[log] the one with toe wiggling
Subject: Girl Boy Talk
Characters: Yagyuu Hiroshi, Yukimura Seiichi
Location: Seiichi’s bedroom
Time: Evening, March 29th (Following adventures at the pool)
Rating: PG
Summary: Yagyuu and Seiichi get together to discuss boy problems and Seiichi encourages Yagyuu to let his hair down more often.
Yagyuu straightened his shirt, smoothed the wrinkles out of his pants, then adjusted his glasses, fully aware he was stalling. Finally, after running a hand over his hair to make sure it was perfect, he stepped out of his room, walked the short distance down the hallway and rapped gently on Seiichi-kun’s door.
Seiichi himself had experienced... quite a day. Full of all sort of... things. Excitement, feelings... things. He leaned against the window in his room, letting out his breath slowly. That was why he came back to his room in the first place - to paint, to get this out of his mind. Something had changed, today - he finally (sort of) understood what Genichirou was trying to convey to him. They had argued a little, sure, but...
The knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. He scanned over his untouched canvas and considered painting a line on it, at least, so he wouldn’t look quite so much like he had just been standing there doing nothing. He set his paint and brushes down and went to the door, opening it only enough to see who it was. “Oh! Hiroshi.” He grinned, opening the door further. “Glad you came by.”
Yagyuu came in, smiling back at his good friend and former captain. He looked around and saw the paints and canvas set up. “Oh, if this is a bad time, I can come back later.” He stood rather awkwardly just inside the doorway. He was having some conflicting feelings and really wanted to talk to Seiichi-kun about them.
“No, no - come in.” Seiichi motioned to the couch - it really was ridiculously large, but then again, so was the room itself. “I just had an exciting afternoon... you know how it goes, I have to paint to clear my mind.” He seated himself on the couch, bringing up his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. “Make yourself at home.”
“Thank you.” Yagyuu sat down on the couch, a proper yet friendly distance away from Seiichi-kun. “What exciting things have you been up to this afternoon?” Best to ease into his issues...slowly. Very slowly. Besides, Seiichi-kun looked like he wanted to talk as well.
Where to begin? “Ah... I went with Genichirou, Bunta, and Jackal to the pool. Lucky... rather, Sengoku tagged along. We ran into Ootori, there.” It was more complex than that, of course. There was kissing and talk of dreams... and a few dunks in the pool. A faint, shy smile came to Seiichi’s lips. “Never mind that.” He waved a hand dismissively. “What brings you by, tonight?”
“Oddly enough, I also spent some time today at the pool. With Sanada-kun, Niou-kun and Akaya-kun.” He paused, then cut straight to the heart of the matter. “If I told you I was not attracted to one of those three, what would you say?” Because he was attracted to two of them, and one was a former kouhai and the other his best friend. If he were the type, he’d be acting rather frustrated by the dilemma.
“It’s like playing Russian roulette?” Seiichi said with a laugh. It was easy to be attracted to anyone who had graduated from Rikkai in their year... Akaya, Seiichi did not see that way, but he was certainly attractive. Genichirou was the most handsome man Seiichi had ever known, so he certainly would not fault his friend there for even a moment. Niou, well... there was definitely something charming about Niou.
“I’ve told you about some of my feelings for Niou,” Yagyuu said. “He has been my best friend since shortly after we became doubles partners. Even when we strived against one another or to outdo each other, we have been close. At some point...I realized I was attracted to him. I wasn’t sure if I were straight or gay, however, because I’m certainly not repulsed by the thought of women. But...now, last night I went to visit Akaya-kun and we had dinner. Then we went for dessert and ended up on the top deck looking at the stars...and I think I am attracted to him as well. I am quite aware that sexual attraction is a chemical reaction, I studied the mechanics of it in school. Am I simply...horny? Or is it the fact that it is just those two and not Sanada-kun, who is a fine figure of a man, don’t get me wrong...is there something wrong with me, Seiichi?” Yagyuu was aware that he was rambling and he wasn’t certain he was making sense. Only belatedly did he notice he had left the honorific off of his friend’s name.
Wrong? Seiichi scooted closer, doing away with the polite distance between them - they were friends. Seiichi rested his hand on Yagyuu’s shoulder, bowing his head just a little to make sure he caught the other man’s eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with you.” Seiichi was having flashbacks to his conversation with Renji where Renji questioned him as to why he would want a partner - what was so desirable about romance. “And sexual attraction isn’t just a chemical reaction, either.” He wondered how to explain what he was thinking in a way that Yagyuu would not just logic his way around whatever he said. “If I tore off my shirt, threw myself at you, looked at you though my lashes and purred your name in your ear, do you think it would start that ‘chemical reaction?’”
