The girl runs. Who, what, why, where, how? I don't know.
So, maybe I haven't told you anything much for... let's see... 5 months...
Camp was camp. It was too far away ago to think about. That takes care of a couple of months.
At the end of September I went to College of the Atlantic. I went canoeing for a week with a bunch of other new students down the Allagash River, and it was wonderful, except that day when we canoed for 17 miles on flatwater against the wind and my partner barely did anything! Going down the rapids was definately the most fun. I wanna do it again! Except some people were obsessed with drugs and it was annoying... Us girls slept all in one tent though and it was so much fun! We also took breaks in middle of the day and we went swimming a couple of times in the cold cold water. We saw moose and heron and so MUCH! Hearing the call of loons when we went to sleep, waking up to the sound of the fire crackling... mmmm.... and such good food!
I think I am the only person I know who didn't think about, change, or at least attempt to change, any of their classes. I took: An Introduction to the Philosophy of Education, Ecology: Natural History, and Human Ecology. At first I didn't like my philosophy class that much, but now I realize how much I gained from it. On the flip side, my Natural History class seemed promising, but I feel that we could have learned so much more. Plus, the professor could not relate to me what he actually wants on assignments, and I don't understand why I keep getting such bad grades, besides the fact that he has some perfect essay in his mind and how much ours matches his is how we get graded... although that isn't fair because the only way we could know what he wants is by him to give us our essay!
Before class started, though, I told my mom that I was with Who. She was completely surprised! Then she got angry at me for lying to her... that was fun.
Oh, and like a week after that I called her to tell her that I didn't want to go to school any more and I was dropping out after the end of this term. I expected her to completely freak out but she sighed and sounded tired and said "Ok." Of course she kept asking me if I was sure, but she is being so much better about it than I expected. She even asked me if I wanted to leave right then, which I decided not to. And Whosah's parents aren't too happy...
But me? I don't think I'm happy or unhappy so much as scared. I don't have a job even though I inquired into about 30 of them. Most of the people never even got back to me. Right now I am hoping to get a job in Chester County, PA at Maysie's Farm, which is an organic CSA. Not knowing what I am going to do makes me so stressed out, because I know that I can't stay home.
Already my mom is lecturing me, and I know that when I get home she'll tell me to do all this stuff and try to run my life for me. I really can't deal with her sometimes. I have to share a bed with my little sister, which isn't the worst thing in the world, but she goes to bed rather late and I early... but perhaps we can just talk and fall asleep whenever that happens. Remember when we were little and mom would always come in and yell at us for whispering? Ooh, we should read bed time stories to each other! Remember when mom came into my room last year and woke us up just so she could drag you down to your room because she is irrational like that? I really don't understand it, and I don't think I ever will.
Right, so anyway. I went to dances and watched movies and went to town and talked to people like a normal college student. I live in a house called Seafox which houses mainly really cool people, but their are some bitchy ones.
My roomate reminds me a lot of Daffodil, and for those of you who don't know her, this means that they could have put me with a more incompatible person, but it would have been hard. It's been especially hard to live with her the past few weeks because she hardly ever showers (as in not even once a week, I'm not even sure if every two weeks) or does laundry, and shes never ever changed her bedding, but since she smells so much herself she doesn't realize how much our room smells. Plus, she's hardly ever there, just there enough to make it smell really bad. And she leaves her jacket in the middle of her bed so the whole room gets to smell like her jacket, which smells like pot, which would be better than her dirty laundry, except mixed with her dirty laundry it is even worse. Yeah, anyway, I pretend to stand her. I actually did in the beginning of the year, and the first week of school she's all like "you're too hard to live with" and there was a whole big drama there. Basically she wanted me to move out even though she was the one who has a problem with me for reasons that had to do with her being unable to deal with living with another person rather than anything that was actually wrong. So she picked at every possible thing to make me look like a horrible person, including a fiasco with some guy... so stupid... Anyway we pretty much just leave each other alone.
Yeah, so where was I? Oh, mm I particpated in a canoeing race with my OOPS trip student leader and we won first place in our category. There was nobody else in our category, but that's okay. We still won and it was a lot of fun.
I did a bunch of hiking in Acadia National Park, which I can walk to, not to rub it in. Some of the trails were super scary, as in hey, dying is an option today scary. I have not been climbing in a long while, though technically one of the trails was really a non-technical climbing route.
All of my shoes except my dress ones also died for various reasons so I bought new ones. E-bay is a great place.
I started knitting again. I made my girlfriend a really really long fun scarf and she looks so cute in it. I gave it to her when she visited me, which also coincided perfectly with me being sick for the only time this whole school year. We had lots of fun anyway though.
