You aren't my friend for the things I can get from you. That includes your place and your stuff, but also your sympathy. This entry is a celebration of a sort to me, because I don't feel confined. i.e. last night Nate and I took a walk, and I said some things that probably made him think worse of me; but I was honest. And I've been thinking about your entries a lot, and part of the reason I haven't been around is that I don't want to hurt you. You don't like surprises, and I love them and can't organize myself (don't tell me with effort...I don't want to), and you have trouble telling people when they've offended you. You're trying to better yourself and I'm wallowing in my own imperfection. I don't even know where to begin-- I think you're trying to tell me, but I can't understand it this way. Just tell me. Whether it's here or over the phone, how you think I can be around you without endangering your well-being, and without frustrating me to the point where I just give up for a few days. Because I love you, and I don't want to piss you off or make you feel bad, but we are very much NOT the same person. I realize that I frustrate you, and that makes me feel insecure when I'm around about what mood I'm going to leave you in. Anyway, thank you for the well intended support, and I'm sorry I haven't called you back. I'm working tonight until midnight, and tomorrow until 3, so if you want, I can call you, or you can me. Love you, Mace.
And I've been thinking about your entries a lot, and part of the reason I haven't been around is that I don't want to hurt you. You don't like surprises, and I love them and can't organize myself (don't tell me with effort...I don't want to), and you have trouble telling people when they've offended you. You're trying to better yourself and I'm wallowing in my own imperfection. I don't even know where to begin-- I think you're trying to tell me, but I can't understand it this way. Just tell me. Whether it's here or over the phone, how you think I can be around you without endangering your well-being, and without frustrating me to the point where I just give up for a few days. Because I love you, and I don't want to piss you off or make you feel bad, but we are very much NOT the same person. I realize that I frustrate you, and that makes me feel insecure when I'm around about what mood I'm going to leave you in.
Anyway, thank you for the well intended support, and I'm sorry I haven't called you back. I'm working tonight until midnight, and tomorrow until 3, so if you want, I can call you, or you can me.
Love you, Mace.
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