Yagyuu laughed slightly. “Well, it would start something. Quite likely a backpedalling to the door and an awkward attempt at excusing myself. You are quite attractive and it is possible there might be a physical reaction...but I do not imagine myself to be in love with you, Seiichi-kun. Even though I do love you dearly. But...” he paused for a long moment as he tried to put his thoughts into words. “Isn’t love, romantic love, supposed to be between *two* people? The way I feel...” he sighed, talking about this out loud was every bit as difficult as he had suspected it would be, “...why do I feel the same about them both? In the pool earlier, Niou-kun was teasing Akaya-kun. He put his arms around him and purred into his ear and...I felt left out. At first I thought it was simply that I was jealous...until I realized I couldn’t tell which I was jealous of. Does that make sense?” He leaned in toward the hand on his shoulder. It was hard to maintain his gentleman persona when he was so conflicted.
“It happens,” Seiichi assured him, brushing his thumb over Yagyuu’s shirt almost thoughtfully. “There are people who are happiest in relationships with two or even three other people - functional relationships at that. The term is, ‘polyamorous,’ and it’s not odd at all.” Of course, there were plenty of people in the world who would try to tell him otherwise - they certainly lived in a society where a relationship consisted of one male, one female... unless it was high school, then it could be two females “practicing” for being in a relationship with a male. Or, well, men could have sex with “beautiful” men, so long as it was just sex. Oh, and married people? Well, they didn’t love one another. The more Seiichi thought about it, the more Japan’s views on love seemed pretty fucked. But he was derailing himself. “What’s important about such a relationship is that all parties involved need to be on the same page - when you have two people, it’s hard enough. It means always having an open line of communication and understanding what everyone wants.”
Yagyuu chuckled ruefully. “Seiichi-kun, one of the two I’m interested in is Niou-kun. He’s hard to pin down. Even for me and I used to pretend to be him.” His smile turned a little more devious. “Although, if Akaya-kun and I work together, perhaps we could...pin him down.” He relaxed a bit, just enough to rest against the cushion behind him. He wanted to pull his legs up also, but being the Gentleman, couldn’t. Sometimes he felt as though he lived in a straightjacket. It was only with his closest and most trusted friends that he could let go of that. Fortunately, Seiichi-kun had become one such friend, over the years. “So, I’m not just being greedy, then? Wanting them both? I know you have been trying to get me to, “get out there,” and flirt and date and such...but my studies were always too important. I buried my feelings for Niou-kun under my schoolwork...but here, I don’t have any.” He rolled his eyes. “And the thing with Akaya-kun completely came out of nowhere, honest!”
“No it didn’t.” Maybe Seiichi didn’t see it coming, but that didn’t mean it came out of nowhere. “Akaya’s a great guy. He always has been - he’s passionate, energetic, and... well, not always on the ball, but he is smart.” He was everything Genichirou was, really. The two of them were so alike, it was almost frightening. “You know what I think? I think you’re trying too hard to be something you’re not. What’s causing you the trouble here isn’t having feelings for two people, it’s resisting having feelings for two people.” He examined Yagyuu’s posture, noticing a bit of tension in his back, his legs. “Put your feet up on the couch like this.” Seiichi wiggled his toes to demonstrate. “And wrap your arms around your knees. It’s nice to hug yourself sometimes.”
Yagyuu looked down at Seiichi-kun’s toes. “I...I think if I did that, I wouldn’t be able to stop.” He wasn’t entirely talking about hugging himself, but rather the idea of...letting go, of relaxing and...climbing out of that straight-jacket. It was one thing when he would pretend to be Niou-kun during junior high, because it was for a short period of time and then he would go back to pretending...to being himself again. If he were to do that now...when would he know when to stop? And what would people think? If the Gentleman were to just...stop. They’d stare, he knew there would be staring. Perhaps even laughter. He couldn’t do it in public, okay, fine, there, he had his boundary. He would just relax when he was...when? Just with Seiichi-kun? That was fine, yes. He would start with that.
Having completely over thought the subject, Yagyuu slowly brought his legs up until his heels were on the couch cushion. Then he took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around his knees. “Like...this?” he asked hesitantly.
With a smile, Seiichi nodded. “Almost perfect. Now wiggle your toes.” He wiggled his own toes again enticingly. It was hard to be in any sort of bad mood at all when your toes were wiggling - especially if they were in toe-socks, but Seiichi highly doubted Yagyuu wore anything of the sort. He was not really in any sort of state to be advising anyone on relationships, let alone on the wonders of toe-wiggling for improved mood, but he at least knew how to bring Yagyuu out of a mood and clear his mind.
Wiggle his toes? Yagyuu gave Seiichi-kun a rather doubtful look, but obediently wiggled his toes. Oo, that...that was actually quite fun. He shook his head for a moment with a slight laugh. He had always been the Gentleman...but when had fun left his life? When had he gotten so wound up, so stressed out, so overwhelmed by things that wiggling his toes was the most fun he could remember having in...far too long? “This is fun. Thank you, Seiichi-kun.” He smiled a little at his friend. “Thank you. Thank you for listening and for...well, letting me relax around you. You are a good friend.” He wiggled his toes again. “If I can ever repay the favor, you know you don’t need to ask. I realize I am not Yanagi, but I can listen.”