I shaved my head when Whosah was here, and then like two weeks later I lost both of my hats and never found either of them. They're probably mixed in with my roomate's stuff somewhere, like what happens with my sister Amanda, but whatever. I really really like it a lot, it is a really great experience to have a shaved head. Everything feels different. I wanna do it again!
The Vegan food here is usually awesome! We don't get fed on the weekends and I am so poor that I usually go a bit hungry. On Sunday nights we have community dinner, where we take turns cooking for all of the house. Sarah and I made Pasta e Fagiole... yummy. I love food. Whenever I am really excited about food I usually get the same server and I think that he thinks I am crazily obsessed... but it is so much fun!
So now it's November and I am going to go home in a few days. People keep talking about me leaving and I keep telling them not to think about it. It was so great though, listening to Brooke play the guitar and sing. She's going to make an album over break and I am so excited to hear it! I found out yesterday that she never writes down any of her songs though, so I yelled at her for that.
Now it is the last week of school and I have all these papers and projects to finish, but I don't really feel like it right now. I really feel like I've written some decent papers here, some that I really really like. Philosophy is fun. I'm also writing an essay on passion right now and that too is fun.
I haven't felt really passionate in a long time, like 5, 6 years. I didn't think that I would ever really feel so passionate like that again, but one day it just happened, and it's so amazing. I can't really separate passion and spirituality for me. Ah, there's so much that I'm thinking right now, but... I used to be Pagan and then about some time in August I realized that I didn't believe in anything anymore. I wanted to but I just couldn't grasp the idea. Then about two weeks ago I did, and it was so true and made so much sense in a way that I don't understand how I didn't know it.
I believe that all that God is, is this feeling inside yourself that you get when everything is so right, like when you are doing something that you love and everything is so together and you feel so centered in it. I can't really explain it at all, but life is beautiful. It is much more than being happy, it is just feeling so well, that there is soul, and just... I can't explain. I was reading this article on different types of spirituality and thinking about how sad it was that I didn't really have any, and then I realized that I did, and it was so... odd in a really wonderful way.
It was very strange juxtaposition when I felt so light and free and happy all at once that one night (I can never really explain it to you) and then after that something happens that is the opposite of that, and I didn't know what to do with that. Such information didn't fit in with the inside of me right then, but it was still happening, and it was wrong... and I just didn't get it. It was horrible. I could have easily just rejected everything but I knew that I really couldn't, because that wouldn't be true. Yeah, so I don't have a religion because I don't understand what religion is, but that is okay.
I think that I've covered the basics. Oh, I'll be on Long Island Sunday night some time.
Camp was camp. It was too far away ago to think about. That takes care of a couple of months.
At the end of September I went to College of the Atlantic. I went canoeing for a week with a bunch of other new students down the Allagash River, and it was wonderful, except that day when we canoed for 17 miles on flatwater against the wind and my partner barely did anything! Going down the rapids was definately the most fun. I wanna do it again! Except some people were obsessed with drugs and it was annoying... Us girls slept all in one tent though and it was so much fun! We also took breaks in middle of the day and we went swimming a couple of times in the cold cold water. We saw moose and heron and so MUCH! Hearing the call of loons when we went to sleep, waking up to the sound of the fire crackling... mmmm.... and such good food!
I think I am the only person I know who didn't think about, change, or at least attempt to change, any of their classes. I took: An Introduction to the Philosophy of Education, Ecology: Natural History, and Human Ecology. At first I didn't like my philosophy class that much, but now I realize how much I gained from it. On the flip side, my Natural History class seemed promising, but I feel that we could have learned so much more. Plus, the professor could not relate to me what he actually wants on assignments, and I don't understand why I keep getting such bad grades, besides the fact that he has some perfect essay in his mind and how much ours matches his is how we get graded... although that isn't fair because the only way we could know what he wants is by him to give us our essay!
Before class started, though, I told my mom that I was with Who. She was completely surprised! Then she got angry at me for lying to her... that was fun.
Oh, and like a week after that I called her to tell her that I didn't want to go to school any more and I was dropping out after the end of this term. I expected her to completely freak out but she sighed and sounded tired and said "Ok." Of course she kept asking me if I was sure, but she is being so much better about it than I expected. She even asked me if I wanted to leave right then, which I decided not to. And Whosah's parents aren't too happy...
But me? I don't think I'm happy or unhappy so much as scared. I don't have a job even though I inquired into about 30 of them. Most of the people never even got back to me. Right now I am hoping to get a job in Chester County, PA at Maysie's Farm, which is an organic CSA. Not knowing what I am going to do makes me so stressed out, because I know that I can't stay home.
Already my mom is lecturing me, and I know that when I get home she'll tell me to do all this stuff and try to run my life for me. I really can't deal with her sometimes. I have to share a bed with my little sister, which isn't the worst thing in the world, but she goes to bed rather late and I early... but perhaps we can just talk and fall asleep whenever that happens. Remember when we were little and mom would always come in and yell at us for whispering? Ooh, we should read bed time stories to each other! Remember when mom came into my room last year and woke us up just so she could drag you down to your room because she is irrational like that? I really don't understand it, and I don't think I ever will.
