Jen skipped doing a sappy post. I had to pick up the slack.
I never used to believe that I would ever be capable of being a father. I grew up in what pretty much amounted to a single parent household. My own father had a lot of things he had to work out when I was younger. Because of this, he was gone more than he was around. He wasn't a bad parent. He was just an absent one. Our relationship now is fairly solid, but the relationship we had when I was growing up made me fear that I would never know how to actually be a father.
When Jen told me that she was pregnant, I spent a lot of time vascillating between fear and elation. Even though I spent so much of my life convincing myself that I would never be a very good dad, it didn't stop me from wanting to hear the proverbial pitter-patter. In the months leading up to Violet's birth, I spent a lot of time trying to make myself be a better person. But I still wasn't entirely convinced. Not until one year ago today, when the delivery room nurse handed me a squalling bundle that quieted the minute it was in my arms. I looked at her face and I was gone. You always hear people say that they instantly fall in love the first time they lay eyes on their child. And it's true. It's so fucking true.
It amazes me that it's been a year already, just as it amazes me that it's only been a year. It's all gone by so quickly, yet I feel as though I have never not had Violet in my life. I spent so long being unable to believe I could ever be a father, and now I can't imagine not being one.
Tomorrow afternoon Jen is going to cover every inch of my living room with purple balloons and streamers while our friends and family fill in any remaining space with more presents than a one year old will ever use. Actually, just the gifts that I've bought for her will probably be more than she'll ever use. And Christmas is in less than a month. Hm. Should I be worried that I'm spoiling her?
When Jen told me that she was pregnant, I spent a lot of time vascillating between fear and elation. Even though I spent so much of my life convincing myself that I would never be a very good dad, it didn't stop me from wanting to hear the proverbial pitter-patter. In the months leading up to Violet's birth, I spent a lot of time trying to make myself be a better person. But I still wasn't entirely convinced. Not until one year ago today, when the delivery room nurse handed me a squalling bundle that quieted the minute it was in my arms. I looked at her face and I was gone. You always hear people say that they instantly fall in love the first time they lay eyes on their child. And it's true. It's so fucking true.
It amazes me that it's been a year already, just as it amazes me that it's only been a year. It's all gone by so quickly, yet I feel as though I have never not had Violet in my life. I spent so long being unable to believe I could ever be a father, and now I can't imagine not being one.
Tomorrow afternoon Jen is going to cover every inch of my living room with purple balloons and streamers while our friends and family fill in any remaining space with more presents than a one year old will ever use. Actually, just the gifts that I've bought for her will probably be more than she'll ever use. And Christmas is in less than a month. Hm. Should I be worried that I'm spoiling her?