Not Yanagi? Well, no, no one was Renji - thank goodness there was only one of those in the world - but Yagyuu had been there for Seiichi when he felt out of contact with the others... he trusted him as much as he did Renji with his secrets. The difference was Renji tended to know his secrets without having to be told. “You already have - we have a fairly mutual trading of favors.” He tilted his head, watching his friend wiggle his toes. “Hiroshi, you could be like this around both of them, too. You can wiggle your toes and still be a gentleman. Being a gentleman isn’t about being strict with yourself or maintaining composure - it’s about treating everyone with the care and respect they deserve as human beings. Gentlemen wiggle their toes, too.”
Yagyuu looked up at Seiichi-kun. “A great many people are idiots. Maintaining my composure is quite often the only way I am able to give them the care and respect they are due as human beings. I’m sure you have noticed that I am, upon occasion, rather snide. I am strict with myself in part to keep that in check.” He wiggled his toes again, feeling some of the stress and tenseness seep away from his neck and shoulders. This toe-wiggling was some amazing stuff. Well, that and confiding in one of your best friends. “I can relax around you. And Niou-kun. But I think it is going to take a bit of time before I can relax around anyone else. Even Akaya-kun.” He hugged his knees a little harder. “Do you think they will wait for me? To be...wiggling my toes alongside of them both? Provided they both want me as well, of course,” he qualified. “For all I know, this is a one sided attraction. Although...I think Akaya-kun may have been flirting with me last night...”
“If you think he was, he probably was.” Though that advice came from the Seiichi who had been trying to beat into Genichirou’s head that he was attracted to him for what felt like decades, now... it really had only been a matter of a couple weeks. Just progress was slow with Genichirou - the rewards were nice, but the progress was very slow. “I think it will mean a lot to them if you relax around them before you feel comfortable doing so. Taking a chance like that, that’s what love - or like - is about.” He paused for a moment and added, “let me explain.”
Seiichi got to his feet and retrieved his sketchbook and a pencil, slipping back onto the couch and flipping to a fresh page. On one side of the page he drew “/3” on the other side, “3/” and then held it up for Yagyuu. He pointed to the first one. “This? This is being half-assed. It’s not taking any chances, not putting yourself in the game... there’s really nothing wrong with it, but your rewards will be as small as your risks.” He motioned to the second drawing. “This is putting your ass on the line. It’s scary and uncomfortable, but the rewards are comparable to your risks. Which means if you take a large risk - if you put your ass on the line - you have the opportunity to win big. If you don’t put yourself out there, you might not risk losing anything, but you also do not open up the possibility of winning."
There was a famous quote Seiichi heard somewhere - some hockey legend said it, but Seiichi knew absolutely nothing about hockey. You will miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. He would tell his students that - especially the ones who were afraid to come to the net to end the point - but it was just as relevant to love... or like, or whatever this was.
Yagyuu looked at the drawing and considered what Seiichi-kun said. “Just so you are aware, I realize that you are not solely speaking of putting my feet up or wiggling my toes when you speak of relaxing around them. And...I am more relaxed around Niou-kun, just as I am with you. It’s...” he paused a moment. “It’s the idea of letting other people see the real me...when I’m not sure anymore who that is. Several years ago I could have easily said, ‘this is my public persona, and this is me,’ but the lines have blurred and I am becoming more and more stuck in a role that I adopted simply to make my parents happy and the teachers to leave me alone.” He took a deep breath. “All right. They are my friends. Especially Niou-kun. I will...open up and take that chance.” One side of his mouth curled up into a smile, one of his rare real ones. “Perhaps I will even win. Thank you, Seiichi-kun.”
He debated leaving his friend to what he had been doing, but, he wiggled his toes again, he wasn’t quite ready to go yet. “If I am not a bother, sitting here, feel free to go back to your painting, Seiichi-kun. I love artists at their work. Or you could tell me why you look so much more relaxed and happier than I’ve seen you lately?” Yagyuu waited to hear the other’s reply.
“You’re never a bother,” Seiichi assured his friend, rolling his shoulders back to stretch them out. He considered Yagyuu’s words (and more importantly, his response) carefully. He was the one that kissed Genichirou out of the blue - granted it was a long time in coming - but the affection that Gencihirou showed him in return did mean something and had been on his mind since he returned from the pool. He got to his feet, electing to do as requested and take up his paints once more. The canvas was still blank and Seiichi still wasn’t sure what to put on it.
“You caught me trying to muster some semblance of a muse,” he admitted. “If worse come to worst, I’ll just do a Bob Ross style landscape and call it good.” Complete with happy little trees, he thought. He had the right paints with him for it, too - the acrylics were much more suited to that style than his usual oils. “If I am in a good mood, unfortunately it’s causing me problems creatively. You know, tortured artists are productive artists, and all that.”
