There's a difference in what you think and what you advertise.
While retracing the events of the day I thought to myself, "What I wouldn't do to find myself sitting comfortably in the cozy confines of a city bus." My thoughts barely being heard over the repetitive sounds pouring from my bag, yet walking down a sidewalk paved with portraits of decay and cancerous ends my mind wandered back to you and the infinite amount of uncertainties that have plagued me as of late. As the spring in my step forced me past what at the time seemed to be an endless amount of rest stations, I found myself looking back with each one (Although each time I may have looked back I had no intention of taking the easy way out). The sands of time seemed to slip away faster than a speeding bullet and the fear of not being able to come to a conclusion of what to do about certain situations kept me from boarding the bus. There were just too many things ricocheting throughout my head to reach my final destination in the blink of an eye. The backward glances ceased to exist as I watched the 44 S gunning down the road a few blocks away from the end of my trip. I found myself staring at the back of the bus, complete with a fluorescent billboard that read "have a good day." I figured I should keep that in mind.
Before I brought myself to see you I was found next door releasing the cold from my hands with the blistering heat that poured from the faucet. Surrounded by fire trucks and upside down helicopters I found myself staring into the mirror, reflecting on events that lacked my reflection. When leaving I watched, what appeared to be, happy families dragging their wide-eyed children to a land of wonders. Wonders, that like all good things won't suffice at some point in their life, a point that holds as many surprises as the new arrivals to shelf. The realization came to me as I left the store unfulfilled, apparently I had reached the point in my life where I wasn't able to be sent into a world of imagination accompanied by the bliss that comes from an animal packing a vicious kung fu grip.
With so many things pulling me further down it's amazing that a single person is able to light me up like a Christmas tree, and have me glowing the entire way home. The cold hadn't seemed to bother me until you cleared my mind of whatever ailments that had been tearing at me before laying eyes on you. With the weight lifted off of my shoulders for the time being I felt the punch that had sent chills down the spines of countless faces I had encountered during my walk. On the way home I was basking in the glow of the sun, that like Apollo you had returned to my skies, and the cold no longer bothered me.
Now I sit at home estimating how many worried looks followed up by inquisitions about my state of mind I will encounter tomorrow.
________________________________
I am really hoping that as I lay myself to rest this evening I won't find myself being teased by the dreams that play out like a classic movie which will never lose its touch. I admit to being pleased by your leaping embrace but when I can't be sure as to when the event will take place (or even if it will) again, it just adds to the stressometer. I miss our walks through the forest and our half coherent conversations that took place at a time you had more than likely never experienced. Sure, blowing off and pulling excuses out of myself for years at a time had to take its toll on you all. But I realized that I wish I had more time to spend with the whole lot of you. I realized that I have missed out on so much of your lives that I wish I had been a part of. Is it so hard for you to be able to take what I have to say now over what I said back then? Let's hope that this unsettling time will pass and we can be the family that I long to be.
________________________________
I miss a lot of things, you included. I really think I should get in the shower before it's too late. Sayonara livejournal.
Before I brought myself to see you I was found next door releasing the cold from my hands with the blistering heat that poured from the faucet. Surrounded by fire trucks and upside down helicopters I found myself staring into the mirror, reflecting on events that lacked my reflection. When leaving I watched, what appeared to be, happy families dragging their wide-eyed children to a land of wonders. Wonders, that like all good things won't suffice at some point in their life, a point that holds as many surprises as the new arrivals to shelf. The realization came to me as I left the store unfulfilled, apparently I had reached the point in my life where I wasn't able to be sent into a world of imagination accompanied by the bliss that comes from an animal packing a vicious kung fu grip.
With so many things pulling me further down it's amazing that a single person is able to light me up like a Christmas tree, and have me glowing the entire way home. The cold hadn't seemed to bother me until you cleared my mind of whatever ailments that had been tearing at me before laying eyes on you. With the weight lifted off of my shoulders for the time being I felt the punch that had sent chills down the spines of countless faces I had encountered during my walk. On the way home I was basking in the glow of the sun, that like Apollo you had returned to my skies, and the cold no longer bothered me.
Now I sit at home estimating how many worried looks followed up by inquisitions about my state of mind I will encounter tomorrow.
________________________________
I am really hoping that as I lay myself to rest this evening I won't find myself being teased by the dreams that play out like a classic movie which will never lose its touch. I admit to being pleased by your leaping embrace but when I can't be sure as to when the event will take place (or even if it will) again, it just adds to the stressometer. I miss our walks through the forest and our half coherent conversations that took place at a time you had more than likely never experienced. Sure, blowing off and pulling excuses out of myself for years at a time had to take its toll on you all. But I realized that I wish I had more time to spend with the whole lot of you. I realized that I have missed out on so much of your lives that I wish I had been a part of. Is it so hard for you to be able to take what I have to say now over what I said back then? Let's hope that this unsettling time will pass and we can be the family that I long to be.
________________________________
I miss a lot of things, you included. I really think I should get in the shower before it's too late. Sayonara livejournal.