(no subject)
and im beating my wrists into my temple and hoping for friday so badly to erase the rest of the week and come now.
am i on the verge of something greater? or is my mind just tricking me into thinking life is more than this. it is so simple what i want. it is so simple what i want.
i want to talk on the phone with you and have time to say goodbye. i want an afternoon to talk to him without doing that. i want a week without grades, without tutoring troubled SOL kids, without watching everyone play monopoly while i silently get a D in math again, without worrying about how digestive systems apply to chutes and ladders, and without having to turn my favorite book into a movie. i want to be done with work. i've gotten in the habit of prioritizing the pool before anything school-related. that will only fly on wednesday when all the work of my high school career will be over. but even then, no matter how many times my mom emails my math teacher, and gets my uncle to drop everything to help me study for my final, it still won't be enough because i still will not know if getting a D can keep me from getting the diploma. then part of me wonders
why do i even care at this point? can wm reject me this late in the game for ONE standard level math class? does that determine my future?
maybe that all isn't simple. maybe i should stop "not drinking", and just let go. go ahead, have a beer, and chill with my uncle's german friends with MD's coming over for a bbq.
BUT OF COURSE, only after i've finished my bio final project, my english final project, and my 1 page history final (why does that freak me out.)
bitch bitch bitch. highschool will be over in less than a week and i will be looking back on this with a jay in my hand thinking, "how naive i was then".
ha.
in other news (that just happened) i just saw the following scribbled in my mom's handwriting on my discussion questions for english:
"Who lives in a pinapple under the sea?
Spongebob squarepants!"
(rest of song)
HAHAB my mom is insane.
am i on the verge of something greater? or is my mind just tricking me into thinking life is more than this. it is so simple what i want. it is so simple what i want.
i want to talk on the phone with you and have time to say goodbye. i want an afternoon to talk to him without doing that. i want a week without grades, without tutoring troubled SOL kids, without watching everyone play monopoly while i silently get a D in math again, without worrying about how digestive systems apply to chutes and ladders, and without having to turn my favorite book into a movie. i want to be done with work. i've gotten in the habit of prioritizing the pool before anything school-related. that will only fly on wednesday when all the work of my high school career will be over. but even then, no matter how many times my mom emails my math teacher, and gets my uncle to drop everything to help me study for my final, it still won't be enough because i still will not know if getting a D can keep me from getting the diploma. then part of me wonders
why do i even care at this point? can wm reject me this late in the game for ONE standard level math class? does that determine my future?
maybe that all isn't simple. maybe i should stop "not drinking", and just let go. go ahead, have a beer, and chill with my uncle's german friends with MD's coming over for a bbq.
BUT OF COURSE, only after i've finished my bio final project, my english final project, and my 1 page history final (why does that freak me out.)
bitch bitch bitch. highschool will be over in less than a week and i will be looking back on this with a jay in my hand thinking, "how naive i was then".
ha.
in other news (that just happened) i just saw the following scribbled in my mom's handwriting on my discussion questions for english:
"Who lives in a pinapple under the sea?
Spongebob squarepants!"
(rest of song)
HAHAB my mom is insane.