“If our positions were reversed, you could sing,” Yagyuu teased his friend. “If worse did come to worse, you could do an oceanscape. Slap a few shades of blue on the canvas, a couple of happy clouds and voila.” He watched the other fuss with his paints. “It is interesting, is it not, that our entire team came, even Sanada-kun, and yet there are only three members of Atobe-kun’s old team here. Guess we had the better captain, hm?” he added with another small smile, wiggling his toes some more.
The complement caught Seiichi off-guard and he found a warm smile coming to his lips. “The one that left you guys in the lurch for eight months?” He sighed lightly, letting the tension leave his shoulders as he did - he hadn’t meant to bring up sour memories. “Gencihirou only came because I asked him to... so that we could resolve some... issues.” He ran the brush over the paper, taking Yagyuu’s suggestion of a simple oceanscape and starting with a very soft blue for the horizon and sky. “We hadn’t been talking.”
“Not by your own will,” Yagyuu pointed out. “You did do your best to keep our spirits up and support Sanada-kun and Yanagi-kun while you were hospitalized, plus you came back. To play in Nationals. That was no small feat and it did wonders for our morale.” He watched the play of the brush over the paper, seeing the beginnings of color come out. “I...see.” He pushed up his glasses and hugged his legs a little more. “By not talking do you mean not talking, or simply that Sanada-kun was not answering? He was...rather disheartened by his injury, I understand.” He started alternating flexing and releasing his toes. “However, from observing him in the pool earlier today, he seems to be starting to get back some of his range of motion. His left shoulder is still weaker than he’d like, but after a trauma like that, it’s no wonder.” Yes, Yagyuu had used his contacts to find out what had happened. Doctor-Patient confidentiality didn’t extend to “consultations” with other doctors, after all.
Seiichi’s hand paused almost imperceptibly before continuing in long strokes across the canvas. He took a moment to clean the brush, switching colors, remaining quiet as Yagyuu spoke, and thoughtful for a moment after. “It was the regular sort of not talking,” he said. “The kind where both parties involved are equally guilty.” After their argument in the hospital, Seiichi did not feel welcome approaching Genichirou... who really had only said the things he did out of some sense of duty to protect Seiichi. It was a mess. “I finally just showed up on his doorstep and apologized. That was effective.”
Yagyuu nodded, then answered aloud since he wasn’t sure if Seiichi still had his buchou-powers that enabled him to see what was going on behind his back...though he did deal with children these days, so it was likely. Anyway, he answered, “I see. Sanada-kun does seem to respond best to the...straightforward approach, I’ve noticed. I’ve also noticed that we members of Rikkai have a strong stubborn streak that runs through us,” Yagyuu said with a small smile. He knew he certainly did. “So I’m not terribly surprised that a situation like that came up. I am vastly relieved that you were able to resolve the issue with your coup d'etat, however, and that the both of you came on this trip.” Curious, he asked, “Have the two of you talked more since then?”
That... was the question of the hour. Seiichi chuckled, shaking his head. “Well, yes and no. We’re back to speaking to one another regularly, but I don’t know if anything is actually being relayed between us.” The problem seemed to be this: if Seiichi was anything but blunt, Genichirou had no idea what he was talking about even if he used a common idiom or made a standard pop culture reference. Of course, if he just came out and said exactly what he was thinking, he risked embarrassing Genichirou or driving him off.
Yagyuu adjusted his glasses. “If I may ask, what exactly is it that the two of you are trying to relay between you?” The two had seemed to work seamlessly together back in Junior High, but that could have been a combination of a common goal, a united front...and Yanagi. Back then Yagyuu usually had his hands full with his studies, his work with the Disciplinary Committee and Niou-kun. “I do have a little experience in working with Sanada-kun way back in Junior High, on the Disciplinary Committee. Although it may be rather out of date, if I can be of assistance, you know I am here for you, Seiichi-kun.” He wiggled his toes some more.
With a sudden, sharp laugh, Seiichi paused in his painting to look over his shoulder at Hiroshi. “Thank you, I do appreciate that. I think I’ve figured out that he and I do best when we don’t speak at all.” Or think - thinking got him in trouble, too. But little touches... smiles, that seemed to convey exactly what he meant effectively. And kisses. Well. Seiichi resumed painting in long strokes, laying the foundation for the water, now. “I’ll let you know if he becomes intolerable.”
“Please do,” Yagyuu said with another smile. “If nothing else, we can all go to karaoke and I will convince him to sing a duet with you. That should be sufficient punishment, don’t you think?” He laughed in a friendly, inclusive way.
Seiichi shot him a look. “I think that would punish all of you more than either of us.” It was no secret that he could not sing to save his life, but Genichirou himself was an excellent vocalist. He could probably carry the two of them through a song well enough.
Yagyuu adjusted his glasses and his toes. “I have no problem with that,” he said, referring to his rather hidden, but never far from the surface, sadistic streak. “Although Sanada-kun would no doubt save everyone.”
