ding dong
After having several conversations on the topic lately, I have realized.... who am I trying to kid? I watch TLC's Wedding Story AND For Better Or Worse, and I go to the DeBeer's website often. and I love it. But I never mention it to anyone because I feel shameful about it for some reason.
I am just DYING to get married one day, but I tell people that I can't see it happening. I have such a chip on my shoulder about it, and I am so terrified because I have never seen a marriage that worked in my life. I guess I think if I act like I never wanted it in the first place, if I never meet the right person all is not lost. Maybe it is precisely this reason that I have become so obsessed with the idea as of late.... or maybe because I am just ridiculously in love and enjoy fantasizing about being proposed to. But in reality, I can remember dreaming of getting engaged even when I was 15 and enthusiastically anti-marriage... or so I told myself. The truth is that I want to find that person who I love enough to spend the rest of my life soooooo fucking bad, that it actually scares me.
The first step is admitting it, right? I'm just a fucking girlie girl dreaming of her frilly white dress.
Shit.
I am just DYING to get married one day, but I tell people that I can't see it happening. I have such a chip on my shoulder about it, and I am so terrified because I have never seen a marriage that worked in my life. I guess I think if I act like I never wanted it in the first place, if I never meet the right person all is not lost. Maybe it is precisely this reason that I have become so obsessed with the idea as of late.... or maybe because I am just ridiculously in love and enjoy fantasizing about being proposed to. But in reality, I can remember dreaming of getting engaged even when I was 15 and enthusiastically anti-marriage... or so I told myself. The truth is that I want to find that person who I love enough to spend the rest of my life soooooo fucking bad, that it actually scares me.
The first step is admitting it, right? I'm just a fucking girlie girl dreaming of her frilly white dress.
Shit.