Blah...
I don't even know how long it's been since I've written. So much has happened. The summer was full of, what now seems useless, work. 2-3 jobs was not my ideal summer vacation, but it made it fly by. I'm now in full gear at school and have found this semester is going to kick my ass. I don't know why I did this to myself. Normally 18 hours is a breeze...this semester... NOT so much. On top of the normal work load I'm trying to complete Phase 2 in EIL, help coach the JV/Varsity cheerleading squads at Northeastern, and work... which is also changing.
I guess the title of this semester would be Change. I've changed so much in the past year, and the semester continues to bring more changes. I now live in this awesome apartment with my 3 roomies, who are just as awesome. I get to be involved in more things this year too. I am helping Julie coach the jv and varsity cheerleaders. Although it's a little ackward, things have gone well so far. I love being involved again, and have finally come to terms I'm too chicken to have surgery, which means I won't be cheering again. I am also changing my place of employment. I'm just moving across the street, to Olive Garden. I start server training Monday... hopefully I'll start making some money to pay for all these bills!
I've stayed single all summer. It's been weird. When I left school for the summer I was kind of seeing Scott, which continued until he decided he was leaving for Massachusetts. He even came to Richmond and visited twice before he left. We continued talking while he was there, which was surprising, but nothing serious was ever there. I really didn't have too much time to think about guys this summer. I came back to school being unattached. My goal has been to just be a happy person, not have to be attached... and I think I've found I can be that way, and have been for the past year and a half. Now, for the past week, since I've been nice and friendly to David and we can now have conversations and have been talking I am starting to realize there was something really nice about having a boyfriend. I enjoy having someone to relax with and be cool with. I know it won't be with him, but I'm thinking it would be great to have someone who will treat me like I should be.
Before I left to come back to school, 2 weeks before to be exact, craziness happened. Dan got brave, asked me for my number, and called me up to hang out. The final two weeks of my summer were a blast, in large part because of him. He's awesome... but I was really dragging my feet because I didn't think I was ready to get in a relationship and really wasn't sure if that was the thing to do w/ him because he wasn't going to be at school with me. Call me crazy, but for some reason that matters. Now I find myself at a point where I don't know what to do or what to think. There are guys up here I think are totally dateable, but none seem to be excited about dating, or do a good job hiding it. Plus... what do I make of Scott and Dan? Or even a few other guys? The fear of being let down or lied to still consumes my perception of the whole relationship thing. But who? And when? and Why?
At this point, I'm sure nothing is making sense. I just don't know how to make the things in my head come out on paper (or in this case the screen.) I guess for some reason I'm jealous that my roomies have these wonderful relationships with guys who treat them like gold. It's something I've never had before and it's something I want... I think. There are times I wish I were a guy, wouldn't be emotional about this kind of thing and wish I could just let things happen. I just pray God will give me the strength to get through the semester and put the right people in my life.
I guess the title of this semester would be Change. I've changed so much in the past year, and the semester continues to bring more changes. I now live in this awesome apartment with my 3 roomies, who are just as awesome. I get to be involved in more things this year too. I am helping Julie coach the jv and varsity cheerleaders. Although it's a little ackward, things have gone well so far. I love being involved again, and have finally come to terms I'm too chicken to have surgery, which means I won't be cheering again. I am also changing my place of employment. I'm just moving across the street, to Olive Garden. I start server training Monday... hopefully I'll start making some money to pay for all these bills!
I've stayed single all summer. It's been weird. When I left school for the summer I was kind of seeing Scott, which continued until he decided he was leaving for Massachusetts. He even came to Richmond and visited twice before he left. We continued talking while he was there, which was surprising, but nothing serious was ever there. I really didn't have too much time to think about guys this summer. I came back to school being unattached. My goal has been to just be a happy person, not have to be attached... and I think I've found I can be that way, and have been for the past year and a half. Now, for the past week, since I've been nice and friendly to David and we can now have conversations and have been talking I am starting to realize there was something really nice about having a boyfriend. I enjoy having someone to relax with and be cool with. I know it won't be with him, but I'm thinking it would be great to have someone who will treat me like I should be.
Before I left to come back to school, 2 weeks before to be exact, craziness happened. Dan got brave, asked me for my number, and called me up to hang out. The final two weeks of my summer were a blast, in large part because of him. He's awesome... but I was really dragging my feet because I didn't think I was ready to get in a relationship and really wasn't sure if that was the thing to do w/ him because he wasn't going to be at school with me. Call me crazy, but for some reason that matters. Now I find myself at a point where I don't know what to do or what to think. There are guys up here I think are totally dateable, but none seem to be excited about dating, or do a good job hiding it. Plus... what do I make of Scott and Dan? Or even a few other guys? The fear of being let down or lied to still consumes my perception of the whole relationship thing. But who? And when? and Why?
At this point, I'm sure nothing is making sense. I just don't know how to make the things in my head come out on paper (or in this case the screen.) I guess for some reason I'm jealous that my roomies have these wonderful relationships with guys who treat them like gold. It's something I've never had before and it's something I want... I think. There are times I wish I were a guy, wouldn't be emotional about this kind of thing and wish I could just let things happen. I just pray God will give me the strength to get through the semester and put the right people in my life.