That is what he does best, Seiichi thought with a fond smile.
Characters: Yagyuu Hiroshi, Yukimura Seiichi
Location: Seiichi’s bedroom
Time: Evening, March 29th (Following adventures at the pool)
Rating: PG
Summary: Yagyuu and Seiichi get together to discuss boy problems and Seiichi encourages Yagyuu to let his hair down more often.
Yagyuu straightened his shirt, smoothed the wrinkles out of his pants, then adjusted his glasses, fully aware he was stalling. Finally, after running a hand over his hair to make sure it was perfect, he stepped out of his room, walked the short distance down the hallway and rapped gently on Seiichi-kun’s door.
Seiichi himself had experienced... quite a day. Full of all sort of... things. Excitement, feelings... things. He leaned against the window in his room, letting out his breath slowly. That was why he came back to his room in the first place - to paint, to get this out of his mind. Something had changed, today - he finally (sort of) understood what Genichirou was trying to convey to him. They had argued a little, sure, but...
The knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. He scanned over his untouched canvas and considered painting a line on it, at least, so he wouldn’t look quite so much like he had just been standing there doing nothing. He set his paint and brushes down and went to the door, opening it only enough to see who it was. “Oh! Hiroshi.” He grinned, opening the door further. “Glad you came by.”
Yagyuu came in, smiling back at his good friend and former captain. He looked around and saw the paints and canvas set up. “Oh, if this is a bad time, I can come back later.” He stood rather awkwardly just inside the doorway. He was having some conflicting feelings and really wanted to talk to Seiichi-kun about them.
“No, no - come in.” Seiichi motioned to the couch - it really was ridiculously large, but then again, so was the room itself. “I just had an exciting afternoon... you know how it goes, I have to paint to clear my mind.” He seated himself on the couch, bringing up his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. “Make yourself at home.”
“Thank you.” Yagyuu sat down on the couch, a proper yet friendly distance away from Seiichi-kun. “What exciting things have you been up to this afternoon?” Best to ease into his issues...slowly. Very slowly. Besides, Seiichi-kun looked like he wanted to talk as well.
Where to begin? “Ah... I went with Genichirou, Bunta, and Jackal to the pool. Lucky... rather, Sengoku tagged along. We ran into Ootori, there.” It was more complex than that, of course. There was kissing and talk of dreams... and a few dunks in the pool. A faint, shy smile came to Seiichi’s lips. “Never mind that.” He waved a hand dismissively. “What brings you by, tonight?”
“Oddly enough, I also spent some time today at the pool. With Sanada-kun, Niou-kun and Akaya-kun.” He paused, then cut straight to the heart of the matter. “If I told you I was not attracted to one of those three, what would you say?” Because he was attracted to two of them, and one was a former kouhai and the other his best friend. If he were the type, he’d be acting rather frustrated by the dilemma.
“It’s like playing Russian roulette?” Seiichi said with a laugh. It was easy to be attracted to anyone who had graduated from Rikkai in their year... Akaya, Seiichi did not see that way, but he was certainly attractive. Genichirou was the most handsome man Seiichi had ever known, so he certainly would not fault his friend there for even a moment. Niou, well... there was definitely something charming about Niou.
“I’ve told you about some of my feelings for Niou,” Yagyuu said. “He has been my best friend since shortly after we became doubles partners. Even when we strived against one another or to outdo each other, we have been close. At some point...I realized I was attracted to him. I wasn’t sure if I were straight or gay, however, because I’m certainly not repulsed by the thought of women. But...now, last night I went to visit Akaya-kun and we had dinner. Then we went for dessert and ended up on the top deck looking at the stars...and I think I am attracted to him as well. I am quite aware that sexual attraction is a chemical reaction, I studied the mechanics of it in school. Am I simply...horny? Or is it the fact that it is just those two and not Sanada-kun, who is a fine figure of a man, don’t get me wrong...is there something wrong with me, Seiichi?” Yagyuu was aware that he was rambling and he wasn’t certain he was making sense. Only belatedly did he notice he had left the honorific off of his friend’s name.
Wrong? Seiichi scooted closer, doing away with the polite distance between them - they were friends. Seiichi rested his hand on Yagyuu’s shoulder, bowing his head just a little to make sure he caught the other man’s eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with you.” Seiichi was having flashbacks to his conversation with Renji where Renji questioned him as to why he would want a partner - what was so desirable about romance. “And sexual attraction isn’t just a chemical reaction, either.” He wondered how to explain what he was thinking in a way that Yagyuu would not just logic his way around whatever he said. “If I tore off my shirt, threw myself at you, looked at you though my lashes and purred your name in your ear, do you think it would start that ‘chemical reaction?’”
