Adding up the things you'll never be.*
Friday's Entry: So taking Friend V's advice, I started looking for things related to conservation, ecology and so forth in cities of interest. So far on the list: Berkshire, Oxford, Cambridge, Reading and Dublin (♥!). Not much came out of the initial search, but hey, hope springs and all that.
Saturday's Entry: On Thursday, Friend V had told me that Friend D was having some sort of get-together that day and that she'd see about my getting an invite and details. Friend V texted me about it, but I only saw it an hour later when Friend D called to invite but by then it was really short notice - of the sort of notice where you hang up, get dressed and skip down the road - so I said it was lovely of her but I'd made plans (which I had: free concert of baroque music).
I felt like a complete jerk after hanging up, though, because that sort of mixer is just what I need to meet people and make friends. On the other hand, it was short notice, and I'm the type that needs to mentally prepare for such daunting social events as parties with 90% strangers. I couldn't just say, "Hang it all, I'll be right over." I need time. Plus, there was the whole, "Me being terrified of the idea." Self-defeatism, how nice to see you again.
Also, I finally watched the Lost Finale! \o/
Monday's Entry: Where Saturday was summed up in my notes as "Social failure", Monday got the more general "University failure and work failure and failfailfail". This is because I looked into universities in Dublin, PhD programs and the like, then looked through some 300-odd job announcements, then just felt generally distressed and dispirited. Yays.
Today's Entry: I spent the whole morning translating a contract and a company's information sheet on said contract for ex-employer of Spain, whom I'm sort of helping out free-lance with the odd translation. Oh gods, did that break my poor litle brain.
Then this afternoon I got a call from Friend V's ex-coworker - the one who's in the recruiting agency - and we talked about what I'd done and would like to do and also about one possible option that will be more clear in a few weeks. So there were a couple litres of adrenaline running around my bloodstream for a while.
Dreams:
1) A large crowd - of which I am part - is sitting on the bleachers of a large arena, although it is very dark - feels like nighttime - and there's some smoke-machine effects going on.
I'm sitting next to a friend from elementary school (who in real life dropped me like it's hot twice in preference of making BFF-eyes at new-commers despite declaring undying BBF-isms at me) and I'm feeling wonderfully loving to her and loving the reuinion. In front of us is a large opening with a stage, and parades of people come out, performing all sorts of things centered around their own particular theme, like a carnaval.
Each group of performers is showing us their version of hell or heaven. We have to decide which it is - and we may be wrong - and then we have to choose which one we want for our own souls.
I end up in a vast park covered in snow and ice, with the pond frozen over and icicles on the bridge. It's very quiet and peaceful and I like it very much, even though I still don't know if it's heaven or hell and instead choose to think of it as something apart. I walk on the snow to reach a large wood cabin on the edge of a group of buildings.
2) I'm standing with an elementary teacher of mine - the one who got abrupty fired after losing his temper to a student who hated his guts but whom I quite liked. He holds me close in a tight hug, and I get the sense of love and longing and he asks if he can kiss me, which I agree to and which he does quite chastely.
Doctor Who Review, "Cold Blood"
- It's not Homo reptilia. They're not in the Homo genus. If they'd been Reptilia sapiens that would have made more sense. Y'all fail at science.
- The decontamination bit - "Death to all non-human cells!" - would have been very very bad even for a human. I like (and need) my little symbiotic bacteria, thank you very much. Y'all fail twice at science.
- Am I the only one disturbed by the possibility that the "Wee! Vivisection!" scientist had other children hooked up in suspended animation? (I mean, apart from the "Wee! Vivisection!" part, of course, which is already disturbing.) And that these children were left behind by the Doctor and co? And that there were probably also surviving Wee! Vivisection! humans trapped down there as well? Y'all fail at humanitarian rescues.
- I'm unsually not bothered by the rampant sexism and mysogeny some other fans seem to see in television shows, but this episode pissed me off. The grunts were are female, which I'll allow on that being logical if they're all of the same gene line (i.e. clones). But why did they have to be raving lunatic sociopaths intent on genocide? And the males all had to be logical and caring and "we can work it out, peace, yo"? Not to mention incredibly condescending to the females ("Run along and play soldiers") and completely undermine any authority they might have had, all "Everybody relax, the big male is here" and "You silly warrior you, how ridiculous of you to do your job,"? Y'all fail at balanced gender representations.
- Roooooory! D:
Doctor Who Review, "Vincent and the Doctor":
- Beautiful shots!
- Poor wee space chicken!
- Bill Nighy! With a bow-tie!
- It's /van goh/, you mispronouncing van goth-ing people! Think Bach! Lookit!
- Go on, break my heart with the depression references and lines.
The Doctor: My experience is that there is... y'know... surprisingly, always hope.
