(no subject)
If good things happen to good people, i must not be as good a person as i thought i was once. For the past two days ive been here basically alone,(except for Jango),and preston's 20 minute visit.No car ither. I was just downstairs, drinking apple juice and finishing off the last of the pecan pie, when i started thinking about this past year. How i had imagined it would be last year at this time, and the turn of events that took place.
Right now, it feels like everyone around me has what i want in life right now. Even those i might call "asshole" and mean it. I feel like im being left behind in a lot of ways. But it also feels like my chance is still there. Like everyones gotten and eating their yummy piece of chocalte, while i still await mine. The question that I examine the most is this. Will I Ever Get That yummy piece of chocalate? and when? Because everyone wants what everybody else has. Well, atleast when its beter than what you got. And everybody wants more too. I think thats it. Im looking for more.I need to take more chances. And show that i care more than i do. I think i care about some people and they don't even know it.Its all about risk, and love, and living the way a preson needs too. Thigns shouldn't go unsaid, and be untruthful. I wantto be happy me again. Really happy, for real happy, happy Benji. Im out to find the mother fucker. I have to say how i feel to start. I know this is goofey rambling about me getting more chocolate to some of you, so fuck you, stop reading. Most of you that read this journal don't truely give a flying fuckasouris anyway. And thats fine. Because i don't give a fuck about alot of your shit ither. I think i read roughly five to ten of you people's journals shit anyway. Anyway, to continue.
I think ive changed alot over the past months. It feels like this entire year for me was a long prolonging change into the shitty spirited bastard you all see as Benji today. Somewhere i lost hope, and once my hope left me,I drifted away more from my friends. But im looking to change that. Hopefully for the better. I want to change who i am. I don't want to be alone anymore. or deprest.ITs a new year. oppurtunity awaits? right? I gotta make a phone call to South Dakota. We'll see who i call after that.
All i need are my true friends.
They'll decide who they are.
Begin_the_begin is dead.
this is my last post on Benji-Fett
my love to:
Joj
Meg
Preston
Mike
Ashley
you'll keep hearing from me.
happy new year
-"get to living, or get to dieing"-
Benji~
Right now, it feels like everyone around me has what i want in life right now. Even those i might call "asshole" and mean it. I feel like im being left behind in a lot of ways. But it also feels like my chance is still there. Like everyones gotten and eating their yummy piece of chocalte, while i still await mine. The question that I examine the most is this. Will I Ever Get That yummy piece of chocalate? and when? Because everyone wants what everybody else has. Well, atleast when its beter than what you got. And everybody wants more too. I think thats it. Im looking for more.I need to take more chances. And show that i care more than i do. I think i care about some people and they don't even know it.Its all about risk, and love, and living the way a preson needs too. Thigns shouldn't go unsaid, and be untruthful. I wantto be happy me again. Really happy, for real happy, happy Benji. Im out to find the mother fucker. I have to say how i feel to start. I know this is goofey rambling about me getting more chocolate to some of you, so fuck you, stop reading. Most of you that read this journal don't truely give a flying fuckasouris anyway. And thats fine. Because i don't give a fuck about alot of your shit ither. I think i read roughly five to ten of you people's journals shit anyway. Anyway, to continue.
I think ive changed alot over the past months. It feels like this entire year for me was a long prolonging change into the shitty spirited bastard you all see as Benji today. Somewhere i lost hope, and once my hope left me,I drifted away more from my friends. But im looking to change that. Hopefully for the better. I want to change who i am. I don't want to be alone anymore. or deprest.ITs a new year. oppurtunity awaits? right? I gotta make a phone call to South Dakota. We'll see who i call after that.
All i need are my true friends.
They'll decide who they are.
Begin_the_begin is dead.
this is my last post on Benji-Fett
my love to:
Joj
Meg
Preston
Mike
Ashley
you'll keep hearing from me.
happy new year
-"get to living, or get to dieing"-
Benji~