Yagyuu laughed slightly. “Well, it would start something. Quite likely a backpedalling to the door and an awkward attempt at excusing myself. You are quite attractive and it is possible there might be a physical reaction...but I do not imagine myself to be in love with you, Seiichi-kun. Even though I do love you dearly. But...” he paused for a long moment as he tried to put his thoughts into words. “Isn’t love, romantic love, supposed to be between *two* people? The way I feel...” he sighed, talking about this out loud was every bit as difficult as he had suspected it would be, “...why do I feel the same about them both? In the pool earlier, Niou-kun was teasing Akaya-kun. He put his arms around him and purred into his ear and...I felt left out. At first I thought it was simply that I was jealous...until I realized I couldn’t tell which I was jealous of. Does that make sense?” He leaned in toward the hand on his shoulder. It was hard to maintain his gentleman persona when he was so conflicted.
“It happens,” Seiichi assured him, brushing his thumb over Yagyuu’s shirt almost thoughtfully. “There are people who are happiest in relationships with two or even three other people - functional relationships at that. The term is, ‘polyamorous,’ and it’s not odd at all.” Of course, there were plenty of people in the world who would try to tell him otherwise - they certainly lived in a society where a relationship consisted of one male, one female... unless it was high school, then it could be two females “practicing” for being in a relationship with a male. Or, well, men could have sex with “beautiful” men, so long as it was just sex. Oh, and married people? Well, they didn’t love one another. The more Seiichi thought about it, the more Japan’s views on love seemed pretty fucked. But he was derailing himself. “What’s important about such a relationship is that all parties involved need to be on the same page - when you have two people, it’s hard enough. It means always having an open line of communication and understanding what everyone wants.”
Yagyuu chuckled ruefully. “Seiichi-kun, one of the two I’m interested in is Niou-kun. He’s hard to pin down. Even for me and I used to pretend to be him.” His smile turned a little more devious. “Although, if Akaya-kun and I work together, perhaps we could...pin him down.” He relaxed a bit, just enough to rest against the cushion behind him. He wanted to pull his legs up also, but being the Gentleman, couldn’t. Sometimes he felt as though he lived in a straightjacket. It was only with his closest and most trusted friends that he could let go of that. Fortunately, Seiichi-kun had become one such friend, over the years. “So, I’m not just being greedy, then? Wanting them both? I know you have been trying to get me to, “get out there,” and flirt and date and such...but my studies were always too important. I buried my feelings for Niou-kun under my schoolwork...but here, I don’t have any.” He rolled his eyes. “And the thing with Akaya-kun completely came out of nowhere, honest!”
“No it didn’t.” Maybe Seiichi didn’t see it coming, but that didn’t mean it came out of nowhere. “Akaya’s a great guy. He always has been - he’s passionate, energetic, and... well, not always on the ball, but he is smart.” He was everything Genichirou was, really. The two of them were so alike, it was almost frightening. “You know what I think? I think you’re trying too hard to be something you’re not. What’s causing you the trouble here isn’t having feelings for two people, it’s resisting having feelings for two people.” He examined Yagyuu’s posture, noticing a bit of tension in his back, his legs. “Put your feet up on the couch like this.” Seiichi wiggled his toes to demonstrate. “And wrap your arms around your knees. It’s nice to hug yourself sometimes.”
Yagyuu looked down at Seiichi-kun’s toes. “I...I think if I did that, I wouldn’t be able to stop.” He wasn’t entirely talking about hugging himself, but rather the idea of...letting go, of relaxing and...climbing out of that straight-jacket. It was one thing when he would pretend to be Niou-kun during junior high, because it was for a short period of time and then he would go back to pretending...to being himself again. If he were to do that now...when would he know when to stop? And what would people think? If the Gentleman were to just...stop. They’d stare, he knew there would be staring. Perhaps even laughter. He couldn’t do it in public, okay, fine, there, he had his boundary. He would just relax when he was...when? Just with Seiichi-kun? That was fine, yes. He would start with that.
Having completely over thought the subject, Yagyuu slowly brought his legs up until his heels were on the couch cushion. Then he took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around his knees. “Like...this?” he asked hesitantly.
With a smile, Seiichi nodded. “Almost perfect. Now wiggle your toes.” He wiggled his own toes again enticingly. It was hard to be in any sort of bad mood at all when your toes were wiggling - especially if they were in toe-socks, but Seiichi highly doubted Yagyuu wore anything of the sort. He was not really in any sort of state to be advising anyone on relationships, let alone on the wonders of toe-wiggling for improved mood, but he at least knew how to bring Yagyuu out of a mood and clear his mind.
Wiggle his toes? Yagyuu gave Seiichi-kun a rather doubtful look, but obediently wiggled his toes. Oo, that...that was actually quite fun. He shook his head for a moment with a slight laugh. He had always been the Gentleman...but when had fun left his life? When had he gotten so wound up, so stressed out, so overwhelmed by things that wiggling his toes was the most fun he could remember having in...far too long? “This is fun. Thank you, Seiichi-kun.” He smiled a little at his friend. “Thank you. Thank you for listening and for...well, letting me relax around you. You are a good friend.” He wiggled his toes again. “If I can ever repay the favor, you know you don’t need to ask. I realize I am not Yanagi, but I can listen.”
