(no subject)
right now would be the perfect time to just sleep.... or by sleep do I mean pass out..... or by pass out do I mean go into a coma? yes a coma would be nice, a device to stop time to put my life on pause..... that would be nice, yes nice! So how should I go, I mean would it always be selfish would it always hurt... everyone around me, so I pretend to be invisible but that doesn't go very far, so I think okay, it would be cool to just sort of shut my eyes while driving my car, but I don't really want to kill someone else... So now I'm just confused and I'm tired, and I feel alone. See it doesn't fucking matter if you have someone because lonliness will still chase and hound you. I'm trying to be positive right now, I swear I am, but all I can think of is that knife, and my hand, perhaps in a less obvious stomach covered by clothing thats stained ....with me. I feel so fat right now, I have gained maybe five pounds and want to shoot myself, I just want to go on living and forget about food forget about this absurdity of a notion I need food to survive, that I need...... what exactly? perhaps a bath tub, that would be quite nice, and when I sleep it will be warm..... at least for that night