(no subject)
I need to be careful how to word this entry. My last entry was inappropriate. It was meant to be just a way for me to try to forget and get over my past, but did not work, only hurt people who did not deserve to be hurt in the process. The truth is there is a girl from my past who I STILL consider to be the most beautiful girl that I have ever met. And when I say beautiful I mean in every way possible. Obviously physically I was so very attracted to her, but also she has a sparkling personality. She knows when to be silly and when to be serious and she carries herself in a very mature and dignified way. She was a huge influence in my life (so much more than she or anyone else will ever know) and that is why it was so hard for me to lose her. She encouraged me to be a better person and challenged me in ways that no one had before, and even though it may not have seemed like I changed because of that, the truth is I did. She was the only thing that kept me going through a couple of hard months that I had personally, hard times that I probably should have shared with someone, especially her, but instead kept it bottled up. And this is not an entry to try to win her back because I know I don't deserve someone so perfect. This is just me trying to apologize, for the first time without excuses, as there are none. Hopefully she'll realize that and not think so poorly because at this point in my life there are only a very small amount of people who's opinions actually matter to me, and she is one. So basically, I'm sorry.