Not Yanagi? Well, no, no one was Renji - thank goodness there was only one of those in the world - but Yagyuu had been there for Seiichi when he felt out of contact with the others... he trusted him as much as he did Renji with his secrets. The difference was Renji tended to know his secrets without having to be told. “You already have - we have a fairly mutual trading of favors.” He tilted his head, watching his friend wiggle his toes. “Hiroshi, you could be like this around both of them, too. You can wiggle your toes and still be a gentleman. Being a gentleman isn’t about being strict with yourself or maintaining composure - it’s about treating everyone with the care and respect they deserve as human beings. Gentlemen wiggle their toes, too.”
Yagyuu looked up at Seiichi-kun. “A great many people are idiots. Maintaining my composure is quite often the only way I am able to give them the care and respect they are due as human beings. I’m sure you have noticed that I am, upon occasion, rather snide. I am strict with myself in part to keep that in check.” He wiggled his toes again, feeling some of the stress and tenseness seep away from his neck and shoulders. This toe-wiggling was some amazing stuff. Well, that and confiding in one of your best friends. “I can relax around you. And Niou-kun. But I think it is going to take a bit of time before I can relax around anyone else. Even Akaya-kun.” He hugged his knees a little harder. “Do you think they will wait for me? To be...wiggling my toes alongside of them both? Provided they both want me as well, of course,” he qualified. “For all I know, this is a one sided attraction. Although...I think Akaya-kun may have been flirting with me last night...”
“If you think he was, he probably was.” Though that advice came from the Seiichi who had been trying to beat into Genichirou’s head that he was attracted to him for what felt like decades, now... it really had only been a matter of a couple weeks. Just progress was slow with Genichirou - the rewards were nice, but the progress was very slow. “I think it will mean a lot to them if you relax around them before you feel comfortable doing so. Taking a chance like that, that’s what love - or like - is about.” He paused for a moment and added, “let me explain.”
Seiichi got to his feet and retrieved his sketchbook and a pencil, slipping back onto the couch and flipping to a fresh page. On one side of the page he drew “/3” on the other side, “3/” and then held it up for Yagyuu. He pointed to the first one. “This? This is being half-assed. It’s not taking any chances, not putting yourself in the game... there’s really nothing wrong with it, but your rewards will be as small as your risks.” He motioned to the second drawing. “This is putting your ass on the line. It’s scary and uncomfortable, but the rewards are comparable to your risks. Which means if you take a large risk - if you put your ass on the line - you have the opportunity to win big. If you don’t put yourself out there, you might not risk losing anything, but you also do not open up the possibility of winning."
There was a famous quote Seiichi heard somewhere - some hockey legend said it, but Seiichi knew absolutely nothing about hockey. You will miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. He would tell his students that - especially the ones who were afraid to come to the net to end the point - but it was just as relevant to love... or like, or whatever this was.
Yagyuu looked at the drawing and considered what Seiichi-kun said. “Just so you are aware, I realize that you are not solely speaking of putting my feet up or wiggling my toes when you speak of relaxing around them. And...I am more relaxed around Niou-kun, just as I am with you. It’s...” he paused a moment. “It’s the idea of letting other people see the real me...when I’m not sure anymore who that is. Several years ago I could have easily said, ‘this is my public persona, and this is me,’ but the lines have blurred and I am becoming more and more stuck in a role that I adopted simply to make my parents happy and the teachers to leave me alone.” He took a deep breath. “All right. They are my friends. Especially Niou-kun. I will...open up and take that chance.” One side of his mouth curled up into a smile, one of his rare real ones. “Perhaps I will even win. Thank you, Seiichi-kun.”
He debated leaving his friend to what he had been doing, but, he wiggled his toes again, he wasn’t quite ready to go yet. “If I am not a bother, sitting here, feel free to go back to your painting, Seiichi-kun. I love artists at their work. Or you could tell me why you look so much more relaxed and happier than I’ve seen you lately?” Yagyuu waited to hear the other’s reply.
“You’re never a bother,” Seiichi assured his friend, rolling his shoulders back to stretch them out. He considered Yagyuu’s words (and more importantly, his response) carefully. He was the one that kissed Genichirou out of the blue - granted it was a long time in coming - but the affection that Gencihirou showed him in return did mean something and had been on his mind since he returned from the pool. He got to his feet, electing to do as requested and take up his paints once more. The canvas was still blank and Seiichi still wasn’t sure what to put on it.
“You caught me trying to muster some semblance of a muse,” he admitted. “If worse come to worst, I’ll just do a Bob Ross style landscape and call it good.” Complete with happy little trees, he thought. He had the right paints with him for it, too - the acrylics were much more suited to that style than his usual oils. “If I am in a good mood, unfortunately it’s causing me problems creatively. You know, tortured artists are productive artists, and all that.”
