The End.
So after much thought I'm making a new LiveJournal.
Many reasons, not really revolving around stuff yesterday, but primarily this weekend served as a reminder to me that over the last couple years I've apparently developed a following of unknown readers.
whatever, doesn't bother me, if you're actually interested in reading what I have to say, then fine you can read it, but I write what I feel and what i think so that I don't have to say some of those things to people in person. i vented the other night, under the impression that none of the people reading this had any idea who the people involved were, and that way I could be honest and get my feelings out there without being a bitch to the people involved, but apparently that wasn't the case. Whatever- I posted it in a public place, yes i know, and I had it coming, but for the record-- this may be online and it may be public, but it is my journal, it is my thoughts and feelings, and I shouldn't have to apologize for needing to vent.
Anyways- this whole break up thing has me trying to cut as many ties with the past as possible. I can't seem to make myself accept the fact that he's not a part of my life anymore and that he doesn't want me at all... now or in the future, I can't make myself accept the fact that I'm alone, but I can force myself to take baby steps in every possible way I can think of.
and as pathetic as it sounds, posting here is such a huge part of the last two and a half years- and I need to emotionally break ties, symbolically, figuratively, whatever-ly.
So I'm making a new one, sort of a fresh start of thoughts- anyone who is friended with me will automatically friended on the new one- and if you aren't on LJ but want to know what it is, feel free to respond with email or someway I can let you know what it is.
Honestly if everyone who reads this one ends up finding/reading the new one I don't really care- you can easily find it through the search function of LJ, I'm not going to hide it or anything. Anyone who wants to read the new one can, same as here, I don't limit it because as crappy and horrible as yesterday was, it wouldn't have happened without the posting nad maybe its for the better.
So..... almost four years ago I wrote my first entry dedicated to Michael who got me into this, a big reflective post about something to do with something and now I'm ending this chapter of my life with a closing post.
I have no regets, save the people I have hurt, but i'm being forced to move on and ready or not I guess that's what has to be.
Goodbye beshanii.livejournal.com.... and goodbye to all of the emotional baggage that is contained on these pages. I'm not deluding myself to think that by doing this I'll forget the EUMC drama, or no longer need the emotional security of the CA or recover from my years at Furman
or stop loving and hurting....
but I'm closing this book of my life and opening a new one. With recurring characters I'm sure, continuing plot lines and heartbreaks
but sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and open your eyes to the future.
Many reasons, not really revolving around stuff yesterday, but primarily this weekend served as a reminder to me that over the last couple years I've apparently developed a following of unknown readers.
whatever, doesn't bother me, if you're actually interested in reading what I have to say, then fine you can read it, but I write what I feel and what i think so that I don't have to say some of those things to people in person. i vented the other night, under the impression that none of the people reading this had any idea who the people involved were, and that way I could be honest and get my feelings out there without being a bitch to the people involved, but apparently that wasn't the case. Whatever- I posted it in a public place, yes i know, and I had it coming, but for the record-- this may be online and it may be public, but it is my journal, it is my thoughts and feelings, and I shouldn't have to apologize for needing to vent.
Anyways- this whole break up thing has me trying to cut as many ties with the past as possible. I can't seem to make myself accept the fact that he's not a part of my life anymore and that he doesn't want me at all... now or in the future, I can't make myself accept the fact that I'm alone, but I can force myself to take baby steps in every possible way I can think of.
and as pathetic as it sounds, posting here is such a huge part of the last two and a half years- and I need to emotionally break ties, symbolically, figuratively, whatever-ly.
So I'm making a new one, sort of a fresh start of thoughts- anyone who is friended with me will automatically friended on the new one- and if you aren't on LJ but want to know what it is, feel free to respond with email or someway I can let you know what it is.
Honestly if everyone who reads this one ends up finding/reading the new one I don't really care- you can easily find it through the search function of LJ, I'm not going to hide it or anything. Anyone who wants to read the new one can, same as here, I don't limit it because as crappy and horrible as yesterday was, it wouldn't have happened without the posting nad maybe its for the better.
So..... almost four years ago I wrote my first entry dedicated to Michael who got me into this, a big reflective post about something to do with something and now I'm ending this chapter of my life with a closing post.
I have no regets, save the people I have hurt, but i'm being forced to move on and ready or not I guess that's what has to be.
Goodbye beshanii.livejournal.com.... and goodbye to all of the emotional baggage that is contained on these pages. I'm not deluding myself to think that by doing this I'll forget the EUMC drama, or no longer need the emotional security of the CA or recover from my years at Furman
or stop loving and hurting....
but I'm closing this book of my life and opening a new one. With recurring characters I'm sure, continuing plot lines and heartbreaks
but sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and open your eyes to the future.