech is not usual of you. I hope that you are not hanging around those scholars of the revolution. It would not do our image well.” Yifan scolded and Tao bristled at how Yifan’s words made him feel like a wrongful child.
“I would never!” Tao scoffed, “My house may not be noble-born originally but my family swore loyalty to His Majesty just as I have. I would not dream of joining the revolutionaries. I am appalled you would think so lowly of me.” Tao pushed back in his chair, rising to his feet in wanting to end the conversation at that.
There were too many emotions swirling within Tao. The feeling of guilt over his actions and the inability to face his husband, the feeling of anxiousness at the danger of being exposed, the melancholy of missing Yifan and the normalcy they once knew, and the outrage and disappointment at Yifan’s accusations. While Tao knew it was impossible in their society for Tao to be treated as an equal, he still resented Yifan’s treating him like a child.
“Tao!” Yifan was jumping from his seat instantly, rounding the table in pursuit of the younger. “Tao, come back here!”
“Do not act as if you care!” Tao could not himself from crying, the mixed feelings proving too much for him. While Yifan’s words had upset Tao, they were not the sole cause of Tao’s distress.
That weight of guilt pressed down into Tao’s chest and he sobbed, rounding the corner of the halls in attempts to flee from his husband.
“Tao!” Yifan thundered, “Come back!”
Tao quickened his pace but his garments made the descent up the main staircase in the foyer difficult. Yifan’s heavy boots indicated the older man was nearly upon Tao now and in the young man’s startlement, his foot slipped on the slick surface of their marble stairs. Tao released a short cry before he pitched backwards, waiting for the pain that would come the moment his delicate form would tumble down the stairs, only to land securely on Yifan’s broad chest. The taller man caught his bride easily, steadying them both, and pressing a feverish kiss to a stunned Tao’s head.
“Do not act so rashly. That could have been your neck.” Yifan’s arm tightly squeezed Tao in a strong embrace, the man still pressing his lips in a kiss to Tao’s hair. “Never scare me in such a manner again.”
“Y-Yifan.” Tears welled in Tao’s eyes as he gently turned in Yifan’s arms to gaze up at his husband. Everywhere Yifan touched him made Tao’s skin tingle and his heart ached terribly while his vision swam. Tao balled his hands into the material of Yifan’s shirt and began to cry.
“Shh.” Yifan hushed the younger, cradling Tao’s head against his chest. He swayed from side to side gently, letting their bodies rock as one, while Tao began a blubbering mess in his arms.
“What have I done?” Tao sobbed, nosing into Yifan’s shirt and clutching onto the man tighter. “What have I done?”
“I am at as much fault as you are.” Yifan tried to console Tao although the two were different matters of topic. “I never should have let you out of my sights. I never should have acted the way that I did. I love you so terribly much, Tao. It consumes me at times and makes me wild with pride and jealousy. You are most precious to me in this world. I did not mean to discount your worth as a human being.”
“N-no.” Tao cried harder as Yifan’s apology touched his very soul. “It is I who is the dullard. What I have done is unspeakable.”
Tao could still feel the dried stickiness between his legs, feel where the skin on his hips ached from being held too tightly, taste the saltiness of Kris on his lips. Shame covered the dark haired man’s form and Tao shuddered with his sobs.
“I love you, Tao.” Yifan hooked a finger under Tao’s chin and forced Tao to look up at him. Warm brown eyes, damp in the corner with unshed tears, watched Tao lovingly. “I swear to never leave you again.”
“I…I can’t… I’m sorry.” Tao gently pulled from Yifan’s arms and began scaling the stairs again to his room, hands clenched in his garments as he felt his husband’s wounded gaze at his back.
“Even if you are not to forgive me, I’m afraid I cannot let you out of my sights from now on.” Yifan’s steady cold voice rang out against the spacious ceiling.
“Pardon?” Tao turned slowly, fear licking his insides as his stomach dropped. Tao assumed the worst. Tao would not put it past his husband, a man as powerful as he, to have hired someone to tail Tao.
“There is a reason the House of Zhang is so concerned and why all my time has been with Yixing.” Yifan climbed the last of the stairs and came to stand at their top besides Tao.
“There is a plot against the Emperor’s life.” Yifan’s tone was grave. Tao blinked up at his husband, both relieved and terrified. Relief came with the knowledge that Tao’s secret was just that, still a secret for now. The terror came with how dark his husband’s face had become.