“If our positions were reversed, you could sing,” Yagyuu teased his friend. “If worse did come to worse, you could do an oceanscape. Slap a few shades of blue on the canvas, a couple of happy clouds and voila.” He watched the other fuss with his paints. “It is interesting, is it not, that our entire team came, even Sanada-kun, and yet there are only three members of Atobe-kun’s old team here. Guess we had the better captain, hm?” he added with another small smile, wiggling his toes some more.
The complement caught Seiichi off-guard and he found a warm smile coming to his lips. “The one that left you guys in the lurch for eight months?” He sighed lightly, letting the tension leave his shoulders as he did - he hadn’t meant to bring up sour memories. “Gencihirou only came because I asked him to... so that we could resolve some... issues.” He ran the brush over the paper, taking Yagyuu’s suggestion of a simple oceanscape and starting with a very soft blue for the horizon and sky. “We hadn’t been talking.”
“Not by your own will,” Yagyuu pointed out. “You did do your best to keep our spirits up and support Sanada-kun and Yanagi-kun while you were hospitalized, plus you came back. To play in Nationals. That was no small feat and it did wonders for our morale.” He watched the play of the brush over the paper, seeing the beginnings of color come out. “I...see.” He pushed up his glasses and hugged his legs a little more. “By not talking do you mean not talking, or simply that Sanada-kun was not answering? He was...rather disheartened by his injury, I understand.” He started alternating flexing and releasing his toes. “However, from observing him in the pool earlier today, he seems to be starting to get back some of his range of motion. His left shoulder is still weaker than he’d like, but after a trauma like that, it’s no wonder.” Yes, Yagyuu had used his contacts to find out what had happened. Doctor-Patient confidentiality didn’t extend to “consultations” with other doctors, after all.
Seiichi’s hand paused almost imperceptibly before continuing in long strokes across the canvas. He took a moment to clean the brush, switching colors, remaining quiet as Yagyuu spoke, and thoughtful for a moment after. “It was the regular sort of not talking,” he said. “The kind where both parties involved are equally guilty.” After their argument in the hospital, Seiichi did not feel welcome approaching Genichirou... who really had only said the things he did out of some sense of duty to protect Seiichi. It was a mess. “I finally just showed up on his doorstep and apologized. That was effective.”
Yagyuu nodded, then answered aloud since he wasn’t sure if Seiichi still had his buchou-powers that enabled him to see what was going on behind his back...though he did deal with children these days, so it was likely. Anyway, he answered, “I see. Sanada-kun does seem to respond best to the...straightforward approach, I’ve noticed. I’ve also noticed that we members of Rikkai have a strong stubborn streak that runs through us,” Yagyuu said with a small smile. He knew he certainly did. “So I’m not terribly surprised that a situation like that came up. I am vastly relieved that you were able to resolve the issue with your coup d'etat, however, and that the both of you came on this trip.” Curious, he asked, “Have the two of you talked more since then?”
That... was the question of the hour. Seiichi chuckled, shaking his head. “Well, yes and no. We’re back to speaking to one another regularly, but I don’t know if anything is actually being relayed between us.” The problem seemed to be this: if Seiichi was anything but blunt, Genichirou had no idea what he was talking about even if he used a common idiom or made a standard pop culture reference. Of course, if he just came out and said exactly what he was thinking, he risked embarrassing Genichirou or driving him off.
Yagyuu adjusted his glasses. “If I may ask, what exactly is it that the two of you are trying to relay between you?” The two had seemed to work seamlessly together back in Junior High, but that could have been a combination of a common goal, a united front...and Yanagi. Back then Yagyuu usually had his hands full with his studies, his work with the Disciplinary Committee and Niou-kun. “I do have a little experience in working with Sanada-kun way back in Junior High, on the Disciplinary Committee. Although it may be rather out of date, if I can be of assistance, you know I am here for you, Seiichi-kun.” He wiggled his toes some more.
With a sudden, sharp laugh, Seiichi paused in his painting to look over his shoulder at Hiroshi. “Thank you, I do appreciate that. I think I’ve figured out that he and I do best when we don’t speak at all.” Or think - thinking got him in trouble, too. But little touches... smiles, that seemed to convey exactly what he meant effectively. And kisses. Well. Seiichi resumed painting in long strokes, laying the foundation for the water, now. “I’ll let you know if he becomes intolerable.”
“Please do,” Yagyuu said with another smile. “If nothing else, we can all go to karaoke and I will convince him to sing a duet with you. That should be sufficient punishment, don’t you think?” He laughed in a friendly, inclusive way.
Seiichi shot him a look. “I think that would punish all of you more than either of us.” It was no secret that he could not sing to save his life, but Genichirou himself was an excellent vocalist. He could probably carry the two of them through a song well enough.
Yagyuu adjusted his glasses and his toes. “I have no problem with that,” he said, referring to his rather hidden, but never far from the surface, sadistic streak. “Although Sanada-kun would no doubt save everyone.”
That is what he does best, Seiichi thought with a fond smile.