thinkin about stuff...
last nite i was watching lifetime at 1 in the morning bc i couldnt get to sleep..and it got me thinking about things in my life.Like how I am 17 now and i just celebrated my last christmas and my last years as a child and that next year at this time i will be 18 and not no kid no more..I got scared knowing that this year is my last year of being a kid.Last year of everything for being a kid.I gone through 17 years of not knowing my fahter.Not knowing what he is like,going through everyday of my life so far and not having him by my side and everything.Its scary for me.I want to grow up and by my own person but then I dont want to growp up and be an adult.I want to be a little kid.When you are a lil kid it is like everything is going to be okie bc you know everything is going to be okie.You have people that are there to help you.Once you turn 18 it is like everythign is gone and you have to be on your own and do everything your parents did for you on your own.I also notice that in 2003 i did alot of growing up and being me.I lost alot of friends and I gain alot of friends.Also I learn who my true friends are.I learned that you cant take anything for granted because one day it might be gone.You cant always count on that someone will always be there because sometimes in a blink of an eye someone you know can die.In 2003 i had couple of friends that lost one of their close friends.If you went to overlea you lost a person that you heard of or friends with.One of my friends,Stephanie Horsemen lost her best friend,Ashley Bobovsky. One of my best friends, Katie Mccean lost her friend Mike Mount.All of us did alot of grwoing up and trying to find our self.All of us had asked the question "Why,God,why.Why did this happend to me.Why did you take them away from us." We dont know why God do these things.But we know sometimes things helps us to grow up and be the person we want to be.I still asked that question to God.I asked why he did these things that had happen to us.But I duno know.I know that when something good or bad had happen to us we grow up a lil bit.We all go through bad things and good things in life.
When I was lil i lost alot of family.And when i gotten older i sorta lost some trust in God.I knew when i was lil that God taken people that was my family away from me and I didnt like.I wanted them to come back but they couldnt.But this year I started thinking why God did take people away from us.Why does he put us through the pain of losing someone.And I came to think is that In order for us to grow and be the person we want to be,we have to go through things that we dont want to but these things sometimes can be bad and sometimes can be good.
I duno know.I know this mght not had mad sense to any of yous but I dont care.I just hope that 2004 is going to be a lil bit better.But I know something that I will never regret is meeting ED again at the mall and telling him that I like him.So still going strong 8 months later i still go out wit ED and I love this boy with all my heart and soul.And I never know that 3 little words could mean soo much.. "I LOVE YOU"....
im out..let me know that you think..kbye!!
.::katie loves ed forever!!!::.