Sometimes I just really hate being Chinese
There's so much conflict between what I want to think and what my mother wants to force upon me, as well as what I've been taught by various people. In this country, we are led to believe that we can become what we want as long as we work for it and -sometimes- love what it is that we do. Then there is also the belief parents hold that their children should immediately graduate from HS, go to college and then graduate with a masters degree or something that has to do with business. Asian children especially are pressured to become doctors and lawyers and even teachers. But I don't feel like I fit into any of this. My mother tells me all sorts of stories about her coworkers' children who are sucessful. Typical really. One daughter was pressured by her mom to become a doctor but eventually "of her own accord" she wanted to help people and got a medical degree and "sucessfully became a nurse" or something like that. I have no such interest in medical science and such...I can see from her POV why she thinks in a more I guess, American Dream-like way. Rise to the top and be financially stable.
This summer I, as a part of SYEP, am being paid to learn the art of Chinese tea ceremony. For the past not even half week, I've been lectured so much about the unfairness of how restaurants serve their tea and all sorts of CHINESE PRIDE type things. And basically by the end of our lessons, we perform tea ceremony for various events wearing qipao. I TOTALLY dig wearing the qipao and I really enjoy learning tea ceremony, not to mention the amount of respect I hold for my boss, Mr. Liu; the Tea Society of America is completely non-profit and everything from the tea he serves us and people at events to the article he writes about tea in one of NY's chinese newspapers comes out of his own pocket. He truly enjoys what he does as well. So now that I view so highly of him, my mom sits me down at home to lecture me and clearly says, It's fine with me that you're doing this now, but I don't want you to do this for a living. You have to be a big boss or a successful businesswoman. Through MY experience, I've seen it all and you're probably going to be serving at karaoke bars and such.
drown me
When I finally take the time to do something that I like for the summer (AND still volunteer for my 4th summer at my preschool) I'm told that it makes for a bad future. Well fuck it. FUCK IT ALL. Shouldn't she be happy for me at least that I'm doing something worthwhile and CHINESE for once? Hell, I stopped going to Chinese school years ago. I'm not even taking chinese classes at school at the moment and I listen to the bare minimum of Chinese music that a Chinese-American child would be exposed to from a modern standpoint. I'm pretty fucking wapanese aren't I now? So now that I am participating in something truely Chinese that doesn't harm me in any visible way, must she still view it so negatively? So it's not definite that I want this as a part of my future career choice, but for her to want to erase the possibility aggravates me so.
I have so many opinions coming from every which direction, so where does my own opinion come in?
I'm writing this half awake at the moment so my thoughts are screwy towards the end of this. I'll edit the rest tomorrow perhaps
This summer I, as a part of SYEP, am being paid to learn the art of Chinese tea ceremony. For the past not even half week, I've been lectured so much about the unfairness of how restaurants serve their tea and all sorts of CHINESE PRIDE type things. And basically by the end of our lessons, we perform tea ceremony for various events wearing qipao. I TOTALLY dig wearing the qipao and I really enjoy learning tea ceremony, not to mention the amount of respect I hold for my boss, Mr. Liu; the Tea Society of America is completely non-profit and everything from the tea he serves us and people at events to the article he writes about tea in one of NY's chinese newspapers comes out of his own pocket. He truly enjoys what he does as well. So now that I view so highly of him, my mom sits me down at home to lecture me and clearly says, It's fine with me that you're doing this now, but I don't want you to do this for a living. You have to be a big boss or a successful businesswoman. Through MY experience, I've seen it all and you're probably going to be serving at karaoke bars and such.
drown me
When I finally take the time to do something that I like for the summer (AND still volunteer for my 4th summer at my preschool) I'm told that it makes for a bad future. Well fuck it. FUCK IT ALL. Shouldn't she be happy for me at least that I'm doing something worthwhile and CHINESE for once? Hell, I stopped going to Chinese school years ago. I'm not even taking chinese classes at school at the moment and I listen to the bare minimum of Chinese music that a Chinese-American child would be exposed to from a modern standpoint. I'm pretty fucking wapanese aren't I now? So now that I am participating in something truely Chinese that doesn't harm me in any visible way, must she still view it so negatively? So it's not definite that I want this as a part of my future career choice, but for her to want to erase the possibility aggravates me so.
I have so many opinions coming from every which direction, so where does my own opinion come in?
I'm writing this half awake at the moment so my thoughts are screwy towards the end of this. I'll edit the rest tomorrow perhaps