(no subject)
i am amazed that they don't delete these things after a certain amount of time.
let's just pick back up, like we never left off.
noticed something, recently. and i tend to get these little one/two line sayings, in my head, whenever i do have little realizations. i was saying it to myself all day, thinking of my current situation, of not really having anyone i spend time with. "i don't make friends, they make me." and i've always thought something along those lines. i always thought my personality wasn't me but more of an amalgamation of people that i have known. kind of like that girl you know, the really nice one, who always just so slightly changes who she is, for the guy that she likes. and i stopped writing a few hours ago to go to target and have lost my train of thought. the short is just the entire time i've been, in dfw, i've made no new friends and am growing further from old. even having one of my oldest friends as my roommate doesn't do anything to hold off how disconnected i feel. and with him planning on going into the army i'm actually giving thought to moving back to abilene.
work is fucking shit. it's nice to not have much responsibility but that nixes my checks. i have all this free time and i do nothing to find a new job. i was looking at schools, for auto tech and computer forensics, but started second guessing what i really want to do. i'm quickly approaching thirty and i've done nothing. accomplished nothing. the only real thing i've managed to accomplished with my life actually involves doing nothing. i'm not worried about getting old, i'm worried about getting serious. when i'll start to take life seriously. i was never pushed to strive, for anything, so i've just got this attitude of continuing to do whatever it is that i'm doing.
easiest thing to say is that i just need a kick, in the ass. how do you motivate yourself to do better, for yourself, when you've never really cared about yourself?
let's just pick back up, like we never left off.
noticed something, recently. and i tend to get these little one/two line sayings, in my head, whenever i do have little realizations. i was saying it to myself all day, thinking of my current situation, of not really having anyone i spend time with. "i don't make friends, they make me." and i've always thought something along those lines. i always thought my personality wasn't me but more of an amalgamation of people that i have known. kind of like that girl you know, the really nice one, who always just so slightly changes who she is, for the guy that she likes. and i stopped writing a few hours ago to go to target and have lost my train of thought. the short is just the entire time i've been, in dfw, i've made no new friends and am growing further from old. even having one of my oldest friends as my roommate doesn't do anything to hold off how disconnected i feel. and with him planning on going into the army i'm actually giving thought to moving back to abilene.
work is fucking shit. it's nice to not have much responsibility but that nixes my checks. i have all this free time and i do nothing to find a new job. i was looking at schools, for auto tech and computer forensics, but started second guessing what i really want to do. i'm quickly approaching thirty and i've done nothing. accomplished nothing. the only real thing i've managed to accomplished with my life actually involves doing nothing. i'm not worried about getting old, i'm worried about getting serious. when i'll start to take life seriously. i was never pushed to strive, for anything, so i've just got this attitude of continuing to do whatever it is that i'm doing.
easiest thing to say is that i just need a kick, in the ass. how do you motivate yourself to do better, for yourself, when you've never really cared about yourself?