Please just stop*
so today was moderately exhausting. i woke up at ungoldly hours because my body is stupid, and then we had to go out early anyway to catch the twice-every-hour train to anywhere civilized, which in this case was the next town over where all the cool shit is. i went to my psych appointment, twitched and wrung my hands and sweated like a tense mofo. (and one of th things i really, really love about this psychologist is that never once has he said anything like, "why are you so tense" or "stop twitching", unlike my therapist in rome or my gp or the nurse i saw a few times before finally getting the psych bro. and it's like thank fuck finally.) god i hate going to those things.
basically today's conclusions boils down to 1) baby steps so i can 2) get a job so i can 3) leave my parents so i can 4) live my damn(ed) life. also on the side burner is the "let's work on all the things that you are insecure about that are stopping you from doing the thing.
and i had to explain what an introvert was, because the bro was conflating it with social awkwardness or insecurity or inadequacy and i was like, no, no, see, i'm fine with people. okay, i can be shy when presented with 2938 strangers with whom i need to interact with, but i'm not sitting there having a conversation with a stranger and thinking "oh god, oh god, what do i say, what are they going to do, what's happening, how do i act????" i just...get tired. of people. i'm not scared of people. i just like the quiet sometimes.
so that was fun.
and i was feeling even more anxious and bitchy and irritated than yesterday, and it didn't help that mom was taking mean stabs at me out of nowhere, so that made the morning even more fun. and by fun i mean sarcasm.
then we got home, had lunch and a copious amount of alcohol and i whiled away the evening on the internet, not doing anything substantial. and no, i haven't read anything today. (some of you - and you know who you are - will start off the old "shaaaaaaame" song and, well, keep singing, bro. i have no fucks today.)
speaking of fucks, it was somewhat amusing to have the psychologist ask me if i was okay talking about that aspect - y'know, the rrrrromance ay ay ayyyy - of my life to which i was like, "bring it". because again, no shits. or fucks. (hermits get no benefits.)
and then i watched the 100's lated episode which was somewhat mediocre.
also my hip hurts like a bitch sometimes. i've been trying to stretch enough to do the split, over in my pilates classes, and ahahaha ze joints, they no like.
in conclusion: i am a void husk.
ps: i forgot to say that in barcelona, we stopped by this aquarium shop, and they had fancy working tropical fish aquariums, one huge one with a piranha and other fancy river fish, and ye gods, it smelled tropical, and THE NOSTALGIA. they also had two clown fish in another one, and a tiny shark fishy with tiny shrimp in another one, and one with those tiny iridescent tropical fish. it was awesome. (no but the warm moist river smell of the tropics. we have to go back, kate!)
pps: josh helman has cancelled his instagram - word has it because fans were dissing his girlfriend, which for fuck's sake, fandom - and this makes me sad. he had cute cats. and made nice panoramics.
* Common expression
basically today's conclusions boils down to 1) baby steps so i can 2) get a job so i can 3) leave my parents so i can 4) live my damn(ed) life. also on the side burner is the "let's work on all the things that you are insecure about that are stopping you from doing the thing.
and i had to explain what an introvert was, because the bro was conflating it with social awkwardness or insecurity or inadequacy and i was like, no, no, see, i'm fine with people. okay, i can be shy when presented with 2938 strangers with whom i need to interact with, but i'm not sitting there having a conversation with a stranger and thinking "oh god, oh god, what do i say, what are they going to do, what's happening, how do i act????" i just...get tired. of people. i'm not scared of people. i just like the quiet sometimes.
so that was fun.
and i was feeling even more anxious and bitchy and irritated than yesterday, and it didn't help that mom was taking mean stabs at me out of nowhere, so that made the morning even more fun. and by fun i mean sarcasm.
then we got home, had lunch and a copious amount of alcohol and i whiled away the evening on the internet, not doing anything substantial. and no, i haven't read anything today. (some of you - and you know who you are - will start off the old "shaaaaaaame" song and, well, keep singing, bro. i have no fucks today.)
speaking of fucks, it was somewhat amusing to have the psychologist ask me if i was okay talking about that aspect - y'know, the rrrrromance ay ay ayyyy - of my life to which i was like, "bring it". because again, no shits. or fucks. (hermits get no benefits.)
and then i watched the 100's lated episode which was somewhat mediocre.
also my hip hurts like a bitch sometimes. i've been trying to stretch enough to do the split, over in my pilates classes, and ahahaha ze joints, they no like.
in conclusion: i am a void husk.
ps: i forgot to say that in barcelona, we stopped by this aquarium shop, and they had fancy working tropical fish aquariums, one huge one with a piranha and other fancy river fish, and ye gods, it smelled tropical, and THE NOSTALGIA. they also had two clown fish in another one, and a tiny shark fishy with tiny shrimp in another one, and one with those tiny iridescent tropical fish. it was awesome. (no but the warm moist river smell of the tropics. we have to go back, kate!)
pps: josh helman has cancelled his instagram - word has it because fans were dissing his girlfriend, which for fuck's sake, fandom - and this makes me sad. he had cute cats. and made nice panoramics.
* Common expression