Trauma and memory.
Over the past couple of days I’ve been thinking about traumatic events and how we ‘Get over’ them. The fact that we reach a point where their importance becomes less significant in our lives and why.
To date, although all of the is probably blindingly obvious to most, it appears to be a function of memory. The more recent the event, the more real, the more the pain. However, after a couple of years, you can’t even remember what her face looks like, and start to wonder why you made such a fool of yourself when you broke up.
The ‘emotional’ importance we place on relationships seems to be proportionate to the amount of time we have been in the relationship. If you’ve spent the past 10 years sharing your life with another human being, almost all of the memories you have will include them, “they were always there”, is the cry.
From my own perspective, when my ‘significant emotional event’ happened 3 years ago, and I was left to my own devices, I noticed that all of my thoughts, everything I looked at, that my mind would almost automatically and without any effort on my part, bring up an association with that person. I wasn’t able to look at the paint on the wall, or the plant pot in the corner of the room without my mind almost screaming, “she chose that”, or “she picked that”. Every memory comprehensively infected with ‘her’ presence.
So, it follows that the old grey matter need to lay down other memories, without such associations, and the old memories need to fade a little before we can move on.
This rambling collection of thoughts has lead to the development of the ‘Aslan’ Principal. Which is, “It takes a month for each year of the relationship which has just ended, for you to be able to get over it”. A 20 year relationship will therefore take one year and eight months, before you can finally ‘move on’.
To date, although all of the is probably blindingly obvious to most, it appears to be a function of memory. The more recent the event, the more real, the more the pain. However, after a couple of years, you can’t even remember what her face looks like, and start to wonder why you made such a fool of yourself when you broke up.
The ‘emotional’ importance we place on relationships seems to be proportionate to the amount of time we have been in the relationship. If you’ve spent the past 10 years sharing your life with another human being, almost all of the memories you have will include them, “they were always there”, is the cry.
From my own perspective, when my ‘significant emotional event’ happened 3 years ago, and I was left to my own devices, I noticed that all of my thoughts, everything I looked at, that my mind would almost automatically and without any effort on my part, bring up an association with that person. I wasn’t able to look at the paint on the wall, or the plant pot in the corner of the room without my mind almost screaming, “she chose that”, or “she picked that”. Every memory comprehensively infected with ‘her’ presence.
So, it follows that the old grey matter need to lay down other memories, without such associations, and the old memories need to fade a little before we can move on.
This rambling collection of thoughts has lead to the development of the ‘Aslan’ Principal. Which is, “It takes a month for each year of the relationship which has just ended, for you to be able to get over it”. A 20 year relationship will therefore take one year and eight months, before you can finally ‘move on’.