Back and Forth, Side to Side
Hey guess what? This is more of the same.
I miss Alex. I saw some stuff on his facebook and I'm just finding myself really jealous. He has these friends down in Florida that are replacing me. I know I shouldn't think like that, but it's how I feel. I see him having all this fun, and when we do send something, it's like, "I miss you. Love you. Talk to you soon." But he never does. I call him and he's got a reason he can't talk. And the one time we were supposed to really talk was July 4th and I couldn't be I was sick and had family over. So it's pissing me off that he keeps saying he'll call and that he misses me so much, but he can't really miss me that much...otherwise he'd call. Arg!
Also, I'm feeling like I'm in opposition world. It's horrible. I want to be in a relationship because I want to feel loved, but I don't want to be in a relationship either. I want to avoid that drama and I want to avoid the physical aspect of it. I just don't want to deal with the stress.
I'm content with my life, but I'm also depressed. It's weird and annoying. I feel like my heart is happy and content and full, but I also feel like I'm not actually feeling anything. It's odd. I'm frustrated with it and really want to do something, but I don't want to be sociable.
It's all very frustrating. I still haven't heard back from Doctor Anthonio. I guess that means she isn't being my mentor. I guess I'm a mess again. I guess I'm very lost and unsure and I just don't want to figure it out. I'm almost happy and okay with not having anything done, because I feel like an underachiever for once in my life.
I think I hate it.
This is awful. I hate feeling this way.
I miss Alex. I saw some stuff on his facebook and I'm just finding myself really jealous. He has these friends down in Florida that are replacing me. I know I shouldn't think like that, but it's how I feel. I see him having all this fun, and when we do send something, it's like, "I miss you. Love you. Talk to you soon." But he never does. I call him and he's got a reason he can't talk. And the one time we were supposed to really talk was July 4th and I couldn't be I was sick and had family over. So it's pissing me off that he keeps saying he'll call and that he misses me so much, but he can't really miss me that much...otherwise he'd call. Arg!
Also, I'm feeling like I'm in opposition world. It's horrible. I want to be in a relationship because I want to feel loved, but I don't want to be in a relationship either. I want to avoid that drama and I want to avoid the physical aspect of it. I just don't want to deal with the stress.
I'm content with my life, but I'm also depressed. It's weird and annoying. I feel like my heart is happy and content and full, but I also feel like I'm not actually feeling anything. It's odd. I'm frustrated with it and really want to do something, but I don't want to be sociable.
It's all very frustrating. I still haven't heard back from Doctor Anthonio. I guess that means she isn't being my mentor. I guess I'm a mess again. I guess I'm very lost and unsure and I just don't want to figure it out. I'm almost happy and okay with not having anything done, because I feel like an underachiever for once in my life.
I think I hate it.
This is awful. I hate feeling this way.