Me and Achmed the Egyption Scribe
When I'm not secretly looking at pornography or creepily
staring at the surprisingly high amount of hot girls that come in, I spend most
of my time 'working' at the computer labs by taking online tests. So, after I briefly explained to 14 people
that the lab is, in fact, out of staples, and that I know of no (legal) way of
obtaining more, I headed to the oasis of internet testing: tickle.com. If you have not been to tickle.com, you must,
as it is quite possibly the best (and I don't use that word lightly) website on
God's green Earth. And, lucky for you, I
brought along a Egyptian scribe to chronicle my (mis?)adventures at this very
wonderful place. His account is as
follows:
"Man, Computer, Small Ruffled Disk, Big Eye Staring at Sun." Translation: "1620 Hours: Master Bento logs onto site. Begins taking test designed to uncover 'which Lays potato chip he is'. Result - inconclusive. More testing is required. Emergency response team dispatched."
"Woman, Cane, Large Hat, Black Power Symbol, Tainted Orb." Translation: "1640 Hours: 'Golden Girl Test' Taken. Result - bears striking resemblance (both physically and psychologically) to Dorothy. Test began to reveal if he is 'secretly a Texan'. Progress stalls as he cannot find a non-profane adjective to describe the state. The horrid unmistakable smell of burnt Lays potato chips begins to permeate the room. The power is shut off.”
“Snowflake, Man in Coat, Syringe, Blazing Flame, Cotton Candy.” Translation: “1700 Hours: Captain's Log: So very cold. I’ve been locked in here for what seems like days. I told Achmed not to throw that skull down the well. Stupid Achmed. Stupid, stupid, Achmed. It’s getting dark now… Having... difficulty... constructing... sentences... that.. do not... begin... with... the words... ‘Captain’s Log’. Captain’s log: Achmed is being a jackass. Captain’s log: shut the fuck up Achmed. Captain’s log, Captain’s log, Captain’s log…. Captain’s log……… Captain’s log……….”
"Man, Computer, Small Ruffled Disk, Big Eye Staring at Sun." Translation: "1620 Hours: Master Bento logs onto site. Begins taking test designed to uncover 'which Lays potato chip he is'. Result - inconclusive. More testing is required. Emergency response team dispatched."
"Woman, Cane, Large Hat, Black Power Symbol, Tainted Orb." Translation: "1640 Hours: 'Golden Girl Test' Taken. Result - bears striking resemblance (both physically and psychologically) to Dorothy. Test began to reveal if he is 'secretly a Texan'. Progress stalls as he cannot find a non-profane adjective to describe the state. The horrid unmistakable smell of burnt Lays potato chips begins to permeate the room. The power is shut off.”
“Snowflake, Man in Coat, Syringe, Blazing Flame, Cotton Candy.” Translation: “1700 Hours: Captain's Log: So very cold. I’ve been locked in here for what seems like days. I told Achmed not to throw that skull down the well. Stupid Achmed. Stupid, stupid, Achmed. It’s getting dark now… Having... difficulty... constructing... sentences... that.. do not... begin... with... the words... ‘Captain’s Log’. Captain’s log: Achmed is being a jackass. Captain’s log: shut the fuck up Achmed. Captain’s log, Captain’s log, Captain’s log…. Captain’s log……… Captain’s log……….”