What I Tell Myself
Everyone has those little things they tell themselves to get through the day.
I've had a good one: "I'm building my foundation."
This is what I tell myself when I don't want to get ready to leave. It helps me be on time. Right now I'm in a place where I need to work hard at getting a job.
Graduation was amazing. I've never had a graduation where I had to create a portfolio, build a website of it, and then take the best pieces, make them into posters, mount them, suspend them from the ceiling, then sit and greet all the family (some family that showed up to surprise me!), friends and potential employers I've spent months inviting. Oh, and I designed, printed and addressed the invitations myself. I am totally hiring someone next time.
So after that - and after picking up a new way of dealing with stress: migraines - I am on a new mission: find a job. Well, I still am at my coffee shop. I can't believe I haven't been fired for being late, or for all the time off I requested. I am in fact the longest working employee! My name is at the top of the schedule. I'm actually friends with everyone, and I like it there! I never would've known this day would come.
So. After all my work to graduate, I have graduated. Now that I'm done with school, I have a hard-cover, white, screw-post portfolio. That was a lot of work! Oh, and apparently the migraines I've picked up indicate that I have a chance of stroke, but I am young and my doctor isn't too worried. I think I will start running to get my health in top shape.
Back to getting ready to leave. I have dedicated myself to getting a job. This means that I have presented my portfolio to multiple creative staffing firms. And this means that I have a few of their clients (like, real Seattle Ad Agencies!!!) that are interested in me, and I have already had a few interviews. I might even get flown to California for another interview!
But I do not have any job offers, so I must continue with interviews, presentations, networking events, and sometimes headaches.
Tomorrow and Wednesday, I have a total of three networking events, two of which I have no companion. I feel horribly nervous about this, and I am dreading moments of sitting by myself, pretending to be interested in a game of Sudoku on my phone while everyone around me is chatting and bonding. Since I am done with school, I can't list my school on my name tag for the company I'm with, so I have tacked "Design" at the end of my first and last name and I am pretending to be a freelance front-end graphic designer. (Well, technically I am.) I even dread leaving the house for this event. I get myself to go to these things by telling myself a particular phrase. Yes, the phrase, "I am building my foundation."
It's a little liberating. I'm building my foundation. It helps me make good choices.
And after a lot of work doing uncomfortable things, I predict that I will reap good benefits.
Speaking of choices, I have also come upon a new realization: When I'm faced with a tough decision and I'm worried about choosing the best option, sometimes both options are good, and I will win either way. That helps take the pressure off. So that too, is liberating.
But deep down, I think God has a lot of mercy on me. I don't deserve any of this good stuff. This education, this sea of opportunity, the mind in my head that loves to learn. Sometimes I worry that all the things around me are my god, and my true God is forgotten and abandoned. Sometimes I force myself to do things out of guilt, like tell myself I am following God when I might actually just be selfish, and sometimes it's from my heart, and I am so grateful to God, so taken by His beauty, and I long with all my soul to be with Him. I wish I had a deep passion for God all the time. It was kind of cool when the doctor told me I have a chance of stroke. It suddenly made life feel a little more real.
Why can't we be real anymore? As far as my boyfriend and me, we are surprisingly better. I've taken steps to change my own patterns, a big one being advice. Sometimes I have him screen my emails to make sure that my writing sounds professional. I've decided to just be real, and be me. That's the foundation I want to set up in my relationships, even if they are professional. Maybe I'll regret it, maybe I won't, but whatever. It's not his advice anymore, or his writing, or his opinion.
It's me.
I've had a good one: "I'm building my foundation."
This is what I tell myself when I don't want to get ready to leave. It helps me be on time. Right now I'm in a place where I need to work hard at getting a job.
Graduation was amazing. I've never had a graduation where I had to create a portfolio, build a website of it, and then take the best pieces, make them into posters, mount them, suspend them from the ceiling, then sit and greet all the family (some family that showed up to surprise me!), friends and potential employers I've spent months inviting. Oh, and I designed, printed and addressed the invitations myself. I am totally hiring someone next time.
So after that - and after picking up a new way of dealing with stress: migraines - I am on a new mission: find a job. Well, I still am at my coffee shop. I can't believe I haven't been fired for being late, or for all the time off I requested. I am in fact the longest working employee! My name is at the top of the schedule. I'm actually friends with everyone, and I like it there! I never would've known this day would come.
So. After all my work to graduate, I have graduated. Now that I'm done with school, I have a hard-cover, white, screw-post portfolio. That was a lot of work! Oh, and apparently the migraines I've picked up indicate that I have a chance of stroke, but I am young and my doctor isn't too worried. I think I will start running to get my health in top shape.
Back to getting ready to leave. I have dedicated myself to getting a job. This means that I have presented my portfolio to multiple creative staffing firms. And this means that I have a few of their clients (like, real Seattle Ad Agencies!!!) that are interested in me, and I have already had a few interviews. I might even get flown to California for another interview!
But I do not have any job offers, so I must continue with interviews, presentations, networking events, and sometimes headaches.
Tomorrow and Wednesday, I have a total of three networking events, two of which I have no companion. I feel horribly nervous about this, and I am dreading moments of sitting by myself, pretending to be interested in a game of Sudoku on my phone while everyone around me is chatting and bonding. Since I am done with school, I can't list my school on my name tag for the company I'm with, so I have tacked "Design" at the end of my first and last name and I am pretending to be a freelance front-end graphic designer. (Well, technically I am.) I even dread leaving the house for this event. I get myself to go to these things by telling myself a particular phrase. Yes, the phrase, "I am building my foundation."
It's a little liberating. I'm building my foundation. It helps me make good choices.
And after a lot of work doing uncomfortable things, I predict that I will reap good benefits.
Speaking of choices, I have also come upon a new realization: When I'm faced with a tough decision and I'm worried about choosing the best option, sometimes both options are good, and I will win either way. That helps take the pressure off. So that too, is liberating.
But deep down, I think God has a lot of mercy on me. I don't deserve any of this good stuff. This education, this sea of opportunity, the mind in my head that loves to learn. Sometimes I worry that all the things around me are my god, and my true God is forgotten and abandoned. Sometimes I force myself to do things out of guilt, like tell myself I am following God when I might actually just be selfish, and sometimes it's from my heart, and I am so grateful to God, so taken by His beauty, and I long with all my soul to be with Him. I wish I had a deep passion for God all the time. It was kind of cool when the doctor told me I have a chance of stroke. It suddenly made life feel a little more real.
Why can't we be real anymore? As far as my boyfriend and me, we are surprisingly better. I've taken steps to change my own patterns, a big one being advice. Sometimes I have him screen my emails to make sure that my writing sounds professional. I've decided to just be real, and be me. That's the foundation I want to set up in my relationships, even if they are professional. Maybe I'll regret it, maybe I won't, but whatever. It's not his advice anymore, or his writing, or his opinion.
It's me.