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Dec 24, 2012 00:11

So, this is the first time I have posted to Live journal in years. I read through all of my posts and wow... what it was like to be young and stupid. I am completely sober from everything. I am currently in recovery...for life. I realized that I am an addict and damn has life changed. But I am a stronger person through all the pain and suffering. And it feels good to feel like myself again. I am looking forward to living my life, maybe going back to school...taking an art class and get into painting more....the portraits i paint are just..."cartooney"... i guess art is in the eye of the beholder though right? I need to start writing again in a real journal. I also want to continue meditating everyday and maybe doing Reiki 1,2 and 3. I want to help other people, maybe be a substance abuse counselor? Shit takes time, but for once in my life I am happy again. I am a new person, and I am looking forward to living and not just existing. I dont even know who has LiveJournal anymore. I need real friends. I love my family. They are very supportive and I get along with them so much better now. I have been listening to all my "emo" music from high school and it totally makes me feel good. I love the grateful dead. I hope I can still go to music festivals and eat acid or mushrooms one day, But I know I can reach that level of consciousness sober but its so fucking hard. I can't do drugs though, thats the addict in me talking. But really...LSD and Mushrooms are spiritual tools..........oh well. I think I am just finding myself in my life and learning to be a new and better person. I am a great person, I know that. But I dont give a fuck about one god damn thing if i'm using. So I've learned that I am a much happier person when I am sober and its not worth getting high all the time. It brings me to dark places and I just want to see the light. I want a real journal, I guess I wanted to read through my posts because I wanted to see what I was like back then. I feel so different now. I don't have many friends. I have been at the 99 for 5 years and I'm over it now. Dont get me wrong, I love it there because its such good money and I am very good at my job, but I need a full time job. Something real. I applied at charter, got a call back and took an assessment test. Hope to get a call back after the holiday. Crossing my fingers. I guess thats all for now. 
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