ffffffffffffffffffffff
I've pinpointed all of my problems to my lack of sleep.
I am irritable.
I am, for the most part, disinterested in everything.
And I am paranoid.
I try to compensate by organizing things - I organize my homework folder every few hours, but somehow, I never get around to actually doing the homework I'm organizing.
I guess I'm also compensating by making myself look good...because it's one thing to be ugly and grumpy, it's another to be pretty and grumpy. The former is just generally unpleasant, the latter says, "She's just having a bad day...judging by how she looks, her shit's usually together." That doesn't mean it's logical, though.
But on to some better things...well, these things aren't really THAT much better, but it's a step.
I've recently started accept things a lot more, to stop fighting against it. I've realized that my previous inability to grasp this concept of "just letting it go" was because I was fed by my own excuses, and drama I kept perpetuating gave me excuses.
I've accepted that if Mr. Davis has made up his mind about not liking me, there's nothing I can do about it, but also that I should try as hard as I do in that class not to impress him, but to impress and content myself.
I've accepted that if a guy doesn't say he likes you after a while, he doesn't like you. To quote He's Just Not That Into You (surprisingly good movie) - "if a guy likes you, he'll make it happen."
I've accepted that I'm not perfect, and that a lot of things in my near and distant future will require work.
I've accepted that Humans are just Humans, and aren't worth the time psychoanalyzing every single thing certain examples do or say.
I've accepted that staying at rehearsals later than is required with the hopes of a certain person at that late rehearsal talking to you is a waste of time, because they never talk to you when you want them to. Go home, he isn't worth your time if that time is better-spent elsewhere. And don't you dare go on Facebook the minute you get home to see if he updated or something.
And lastly, I've accepted that true best friends DO need breaks from eachother.
I need to update this more often, because I have a lot of thoughts throughout the day...I mean, I guess I always have, but it's become increasingly more overwhelming.
P.S. I'm reading To Kill a Mockingbird for English.
I realize that that sentence has been written/said by trillions of students across the planet.
And I have to say, I love the writing style. Basically I decide if I hate the writing style five pages into the novel. And 80% of the time, I do, because all I have time to read are the books that are assigned. (and really, I don't even have time to read those) Because my school has eliminated Honors English 9 & 10, we're reading below grade level now. And even if we do happen to get a somewhat complicated read, my teacher explains and dumbs down every single chapter, and we spend a week discussing the same passages, over and over.
When it all comes down to it...English is the most pointless class ever. For someone like me, at least. Because I freaking understand books. Taking pages of tedious and pointless notes on each tiny plotpoint of the book isn't teaching me anything. I ask myself and answer comprehension questions as I'm reading, IN MY HEAD. So can't I just like, fill a quota of 2 books a month and not have to take English ever again?
You know, I really honestly cannot think of one thing that I've learned in that class this year.
I think I'm seriously done...like I said, more later.
I am irritable.
I am, for the most part, disinterested in everything.
And I am paranoid.
I try to compensate by organizing things - I organize my homework folder every few hours, but somehow, I never get around to actually doing the homework I'm organizing.
I guess I'm also compensating by making myself look good...because it's one thing to be ugly and grumpy, it's another to be pretty and grumpy. The former is just generally unpleasant, the latter says, "She's just having a bad day...judging by how she looks, her shit's usually together." That doesn't mean it's logical, though.
But on to some better things...well, these things aren't really THAT much better, but it's a step.
I've recently started accept things a lot more, to stop fighting against it. I've realized that my previous inability to grasp this concept of "just letting it go" was because I was fed by my own excuses, and drama I kept perpetuating gave me excuses.
I've accepted that if Mr. Davis has made up his mind about not liking me, there's nothing I can do about it, but also that I should try as hard as I do in that class not to impress him, but to impress and content myself.
I've accepted that if a guy doesn't say he likes you after a while, he doesn't like you. To quote He's Just Not That Into You (surprisingly good movie) - "if a guy likes you, he'll make it happen."
I've accepted that I'm not perfect, and that a lot of things in my near and distant future will require work.
I've accepted that Humans are just Humans, and aren't worth the time psychoanalyzing every single thing certain examples do or say.
I've accepted that staying at rehearsals later than is required with the hopes of a certain person at that late rehearsal talking to you is a waste of time, because they never talk to you when you want them to. Go home, he isn't worth your time if that time is better-spent elsewhere. And don't you dare go on Facebook the minute you get home to see if he updated or something.
And lastly, I've accepted that true best friends DO need breaks from eachother.
I need to update this more often, because I have a lot of thoughts throughout the day...I mean, I guess I always have, but it's become increasingly more overwhelming.
P.S. I'm reading To Kill a Mockingbird for English.
I realize that that sentence has been written/said by trillions of students across the planet.
And I have to say, I love the writing style. Basically I decide if I hate the writing style five pages into the novel. And 80% of the time, I do, because all I have time to read are the books that are assigned. (and really, I don't even have time to read those) Because my school has eliminated Honors English 9 & 10, we're reading below grade level now. And even if we do happen to get a somewhat complicated read, my teacher explains and dumbs down every single chapter, and we spend a week discussing the same passages, over and over.
When it all comes down to it...English is the most pointless class ever. For someone like me, at least. Because I freaking understand books. Taking pages of tedious and pointless notes on each tiny plotpoint of the book isn't teaching me anything. I ask myself and answer comprehension questions as I'm reading, IN MY HEAD. So can't I just like, fill a quota of 2 books a month and not have to take English ever again?
You know, I really honestly cannot think of one thing that I've learned in that class this year.
I think I'm seriously done...like I said, more later.