Tears
flower crying by ~Mastowka on deviantART
Why do we cry? Why does the release of moisture from our tear glands indicate emotion? Why is it considered unmanly, and why is it so satisfying?
Wikipedia, humoursly enough, defines crying as "a complex secretomotor phenomenon characterized by the shedding of tears from the lacrimal apparatus, without any irritation of the ocular structures" (Okay, I guess that wasn’t THAT funny… ) - more interestingly, under “Function”, Ol’ Reliable says that crying relieves stress and releases toxins from the body, and that crying triggers our empathy function.
That explains why we never enjoy seeing other people cry, why we usually want them to stop crying immediately. It represents the exposure of the person’s soul (well..you know what I mean. true feelings, core etc). A relinquishment of functionality, the return to a childlike state.
The evolutionary section I found more interesting, it said that, as tears have the effect of blurring our vision, rendering us vulnerable and half blind, it is a “reliable signal of appeasement, need or attachment”. I guess hugging and embracing just isn’t powerful enough to convey that true submission.
I’ll just go ahead and admit that I’m not the stoic figure of manliness that traditional males are supposed to be. I’m still ambivalent about the notion of the man as a rock, an unfeeling beast of burden. Perhaps it is not a matter of not HAVING emotions, but not expressing them. It seems especially relevant given that crying is an evolutionary admittance of submission/weakness.
Why is crying cathartic and satisfying? Tears are shed to express sorrow, joy, empathy/sympathy and other states of emotion (maybe hunger?); it is not exclusively used for situations of weakness or frustration, but it usually has the effect of releasing hormones that make us feel better. Although it’s in dispute as to the source of the pleasant feeling, much like shoulder rubs, if it makes you feel good, usually it doesn’t matter if it is actually curing a problem (as long as it’s not causing one).
So I guess the answer is that it’s satisying because it’s cathartic. It represents expression of emotion, just like laughing, but for a different degree of feeling. There is no stigma in laughing, but there is in crying. Perhaps it depends on the kind of crying you’re doing. If you’re bawling and moaning, which are also just visceral expressions of emotion, then you’ve abandoned all hope of accomplishing anything through action.
Perhaps that’s where the stigma is, no one wants to return to the hungry child state, demanding attention, requiring dotingon; Man is supposed to be an island, or at least a rock. It’s about the reason why you’re crying, the way you’re crying, and whether it is socially acceptable for you to do so.
On the topic of manliness, I’ll saying nothing more than to direct you to this here blog - http://artofmanliness.com/2008/06/19/when-is-it-okay-for-a-man-to-cry/; that list of when crying is acceptable includes:
- - At the altar
- - When your beloved car/truck gets totaled
- - A particularly “spiritual” experience (You read whatever you want into that. ;P )
- - While watching - Rudy, Braveheart, Gladiator (I would add The Bucket List and Warrior)
And situations where it’s unacceptable for dudes to cry are:
- - When your favourite sports team loses
- - When you don’t get your way
- - To the point of irrational thinking
- - And I would include - when making bowel movements. I don’t care how much curry you had. Man up.
Do not Cry by *kavsikuzah on deviantART << A montage of crying faces.
That’s all for now. Crying! Now coming to an awkward situation near you. May your tears be genuine and appropriate.