So... tired...
I am sick and tired of people who pretend to be your friends, people who pretend to care when they don't give a rat's ass abgout you.
I'm sick of people who say 'they want to stay friends with you' even after you break up and theyn they're overwhelmed when you send a couple of pictures over an IM to keep them a part of your life. To make them feel included. To, you know, stay close to them so they know what's going on in your life.
Because, you know, that's what FRIENDS do. They stay in touch. THey laugh together, they cry together. They share each others lives, they joys, the sorrows, the good and the bad, not because they have to, but because they CAN. Whether they meant it that way or not, it came off like they don't want to be friends, or stay in touch, or anything.
I'm sick of calling people and NEVER getting a call back. Not even GABRIELLE is talking to me and I've known her the longest of all my friends back home. I feel like a fucking social pariah with everyone in Ohio.
And That doesn't even START with the poeple up here at school.
I'm SICK of all the infighting and the petty sniping and just ALL of it. I'm sick of being what seems like the only person who TRIES around here. Who tries to stay in contact with friends. THe only one who tries to stop the shit from hitting the fan. I'm tired of being in the middle when I'm not a part of the shit in the first place!
And I'm sick of feeling like I'm the only one who even fucking cares that we're pulling each other apart at the seams.
I love this place but I hate the people. I hate being alone. I hate being alone, feeling alone in a crowded room.
I have roommates, 'friends', parents or at least a parent who I know loves me... but even after all that, I'm still alone. Nobody understands... me. The real person that I am. NOBODY.
I am the woman who is alone in a crowded room, alone in the world. I always have been, and I suppose, I always will be. And I'm just... so tired of it.
But most of all... I'm sick... of hurting and having nobody else notice. Or care, if they do notice. Or even care, at all. I'm starting to wonder... if I cried, would they even notices? If I died, think they'd notice then?
Somehow, I doubt it.
I'm sick of people who say 'they want to stay friends with you' even after you break up and theyn they're overwhelmed when you send a couple of pictures over an IM to keep them a part of your life. To make them feel included. To, you know, stay close to them so they know what's going on in your life.
Because, you know, that's what FRIENDS do. They stay in touch. THey laugh together, they cry together. They share each others lives, they joys, the sorrows, the good and the bad, not because they have to, but because they CAN. Whether they meant it that way or not, it came off like they don't want to be friends, or stay in touch, or anything.
I'm sick of calling people and NEVER getting a call back. Not even GABRIELLE is talking to me and I've known her the longest of all my friends back home. I feel like a fucking social pariah with everyone in Ohio.
And That doesn't even START with the poeple up here at school.
I'm SICK of all the infighting and the petty sniping and just ALL of it. I'm sick of being what seems like the only person who TRIES around here. Who tries to stay in contact with friends. THe only one who tries to stop the shit from hitting the fan. I'm tired of being in the middle when I'm not a part of the shit in the first place!
And I'm sick of feeling like I'm the only one who even fucking cares that we're pulling each other apart at the seams.
I love this place but I hate the people. I hate being alone. I hate being alone, feeling alone in a crowded room.
I have roommates, 'friends', parents or at least a parent who I know loves me... but even after all that, I'm still alone. Nobody understands... me. The real person that I am. NOBODY.
I am the woman who is alone in a crowded room, alone in the world. I always have been, and I suppose, I always will be. And I'm just... so tired of it.
But most of all... I'm sick... of hurting and having nobody else notice. Or care, if they do notice. Or even care, at all. I'm starting to wonder... if I cried, would they even notices? If I died, think they'd notice then?
Somehow, I doubt it.