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[benditlikebea]

The whole thing felt like life or death, and if she hadn't been so focused on it as of late, she would have realized it was anything but. But after her talk with Gwen, she felt like she was missing something. And it wasn't just because of Gwen, or Kevin. She'd always been one of those kids who had to do everything that everyone else was doing. If

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[goinghero]

Ben was clueless and wracked with worry as he headed to the football field. She was going to break up with him, wasn't she? What had he done?

He had no idea.

He had opted to fly to the field, and Big Chill's wings wrapped around him like a cape before he transformed back to Ben and his feet carried him towards Bea.

"Hiya."

[benditlikebea]

She'd felt him coming before she'd seen or heard him, which was something she was still getting used to. It seemed the more time they spent together, the more she felt his presence telepathically. She'd gotten very good at blocking out thoughts, but just sensing someone near by? She wasn't sure she'd ever be able to get rid of that.

The moment he was within reach, her arms went around his neck and her lips crashed into his, the kiss full of desperation and that overwhelming fear that she wasn't good enough for him.

When she finally pulled away, she wasn't quite gsping for air, but she needed a lot more than she had before the kiss.

"Hi,"

[goinghero]

Ben didn't mind that. Truthfully she didn't mind if she read his mind, as long as she told him before or after, but she seemed to mind so he let her be.

When she kissed him, Ben's body froze a moment before he returned the kiss, deep and as comforting as he could muster, confused and overwhelmed.

"Bea, baby, what's wrong?"

[benditlikebea]

She buried her face in his shoulder and just stood there for a second, her mind racing. Now that she was here, she didn't know what she really wanted to say.

"I... you know I love you, right?"

Perhaps not the best way to assuage Ben's fears, but it was the main thought that she knew she could vocalize without stammering like an idiot.

[goinghero]

Ben was not sure of what was going on at all. He knew Bea had been fine and excited about a movie night and now she was acting really weird. He held her close, unsure of what else to do and pet at her hair.

"Yes. Yes, of course I do." Ben promised, and he kissed her.

And then he bit his lip. "...But? There's a but, right? You love me, but?"

[benditlikebea]

She pulled back to look at him, a slight furrow in her brow, "No buts. Not even a little one.,"

She took a deep breath, trying to make her brain function, "I just... there's something I've been thinking about for a while. And everyone in the world keeps telling me I have to talk to you about it and it's really awkward and I don't think I know how to word it so that it won't be awkward," She was already fidgeting, her hands absentmindedly playing with his hair at the base of his neck.

[goinghero]

"Oh." Ben said, not quite relieved but settling down some.

"What's on your mind, Bea? I'm listening." He promised and he nuzzles her some, affectionately.

[benditlikebea]

Bea stared at him for what felt like forever, chewing her lower lip.

"Someone suggested that I go on birth control,"

And that was all that would come out. The minute the words came out of her mouth, she wished the earth would just open up and swallow her.

[goinghero]

"Oh." Ben said, and he didn't really comprehend that.

His brow wrinkled. Ben was a very smart young man, he was, but somethings just went right over his head. This was one of those things.

"Wait, why?"

[benditlikebea]

Her mouth opened and closed a few times as she tried to form a coherent sentence.

"I'm asking if I'm going to need it... like, you know... any time in the near future. Is that like, a possibility?" Her eyes were impossibly big and locked on his, looking for something that told her the answer, "I'm not saying I'm like, ready to do... you know... that, I just... want to be ready. In case,"

[goinghero]

Ben's eyes widened. Dinner plates would look meager in comparison to those huge green eyes. His mouth opened and closed a few times, reminiscent of a gold fish before he shut his mouth and bit his tongue.

"...I...I don't know? I....what? What brought this up?"

Confused Ben is Confused.

[benditlikebea]

"Um, well, JP originally... I think he just assumed we'd already...you know. And then Emma was talking about beinng responsible and how I had to talk to you about it and then with everything G..." She stopped herself short of the name, "... my friend and I talked about, about HER boyfriend, I just... It suddenly became the most important thing ever. Even though it's not. Does that make any sense?"

She doesn't blame him for being confused. She is just as confused and this was her idea to begin with.

"I mean... I get if you wouldn't want to. I just... wondered,"

[goinghero]

"...Uh-huh. And what are your friend and her boyfriend doing?"

Was he, like, drastically behind in things? Had he missed some memo? Ben was lost, and not entirely sure how to answer Bea.

"I didn't say that." Ben argued. "I'm a guy, of course I want. I just...more than I want, I want everything to be good. Not like, mind-blowing, fireworks and a parade, that's probably unreasonable, but...I mean, I want you not to regret it?"

[benditlikebea]

"Stuff. Just you know, not like having sex or anything. But just more than kissing,"

He wasn't. Bea was just drastically ahead of things.

"I dunno. Fireworks wouldn't be bad," she joked, the uneasiness that had built up in her chest relenting, even if only a little, "I mean, I don't know if I'm ready or not. I just... I wouldn't regret it, Ben. Not with you, okay?"

And she meant that. He was, after all, the only person she'd ever even remotely considered having sex with. Like, ever.

[goinghero]

"Oh." Ben said. What was more than kissing but less than sex? Did the bases still count? Did he want her to grab her ass or something? (It was a wonderful ass, he wouldn't mind grabbing it, he just was sure she'd kill him with her brain if he even considered it.)

"I want to have sex, eventually." Ben told her, awkwardly. He was glad it was dark, it hid his blush pretty well. "And when eventually comes, I want it to be with you. I've been very careful about what I do because I really respect you, and I don't want to push boundaries."

"I...um. So maybe, if you're thinking about it, too, we should buy some condoms and...stuff?"

He blushed furiously then and groaned. "...I mean...I dunno what I mean. You know?"

[benditlikebea]

She was sure her face had become some shade of neon pink and she buried her face in his chest. She'd had some pretty crazy ideas before, but she was pretty sure that flying to Bellwood to ask Ben if he was interested in sex was among the top three, if not an embarassing number one.

"Maybe we should," Her voice was quiet and muffled by his shirt, "And I mean... I can go to the doctor. God, this is so weird. I shouldn't have brought it up," She couldn't help the giggle that escaped her. The whole thing was just a mess, and all because she felt... what? Left out?

She lifted her head and grinned sheepishly, "You must think your girlfriend is a nutcase,"