this life........
here i am, starting my 38th year, i've heard before that birthdays are a good point to start over, to find new beginnings, but really, i wasn't looking for this much of a clean slate. it's easy to pick up the peices and move on when you only lose one thing, but i sit here knowing i could have been fine losing the relationship (i've been in this boat before), i could have even been fine losing another job (something could turn up), and i could have even been ok losing a place to live (could have just moved somewhere else), it would have even been alright to lose a friend (she's only been around since february). it's losing all of that at once that's made this life more difficult than it really has to be.
the real challenge is going to be seeing me claw and struggle my way through this, it's been a week and so far not so good. i sit here this morning in someone elses house, on someone elses computer, sleeping on someone elses couch, feeling the impact of just how disasterous this situation is. i have nineteen dollars in my wallet and i don't know where i'll be tomorrow. i'm too tired to fight, too worn out to give a fuck, too tired to scream.
yes i've made a lot of mistakes, no i can't find anyone else to blame (believe me, i've tried). all i'm left with is to try and find a way to clean all of this up, move on and salvage some kind of life. it wasn't long ago that i would have rather died than lost one important thing, now i've lost everything and all i want to do is survive, pretty damn ironic, huh? i'm over the if only's, the chould have's and should have's and have moved on to the now what................
seriously now what?
the real challenge is going to be seeing me claw and struggle my way through this, it's been a week and so far not so good. i sit here this morning in someone elses house, on someone elses computer, sleeping on someone elses couch, feeling the impact of just how disasterous this situation is. i have nineteen dollars in my wallet and i don't know where i'll be tomorrow. i'm too tired to fight, too worn out to give a fuck, too tired to scream.
yes i've made a lot of mistakes, no i can't find anyone else to blame (believe me, i've tried). all i'm left with is to try and find a way to clean all of this up, move on and salvage some kind of life. it wasn't long ago that i would have rather died than lost one important thing, now i've lost everything and all i want to do is survive, pretty damn ironic, huh? i'm over the if only's, the chould have's and should have's and have moved on to the now what................
seriously now what?