“That is impossible. Who would dare challenge His Majesty?” Tao laughed in disbelief.
“It is an old sect that supports one of the older branches of the bloodline.” Yifan sighed, shaking his head. “They do not believe that Wu Jiaheng and his line belong on the throne.”
“His Majesty and His Majesty’s father and the Emperor before that have all come from this bloodline. What older branch could still have claim to the throne?” Tao could not make sense of the situation but something sat wrong with him.
“You forget the Emperor who is my namesake. Emperor Fan, the last of the Liu Dynasty, bore no children to his Empress but bore a son to his mistress. The Emperor tried in vain to have that bastard legitimized but the court would not allow it. The Emperor was forced to name his nephew, born to the House of Wu, as his successor. It was then the Wu Dynasty began and with it, Jiaheng’s bloodline.”
As Yifan spoke, Tao’s mind wandered back to the portraits hanging on the wall of the Li country manor. Image after image of a regal looking man depicted hunting, riding, holding court, flashed before Tao’s eyes. The Li manor, while a love nest, was clearly built by royalty. Li Kris, a man who wore his husband’s face, was a spitting image of the man in the paintings and that man was none other than Liu Fan, last emperor to the Liu Dynasty and distant ancestor to Wu Yifan.
“I think I am going to be ill.” Tao dropped his knees, hands pressing into the floor as his vision came in and out of focus.
“Tao, you must stay with me at all times for the following weeks until this matter can be settled. It is dangerous now for anyone related to the Wu family.” Yifan crouched down besides Tao and rubbed his back.
“For you,” Tao’s body broke out into a cold sweat, “Who is the first cousin to Emperor Jiaheng and fourth in line for the throne.”
“And for the House of Zhang and Yixing,” Yifan nodded, “The Minister of Justice who heads all the noble families and would be able to vote against the House of Liu seizing power.”
“What… what…” Tao’s head was spinning and the churning in his stomach resumed. “Li… the House of Li is the bastard line of the House of Liu.”
“What did you say, darling?” Yifan leaned closer and continued to rub soothing circles on Tao’s back. “I know this a lot to take in but I will protect you.”
“The bastard line…. the House of Li!” Tao shouted suddenly, looking frantically to his husband. “Is it not the bastard line to the House of Liu?”
Yifan paused before answering, studying his bride’s face skeptically. The man’s eyes wandered across Tao’s face before zeroing in on Tao’s neck. The younger froze up, hand instinctively flying to his neck to cover the bite mark Kris had left during their moments of passion.
“What is the meaning of this?” Yifan’s voice dropped low, sounding more like a growl than human speech.
“N-no.” Tao began to scramble away but Yifan was quick in grabbing his arm. Tao cried out in fear, calling for the servants but no one came to his aid.
“What is the meaning of this?” Yifan roared, grabbing Tao by both of his shoulders and violently shaking his bride. Tao mewled and desperately tried to wriggle free. Yifan only dug his fingers deeper into Tao’s tender flesh.
“No! Yifan, please! You don’t understand!” Tao cried as Yifan wrestled Tao’s shirt from him. Frustrated with the complicated clasps, Yifan simply ripped the cloth open and pulled it to the side, revealing Kris’s lovebite for the entire world to see. Tao squeezed his eyes shut and craned his head as far away as possible.
“Who has marked you? Tell me! Who has left this hideous mark on what belongs to me and me alone?” Yifan thundered and Tao sobbed, hysterically.
“I am not your property!” Tao finally snapped, screaming mere inches from Yifan’s face. “I am your partner, not your slave!”
Yifan remained silent, stunned by his normally quiet spouse’s outburst, but Tao was far from done.
“Do you have any idea what it has been like for me these past few weeks? To have to step out into society to keep up appearances and be the laughingstock of every tea hour, every afternoon promenade, of every social gathering among your friends! Your friends! Not mine! Never mine.”
Tao’s face was turning red from shouting and Yifan slowly let go of his screaming spouse.
“I am more a slave than any servant in this household! At least the servants are free from your tyrannical rule when they retire for the evening. But not me! Not I who are trapped regardless day or night beneath your thumb.” That last cutting remark got to Yifan and he fumed, throwing himself up at full height in challenge.
