(no subject)
I’m writing this while at work…
My current project (as in for almost a month now) has been prepping termination files and scanning them into the system…. Takes forever because every file has 100+ pages that have to be unstapled, organized and separated into stacks of no more than 20, and then scanned into the copier, checked on the computer and grouped into files based on the person’s name.
Takes FOREVER
Which gives me way too much time to think. Its pretty mindless work, quite easy to do it and have indepth conversations with myself and I’ve been thinking a lot about some stuff that happened in the last two days and a conversation I had with my roommate last night.
The general consensus?
When someone is going through a break up- either a relationship or a friendship (complicated yes but that’s what Jenny’s going through right now) the best thing to say is NOT
1. I know you’ll get through this
2. You’re stronger than you think
3. There’s someone else amazing out there for you
4. You deserve better/ You shouldn’t stay because it isn’t good for you
5. It’ll be rough at first but I promise things will get better
The best thing to say is this
“No matter what, you won’t be alone. I won’t let that happen.”
It’s the biggest fear when you lose your partner or your best friend- not only do you lose that person but quite often you lose your friend group/support network. And as Jenny says the only thing worse than being sad is being sad and alone.
I spent so many nights this summer and this fall sitting by myself in my room with no one to call, no one to talk to, and it’s the most unbearable feeling in the world. Now it is something I had to face, because now when I say I hope things work out with Andy I know its because I want to be with him and not just because I’m scared of not having any friends.
The best thing you can do for someone who is hurting is be there for them- make sure they know that YES it sucks, NO there isn’t anything to make it better, and YES they may never get over things entirely, it may always hurt, but while you can’t change any of those things, what you can do is be there for them so they don’t have to face it alone.
Facing these problems alone CAN make you stronger than if you have someone helping you, but that’s only if you can get through it. I faced it alone at first, and I WAS getting through it, but it was when I finally had people who stepped in that I was able to handle things.
A month and a half ago when things were so horrible and I was debating what I should do, everyone was trying to be helpful and tell me it would be better that I ended things now and eventually get over them, and I deserve better, and he was a jerk- but all of it just upset me more.
And I’ll never forget it- I was at my wit’s end, unable to go on and Kate invited me over. I told her and Rachael what was going on and she stopped and stared me straight in the face and said “I think you should do what you want to do , what you feel is right, forget what everyone else says, but I want you to know that if it does fall apart, I won’t judge you for making the wrong decision- I’ll just be here for you. If you’re ever feeling lonely, or sitting at home alone on a Friday night with nothing to do, I want you to call me- I don’t want you to have to face this alone.”
That night changed everything. It was the night I worked up the energy to try one last time, gave me the strength to have the conversation with Andy the next day which led everything up until this point.
Why am I bringing this all up?
Jenny is having issues with some friends of hers. It’s a bad situation, they treat her like crap, and she knows she needs to remove herself from the situation- but its scary because that’s really her only group of friends so far in Gainesville (She transferred here too) and as we were talking last night and I was trying to think of what advice I could offer her, the previous dialogue ran through my head and that’s what I told her.
I said “ I can give you what I think and what I believe, but the truth is only you know the whole situation and only you know what you want. At some point you have to decide- what’s more important? Making sure I get treated the way I think I should be- or making sure I keep their friendship at any cost? Only you can decide-but no matter what you decide, I know its scary to think you might lose your friends, but you won’t be alone. You have me, you have our other roommates, you have your other friends- don’t make a decision just because you’re afraid to be alone, because either way you won’t be.”
The greatest gift you can give someone is companionship- making sure they know they don’t have to face the world alone.
My current project (as in for almost a month now) has been prepping termination files and scanning them into the system…. Takes forever because every file has 100+ pages that have to be unstapled, organized and separated into stacks of no more than 20, and then scanned into the copier, checked on the computer and grouped into files based on the person’s name.
Takes FOREVER
Which gives me way too much time to think. Its pretty mindless work, quite easy to do it and have indepth conversations with myself and I’ve been thinking a lot about some stuff that happened in the last two days and a conversation I had with my roommate last night.
The general consensus?
When someone is going through a break up- either a relationship or a friendship (complicated yes but that’s what Jenny’s going through right now) the best thing to say is NOT
1. I know you’ll get through this
2. You’re stronger than you think
3. There’s someone else amazing out there for you
4. You deserve better/ You shouldn’t stay because it isn’t good for you
5. It’ll be rough at first but I promise things will get better
The best thing to say is this
“No matter what, you won’t be alone. I won’t let that happen.”
It’s the biggest fear when you lose your partner or your best friend- not only do you lose that person but quite often you lose your friend group/support network. And as Jenny says the only thing worse than being sad is being sad and alone.
I spent so many nights this summer and this fall sitting by myself in my room with no one to call, no one to talk to, and it’s the most unbearable feeling in the world. Now it is something I had to face, because now when I say I hope things work out with Andy I know its because I want to be with him and not just because I’m scared of not having any friends.
The best thing you can do for someone who is hurting is be there for them- make sure they know that YES it sucks, NO there isn’t anything to make it better, and YES they may never get over things entirely, it may always hurt, but while you can’t change any of those things, what you can do is be there for them so they don’t have to face it alone.
Facing these problems alone CAN make you stronger than if you have someone helping you, but that’s only if you can get through it. I faced it alone at first, and I WAS getting through it, but it was when I finally had people who stepped in that I was able to handle things.
A month and a half ago when things were so horrible and I was debating what I should do, everyone was trying to be helpful and tell me it would be better that I ended things now and eventually get over them, and I deserve better, and he was a jerk- but all of it just upset me more.
And I’ll never forget it- I was at my wit’s end, unable to go on and Kate invited me over. I told her and Rachael what was going on and she stopped and stared me straight in the face and said “I think you should do what you want to do , what you feel is right, forget what everyone else says, but I want you to know that if it does fall apart, I won’t judge you for making the wrong decision- I’ll just be here for you. If you’re ever feeling lonely, or sitting at home alone on a Friday night with nothing to do, I want you to call me- I don’t want you to have to face this alone.”
That night changed everything. It was the night I worked up the energy to try one last time, gave me the strength to have the conversation with Andy the next day which led everything up until this point.
Why am I bringing this all up?
Jenny is having issues with some friends of hers. It’s a bad situation, they treat her like crap, and she knows she needs to remove herself from the situation- but its scary because that’s really her only group of friends so far in Gainesville (She transferred here too) and as we were talking last night and I was trying to think of what advice I could offer her, the previous dialogue ran through my head and that’s what I told her.
I said “ I can give you what I think and what I believe, but the truth is only you know the whole situation and only you know what you want. At some point you have to decide- what’s more important? Making sure I get treated the way I think I should be- or making sure I keep their friendship at any cost? Only you can decide-but no matter what you decide, I know its scary to think you might lose your friends, but you won’t be alone. You have me, you have our other roommates, you have your other friends- don’t make a decision just because you’re afraid to be alone, because either way you won’t be.”
The greatest gift you can give someone is companionship- making sure they know they don’t have to face the world alone.