Right, so anyway. I went to dances and watched movies and went to town and talked to people like a normal college student. I live in a house called Seafox which houses mainly really cool people, but their are some bitchy ones.
My roomate reminds me a lot of Daffodil, and for those of you who don't know her, this means that they could have put me with a more incompatible person, but it would have been hard. It's been especially hard to live with her the past few weeks because she hardly ever showers (as in not even once a week, I'm not even sure if every two weeks) or does laundry, and shes never ever changed her bedding, but since she smells so much herself she doesn't realize how much our room smells. Plus, she's hardly ever there, just there enough to make it smell really bad. And she leaves her jacket in the middle of her bed so the whole room gets to smell like her jacket, which smells like pot, which would be better than her dirty laundry, except mixed with her dirty laundry it is even worse. Yeah, anyway, I pretend to stand her. I actually did in the beginning of the year, and the first week of school she's all like "you're too hard to live with" and there was a whole big drama there. Basically she wanted me to move out even though she was the one who has a problem with me for reasons that had to do with her being unable to deal with living with another person rather than anything that was actually wrong. So she picked at every possible thing to make me look like a horrible person, including a fiasco with some guy... so stupid... Anyway we pretty much just leave each other alone.
Yeah, so where was I? Oh, mm I particpated in a canoeing race with my OOPS trip student leader and we won first place in our category. There was nobody else in our category, but that's okay. We still won and it was a lot of fun.
I did a bunch of hiking in Acadia National Park, which I can walk to, not to rub it in. Some of the trails were super scary, as in hey, dying is an option today scary. I have not been climbing in a long while, though technically one of the trails was really a non-technical climbing route.
All of my shoes except my dress ones also died for various reasons so I bought new ones. E-bay is a great place.
I started knitting again. I made my girlfriend a really really long fun scarf and she looks so cute in it. I gave it to her when she visited me, which also coincided perfectly with me being sick for the only time this whole school year. We had lots of fun anyway though.
I shaved my head when Whosah was here, and then like two weeks later I lost both of my hats and never found either of them. They're probably mixed in with my roomate's stuff somewhere, like what happens with my sister Amanda, but whatever. I really really like it a lot, it is a really great experience to have a shaved head. Everything feels different. I wanna do it again!
The Vegan food here is usually awesome! We don't get fed on the weekends and I am so poor that I usually go a bit hungry. On Sunday nights we have community dinner, where we take turns cooking for all of the house. Sarah and I made Pasta e Fagiole... yummy. I love food. Whenever I am really excited about food I usually get the same server and I think that he thinks I am crazily obsessed... but it is so much fun!
So now it's November and I am going to go home in a few days. People keep talking about me leaving and I keep telling them not to think about it. It was so great though, listening to Brooke play the guitar and sing. She's going to make an album over break and I am so excited to hear it! I found out yesterday that she never writes down any of her songs though, so I yelled at her for that.
Now it is the last week of school and I have all these papers and projects to finish, but I don't really feel like it right now. I really feel like I've written some decent papers here, some that I really really like. Philosophy is fun. I'm also writing an essay on passion right now and that too is fun.
I haven't felt really passionate in a long time, like 5, 6 years. I didn't think that I would ever really feel so passionate like that again, but one day it just happened, and it's so amazing. I can't really separate passion and spirituality for me. Ah, there's so much that I'm thinking right now, but... I used to be Pagan and then about some time in August I realized that I didn't believe in anything anymore. I wanted to but I just couldn't grasp the idea. Then about two weeks ago I did, and it was so true and made so much sense in a way that I don't understand how I didn't know it.
I believe that all that God is, is this feeling inside yourself that you get when everything is so right, like when you are doing something that you love and everything is so together and you feel so centered in it. I can't really explain it at all, but life is beautiful. It is much more than being happy, it is just feeling so well, that there is soul, and just... I can't explain. I was reading this article on different types of spirituality and thinking about how sad it was that I didn't really have any, and then I realized that I did, and it was so... odd in a really wonderful way.
It was very strange juxtaposition when I felt so light and free and happy all at once that one night (I can never really explain it to you) and then after that something happens that is the opposite of that, and I didn't know what to do with that. Such information didn't fit in with the inside of me right then, but it was still happening, and it was wrong... and I just didn't get it. It was horrible. I could have easily just rejected everything but I knew that I really couldn't, because that wouldn't be true. Yeah, so I don't have a religion because I don't understand what religion is, but that is okay.
I think that I've covered the basics. Oh, I'll be on Long Island Sunday night some time.