“It is I who are a slave to you.” Yifan screamed back at Tao. “It is I who must endure every man’s leering gaze when I bring you out in public. It is I who must and have turned away many a man’s offer for money in exchange for a night in your bed. It is I who is mocked for marrying so late and told repeatedly that one as young as you only married me for my wealth and status. It is I who have dueled, killed men, when they challenge me for you. And what do I receive? A cold bride who visually recoils at my touch, a bride who sends no smiles or words of affection my way, a bride who has gone to another man. This is yet another symbol of your discontent with me.”
“Yifan.” Tao’s eyes rounded at this news. These were things that Tao had not known before, deep emotions that Yifan never shared.
“Surely I must be the most repulsive man on earth for me to tell you my feelings and yet you still trample over them as if they were weeds. Are all my efforts wasted on you? Is our marriage really so much like a prison? All I ever wanted was for you to love me in return.” Yifan at last finished, out of breath, and hastily wiping away at the single tear that had escaped from his eyes.
Tao had no response. The two stood in uncomfortable silence, both reflecting on the heated words that had been exchanged here.
“Do you love him?” Yifan asked at last, too exhausted to try and mask the hurt in his voice. Tao hesitated for a moment and wetted his lips.
“I am not sure… but I think so.” Tao admitted.
“I see.” Yifan began to walk off down one of the halls, shuffling like a ghost.
Tao watched as his husband’s form disappeared into the east wing of the manor until he was swallowed into the darkness. It was then that Tao finally released the scream of anger he had been holding in for so long.
The following evening, Yifan and Tao attended the charity ball as scheduled.
Yifan did not speak to Tao all afternoon while both were dressing and preparing to look the image of perfection but this silence was something Tao had been enduring for weeks now. Upon arriving at the ball, Tao let the footmen help him from the carriage before he was taking off without his husband. It was at the hors d'oeuvres that Tao found Suho.
“Can you believe the amount of guards on duty at this thing? The Duchess of Xi’an is surely not that important to warrant such precautions.” Suho sniffed, taking another sip of his champagne as he glanced around the room. “It’s sucking all the fun out of this! Charity balls are meant to be merry and have drinks flowing so foolish noblemen will donate more than they meant to at the evening’s start!”
“The added guard is not for the Duchess of Xi’an.” Tao shook his head. “Chen has said nothing to you?”
“What of?” Suho was half-listening, watching in envy as the Minister of Foreign Affair’s bride waltzed past wearing a rather elaborate garment. “Sometimes I wish my husband was not the Vice Minister of Finance. He’s so frugal when it comes to letting me spend money.”
“Never mind.” Tao did not want more people than necessary knowing of the assignation plot against the Emperor.
“There’s Park Baekhyun.” Suho swiftly handed Tao his champagne flute and checked his hair.
“I must go say hello.” Suho grinned to Tao. “Didn’t you hear? He ended up marrying Park Chanyeol. So much for marrying into a royal household.”
“Suho.” Tao frowned, rolling his eyes at how his friend was already giddy with champagne to early into the evening.
“Oh Baekhyun! Darling! Is that you?” Suho cried, flying across the room to where an embarrassed Baekhyun grimaced out a hello with a grinning Chanyeol at his side.
Tao watched from afar, sipping from his own champagne flute, and letting the melody of the strings quartet wash over him as dancing couples flitted past. An especially slow and romantic tune was playing, encouraging even those on the sidelines to join on the dance, as Tao alone stood by the hors d'oeuvres table. He’d lost sight of Yifan long ago when Yixing and a few other nobles had immersed him into their circle of hushed whispered and paranoid glances.
Tao sighed, taking up another flute of champagne when a figure approached him from behind.
“You’re far too lovely to drink alone. Mind if I join you?” A familiar voice asked and Tao whirled around to see Li Kris grinning at him.
“Kris.” Tao gawked, unconsciously gripping his glass tighter. Tao had to remind himself to calm down. While Yifan had spoken of a plot to instill the House of Li into power, Tao had no proof that Kris was directly involved. It could be the work of Old Regime supporters whose households have suffered somehow due to the shift of power. Tao composed himself and smiled pleasantly, “I was worried you weren’t coming.”
“How could I stay away?” Kris whispered lowly so that Tao could hear him. “I have not been able to keep you from my thoughts since last night.”
“Mind you tongue.” Tao muttered, blushing. “We’re in public.”
“You were like sin itself.” Kris smirked and the statement sat uncomfortably with Tao.
