(no subject)
not doing so well lately, mentally... hanging out with my old friend, and it's crazy, we haven't really even spoken for almost half a year, and now it's like we hadn't separated atall :) it's awesome, i love having a friend whom you have so much in common. we used to be in kick boxing together, but quit when we stopped hangin out, now we're goin for walks every day. she loves working out, but says it's kind of boring when you're doing it alone so that's an effin bonus!:)!:) now i got a buddy to jog/cardio/whatever with. gunna be awesome.
but
having doubts about my 'boyfriend'. not talkin to me much lately, we've both been busy, but still. gave me a chance to think things over, and i'm not even sure i should be in a relationship right now. we're both going throught similar things, but his problems are waaaay more serious, mental illness:(. i've been going in and out of depression for years now, but lately it's more deep set. nothings fun anymore, at least before i could have fun doing shit with my friends, but now nothing interests me. i used to have a blast with my friend, and now it's just so so. never went to a doctor or anything for help, but i htink i should, i'm just way to scared. if he prescribes me anti depressants(iffy about them) my mom probably won't pay for them. she thinks everything can be solved without meds, but if it's a chemical imbalance you can't just wait for it to go away eh. i know it's some kind of imbalance. i started getting depressed when i was 10 or 11, i'd shut myself out from almost everything, having one or 2 friends i would hang out with when i was extremely bored, but it was just to pass time. i'd shut myself away in my room for days(starting grade 5). i was so miserable. now i stay in my house for sometimes over a week without stepping foot outside :( not showing up for school(easy to not go to my school, you only have to go twice a week for a minimum of an hour a day, but it's really easy to get out of it). i honestly don't know what to do.
i've tried to find things that would elevate my mood but i can't. nothing shifts my moods.
i don't think it's good for me to be inflicting this upon my guy, because he's on anti depressants and quite a few other medications. i want to be there for him but how can i be when i'm not all there(if that makes sense).
i hate this.
:S
but
having doubts about my 'boyfriend'. not talkin to me much lately, we've both been busy, but still. gave me a chance to think things over, and i'm not even sure i should be in a relationship right now. we're both going throught similar things, but his problems are waaaay more serious, mental illness:(. i've been going in and out of depression for years now, but lately it's more deep set. nothings fun anymore, at least before i could have fun doing shit with my friends, but now nothing interests me. i used to have a blast with my friend, and now it's just so so. never went to a doctor or anything for help, but i htink i should, i'm just way to scared. if he prescribes me anti depressants(iffy about them) my mom probably won't pay for them. she thinks everything can be solved without meds, but if it's a chemical imbalance you can't just wait for it to go away eh. i know it's some kind of imbalance. i started getting depressed when i was 10 or 11, i'd shut myself out from almost everything, having one or 2 friends i would hang out with when i was extremely bored, but it was just to pass time. i'd shut myself away in my room for days(starting grade 5). i was so miserable. now i stay in my house for sometimes over a week without stepping foot outside :( not showing up for school(easy to not go to my school, you only have to go twice a week for a minimum of an hour a day, but it's really easy to get out of it). i honestly don't know what to do.
i've tried to find things that would elevate my mood but i can't. nothing shifts my moods.
i don't think it's good for me to be inflicting this upon my guy, because he's on anti depressants and quite a few other medications. i want to be there for him but how can i be when i'm not all there(if that makes sense).
i hate this.
:S