idon'tneedtoexplainmyself, just show you that it's possible to hurt and be happy
depite all my depression, friend drama, school failures, hospitalizations, diagnosis, breakdowns, fights, alcoholism, brushes with the law, self-doubt, blind love, and more or less losing all "important" people within the last 6-8 months, i am so happy with my life right now
my friend stephanie helped put everything into perspective for me last saturday when she came over. basically, her current fiance told her he wasn't sure he was in love with her. to add insult to injury, after he told her this, they were forced to endure their 60 some odd relatives at their wedding shower. needless to say, she was devastated. when they returned from maine, they mutually decided to have some time apart for a while before the wedding.
she told us this on our back deck as she tried to hold the tears back. instead of falling apart and asking us what to do, she said the most refreshingly unexpected thing (in my words, obvi):
"what i've realized is that it doesn't matter if i am not with adam, because i know i am have my friends and you guys to take care of me. i know i will be fine if the wedding is cancelled, and that's what makes it ok. i love him so much, but i know that if it's destined to happen it will. all i know is that losing adam would be the most hurtful thing, but i've learned how to be both unbelievably happy with him or without him, and uncontrollably miserable, with or without him. and knowing i can make it through both extremes makes me unafraid of losing him, because i know happiness is always around the corner."
it just put everything in my life into perspective. and that is how i've been living my life...from one extreme to the next. one day being swept off my feet, the next i'm knocked flat on my face. but i've learned to love those ups and downs, because they're making up my insides, and making me stronger.
i hope you read this, because i loved you all at some point, even if we don't talk at all now now. and maybe it put something into perspective for your life and your downs.
--Audrey
my friend stephanie helped put everything into perspective for me last saturday when she came over. basically, her current fiance told her he wasn't sure he was in love with her. to add insult to injury, after he told her this, they were forced to endure their 60 some odd relatives at their wedding shower. needless to say, she was devastated. when they returned from maine, they mutually decided to have some time apart for a while before the wedding.
she told us this on our back deck as she tried to hold the tears back. instead of falling apart and asking us what to do, she said the most refreshingly unexpected thing (in my words, obvi):
"what i've realized is that it doesn't matter if i am not with adam, because i know i am have my friends and you guys to take care of me. i know i will be fine if the wedding is cancelled, and that's what makes it ok. i love him so much, but i know that if it's destined to happen it will. all i know is that losing adam would be the most hurtful thing, but i've learned how to be both unbelievably happy with him or without him, and uncontrollably miserable, with or without him. and knowing i can make it through both extremes makes me unafraid of losing him, because i know happiness is always around the corner."
it just put everything in my life into perspective. and that is how i've been living my life...from one extreme to the next. one day being swept off my feet, the next i'm knocked flat on my face. but i've learned to love those ups and downs, because they're making up my insides, and making me stronger.
i hope you read this, because i loved you all at some point, even if we don't talk at all now now. and maybe it put something into perspective for your life and your downs.
--Audrey