“So Captain Li, you do not donate to the ballet but have you donated to tonight’s cause?” Tao wanted to change the topic, not having enough social composure to discuss bedroom talk with his lover in public.
“Sadly I have not. The wage of a meager soldier is nothing to boast of. If anything this ball should be for me!” Kris laughed, knocking back his champagne before taking Tao by the hand.
“Come with me to the gardens. There is something I wish to discuss with you.” Kris began to lead them away from the ballroom and Tao looked around frantically to ensure no one took notice of their leave.
“All eyes are on the dance. No one will notice.” Kris answered as if reading Tao’s mind. The pair made their way through the dark hallways of the Duchess of Xi’an’s manor before emerging out into the estate’s gardens.
The vast shrubbery extended as far as the eye could see in an elaborate maze. Marble statues of cupids and nymphs adorned the pebble walkway twisting through the maze and Tao held tight to Kris’s hand as he led them inside.
“Such extravagance.” Kris commented, eyeing the maze as Tao gazed upon it in a dreamlike state.
“Yifan constructed a maze like this for me once. I’ve haven't set foot in it even to this day.” Tao’s voice held a tone of sadness but Kris misinterpreted it as bragging.
“And right you are not to!” Kris laughed, squeezing Tao’s hand in his and not noticing how distant Tao was becoming. “Mazes are just proof of how much time of leisure these nobles have on their hands.”
“Are you not noble yourself?” Tao asked before he could stop himself.
Kris stopped a few feet ahead of Tao and turned around slowly, face caught in a smile as he struggled to find the words. Kris clapped his hands and strolled closer until he was nearly upon Tao, blue eyes inquisitively studying the shorter male.
“And how,” Kris raised a hand and grazed Tao’s cheek, “Would you know that?”
There was something dark in the manner that Kris asked which made fear spike through Tao. Gone were the boyish grins and soft words of affection, instead Kris was now staring Tao like he was a man on trial.
“I am not just a pretty face.” Tao forced himself to remain calm, throwing a smile Kris’s way as he strolled around the taller man playfully. “I did some digging into your past but only because I wanted to know more of the man I love.”
“The man you love?” Kris question, suspicion still evident in his voice and it did not sit well with Tao.
“I have thought of what you said to me at the ballet that day and all of our times together since then. You are a kind man, Li Kris. I find myself steadily falling for your charms.” Tao confessed the feelings he had long thought on but somehow saying them tonight felt different. Suspicion had wormed itself way into Tao’s heart and he could he could not admit confidently that his love was for Kris.
“I am so glad you think so. You mean a very great deal to me, Tao. I would do anything in the world for you.” Kris took Tao’s hand in both his own and pressed their foreheads together. “And would you for me?”
“Of course.” Tao answered without hesitation as Kris lightly kissed the corner of his mouth.
“I wish for us to be together so badly.” Kris continued on.
“I do as well but we cannot. You know that. I am wed to another.” Tao sighed, not noticing the dark glint in Kris’s eyes.
“But if you were widowed? You would inherit the entire Wu estate and its fortunes. Surely then, without a husband, no would judge you for marrying a soldier.” Kris whispered against Tao’s ear and the younger gasped.
“W-what are you implying?” Tao looked to Kris in fear.
“Think of it, Tao. No man would be your master.” Kris stroked Tao’s arms and spoke in a coaxing voice. “You would be free to do as you pleased when you pleased.”
“Kris, you are speaking of killing a man.” Tao whispered and Kris hushed Tao.
“My love, he is no more man than monster. Here.” Kris produced something from his pocket and pressed it into Tao’s hand. Tao looked down to see a small vial containing a translucent liquid. “Slip this into your husband’s drink and we will be rid of him once and for all. Then we can be together.”
“Kris… I’m not sure.” Tao kept staring at the vial in his hand in terror. “I will go to prison.”
“No, no you won’t.” Kris demanded Tao’s attention and held Tao’s hands in his own. “No one will know.”
“I…” Tao shoved the vial back into Kris’s hands and stepped away. “I’m sorry.”
“Tao?” Kris called as Tao fled back to the manor. “Tao, come back here. It will pass over him quickly. There will be no pain.”
Tao continued to briskly walk away, heart racing. Kris wanted Tao to kill Yifan but for what gain? So that they could really be together as lovers as Kris claimed? Or so that Kris would be one step closer to the taking the throne?
Tao was not sure of the answer. All he knew was that he needed to find Yifan and warn him.
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