(no subject)
I could think about all the great things at this new school I'm at. but honestly, that's not the mood I am in. I'm hot, eaten by mosquiotes, and as scared and stressed as one could be. It's one of those moments, just gotten back from trying to get more things for teaching, when I just wish I was in an easier profession. Or at least I had already gone through the pain of the first year teacher blues. I'm not really ready to do this.
After 7 days o f teacher training, my brain is on information overload. My binders are stock full of information sheets to fill out and lesson plan ideas and other lesson plans we have to implement. There is so much paperwork and paper and information in my room and my brain. It's so overwheleming.
I can't keep track of it all. New policies, old procedures, everything is super important and must be reviewed. Fire drills, lock-downs and attendance all are stuffed right now in a file cabinet in my brain labeled "Hazelwood: To Learn." In like 5 days the students will return. Without any chance to be new, any chance to be scared, any chance to breath even, the rollar coaster starts. The uncontrollable feeling of not being able to show emotion until 2:30 - to not fail until 2:30 comes. I can't cry. I can't screw up. I have to be on at every second. I have to pretend that I'm not totally clueless and I have to be tough.
Everyone tells me I'll be fine. Some days I believe them more than others. I will probably will be FINE. After all, fine only requires me to say or lie that I'm okay. It only requires me to not pass out, get killed, or fired. Some people tell me I'll be great. Some days its welcome - I'm so glad so many people have faith in me. Some days I wonder if they just say that to comfort me. I dont think I'll be great. Generally new teachers suck.
I just can't think how I'm going to negoiate this. We have to turn in our handouts 3 days before hand which is REALLY hard to do - things change so quickly and things you thought you wanted to do - by that time are obsolute. I don't know how they expect u s to turn it in 3 days in advance. Tests, everything. And I'm already behind that schedule. I'm replacing a teacher, I know that alone is going to be hard. Breaking into the team system is another challenge -- being the odd woman out and the newbie.
There'ls a new homework system to deal with too which just adds more paperwork and stress to all of our lives.
Resources are slim, much has to be supplied by me. Clearly copies are scarce as usual. Guess I'll be using the overhead...once IO get an overhead screen. Maybe ill just use the white board.
I know it could be worse. I know that. But the frustration level already here doesn't make me very happy when people say that. What does that say about the state of our education system if it could be worse? Not much.
I just know that after all of the supper super hard work I'm going to put myself through this year for my kids - and all of the energy spent not dying or getting fired and all the tears that will be spilled -- I will pounce on anyone who a) makes fun of hazelwood and anyone in it in a degoratory way b) anyone who tells me they like NCLB or c) tries to tell me teaching is easy.
because after all, i know that i will want to quit this year. i will want to die instead of going to work. but knowing that i'm causing torture or happiness (whatever it is) in some kid's life and maybe teach them something -- that is what keeps me going.
and back to work i go.
After 7 days o f teacher training, my brain is on information overload. My binders are stock full of information sheets to fill out and lesson plan ideas and other lesson plans we have to implement. There is so much paperwork and paper and information in my room and my brain. It's so overwheleming.
I can't keep track of it all. New policies, old procedures, everything is super important and must be reviewed. Fire drills, lock-downs and attendance all are stuffed right now in a file cabinet in my brain labeled "Hazelwood: To Learn." In like 5 days the students will return. Without any chance to be new, any chance to be scared, any chance to breath even, the rollar coaster starts. The uncontrollable feeling of not being able to show emotion until 2:30 - to not fail until 2:30 comes. I can't cry. I can't screw up. I have to be on at every second. I have to pretend that I'm not totally clueless and I have to be tough.
Everyone tells me I'll be fine. Some days I believe them more than others. I will probably will be FINE. After all, fine only requires me to say or lie that I'm okay. It only requires me to not pass out, get killed, or fired. Some people tell me I'll be great. Some days its welcome - I'm so glad so many people have faith in me. Some days I wonder if they just say that to comfort me. I dont think I'll be great. Generally new teachers suck.
I just can't think how I'm going to negoiate this. We have to turn in our handouts 3 days before hand which is REALLY hard to do - things change so quickly and things you thought you wanted to do - by that time are obsolute. I don't know how they expect u s to turn it in 3 days in advance. Tests, everything. And I'm already behind that schedule. I'm replacing a teacher, I know that alone is going to be hard. Breaking into the team system is another challenge -- being the odd woman out and the newbie.
There'ls a new homework system to deal with too which just adds more paperwork and stress to all of our lives.
Resources are slim, much has to be supplied by me. Clearly copies are scarce as usual. Guess I'll be using the overhead...once IO get an overhead screen. Maybe ill just use the white board.
I know it could be worse. I know that. But the frustration level already here doesn't make me very happy when people say that. What does that say about the state of our education system if it could be worse? Not much.
I just know that after all of the supper super hard work I'm going to put myself through this year for my kids - and all of the energy spent not dying or getting fired and all the tears that will be spilled -- I will pounce on anyone who a) makes fun of hazelwood and anyone in it in a degoratory way b) anyone who tells me they like NCLB or c) tries to tell me teaching is easy.
because after all, i know that i will want to quit this year. i will want to die instead of going to work. but knowing that i'm causing torture or happiness (whatever it is) in some kid's life and maybe teach them something -- that is what keeps me going.
and back to work i go.