(Untitled)

[benjamin_carey]

This is for Karl so he'll calm down and stop worrying about me. If he'd checked my room he would have seen that I did make it back, but I was a wreck, so maybe I'm glad he didn't come in. I don't know. Last night gave me a lot of time to think, and I don't know if I'm ready to face what is staring me down right now

Comments

Re: Aren't we a pair?

[anonymous]

Ben, I'm so glad I came over from the_nut_house to read your lj. I told Karl you seemed a bit down, but I had no idea what you were going through. I'm sorry that you're lonely. Traveling a lot can do that to you - ask me, I know. But it seems like there is more to what you are dealing with than loneliness or confusion about what happened with Karl and Lee. Karl's right. "Gay" is just a label. What really happened was that Karl fell in love with Lee and I'd like to think, to believe, that that would have happened regardless of whether Lee was a male or female. It just seems to me that love is more complicated than gender. And maybe you reacted to Karl and Lee because you realized the power of what they share. And maybe you are "gay", but is that really what the problem is here?

Sometimes it's easier to point at things and say, "That's the problem" than to actually realize what the problem is and confront it. You talked in your earlier post about feeling empty and missing what you had with the band. You talked about missing the connection you had with your friends and feeling like you let them down. Maybe you're just floating - no goals, no concrete desires - and it's making you feel unhinged. It can certainly make you feel lonely, whether you are surrounded by people or not.

You said you envy your friends because they have someone. Because they knew what they wanted and went after it. So, what do you want?

Brooke