Vincent: *rages* Then your experience is incomplete!
Vincent: We have fought monsters together and we have won. On my own I fear I may not do as well.
The Doctor: The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant.
- Go on, break my heart further with the ending. I wish everyone got to see that yes, they do matter and people appreciate their work. Alas, we cannot all be as lucky as Vincent van Gogh and Charles Dickens were with the Doctor.
Meme - 30 Days - Day 28 → This year, in great detail: Screw details! That's why I post entries!
January: New Years holidays spent in Rome with parents and brother, then zoom zoom to the Netherlands. Job hunt. Graduation. Wee bit of the blues.
February: Job hunt. Trip to Spain.
March: Ski trip. Trip to Rome for Easter. Massive blow-out anger issues.
April: Room showings. Furniture, book and bike advertising. Cursing of Iclandic volcanoes. Packing and throwing-away of. Freakouts. Permanent trip to Rome.
May: Italian class (i.e. academic frustration and socializing). Extreme maddness. Trip to Spain.
June: Job hunt.
That's 8 plane rides and 1 long-ass bus ride, for those of you keeping track at home.
Previously:
Day 01 → Your favorite song
Day 02 → Your favorite movie
Day 03 → Your favorite television program
Day 04 → Your favorite book
Day 05 → Your favorite quote
Day 06 → Whatever tickles your fancy - GIFs
Day 07 → A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 → A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 → A photo you took
Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 → A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 → Whatever tickles your fancy - Nature is awesome!
Day 13 → A fictional book
Day 14 → A non-fictional book
Day 15 → A fanfic
Day 16 → A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 → An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 → Whatever tickles your fancy - My irrational fears, let me show you them.
Day 19 → A talent of yours
Day 20 → A hobby of yours
Day 21 → A recipe
Day 22 → A website
Day 23 → A YouTube video
Day 24 → Whatever tickles your fancy - My view on religion, in crack metaphor form.
Day 25 → Your day, in great detail
Day 26 → Your week, in great detail
Day 27 → This month, in great detail
Coming Soon
Day 29 → Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Quotes of the Day: living_by_luck, re: Lost finale
Someone, somewhere said:
If you watched it for the characters, you loved [the finale]. If you watched it for the mythology and the simple unanswered questions, you felt like you got conned.
Anon and chaosvizier
If anyone pisses me, I'll curse them with a long and horrible murder by an 'Extremely Inefficient Weapon'." - ANONYMOUS
("Why a spoon, cousin?" - "Because it will HURT MORE!" -CV)
Links of the Day:
Supernatural:
dotfic's Meta A few thoughts on Dean and Sam and heroism in the SPN season finale
inked_insanity's Good Omens Crossover Fic Freddie Mercury is the Real Devil
chemm80's Savig Grace Crossover Podfic In Judgment of Angels ; Better I Should Know
leonidaslion's Fic Fumbling in the Dark: Lapse (Everybody Loves A Clown)
ruskiebiz's Fanvid Give Me A Sign (Season 5)
fatedcinderella's Fanvid In the Air Tonight (Ruby, Dean)
ashdoode's Fanvid Half of My Heart (J2)
heathyr_iltp's Fanvid From Where You Are (Jimmy Novak)
savorymoment's Fanvid Gabriel
giandujakiss' Fanvid Wild Son
random00's Fanvid He Ate My Heart (Gabriel/Sam)
marmuzetka's Fanvid Lead Me To Your Door (Dean/Lisa)
piperdox's Fanmix Apple Pie and Genocide
thejazzter's Fanmix I gripped you tight... or how Dean gets through the apocalypse with an angel by his side
lassiterfics' Fanmix Put Your Lights On
temporalranger's Lucifer Icons
lessrest's Icons
ladymanson's Picspam Link Jared and Genevieve
Lost:
henrygalelovers' Lost Magazines
dominoart's Icons
EW's Finale Recapt, Part 1
Doctor Who:
who_daily's Vincent and the Doctor Reaction Posts Part 1, Part 2
elainsaunt's Review Vincent and the Doctor
redscharlach's Review Vincent and the Doctor
infiniteviking's Review Vincent and the Doctor
copperbadge's Meta Vincent and the Doctor and Depression - "Depression is not a matter of "cheering up" or taking more walks or seeing pretty things or knowing one day you'll be in a museum. It's a neurological condition. You can't fix it by hugging someone more, and that's brutal too, that you can love someone with clinical depression and you can do everything right and it still won't help. [...] Depression can be triggered by certain situations, but in a larger sense is not contingent on situation. [...] Someone just rummaged around in my head, held my demon up to the light, and said, "Yep, it's a demon."
marylou_gr's Picspam Dickens, Victoria, Shakespeare, Christie & Van Gogh
Watchmen:
cousinmary's BtVS Crossover Fic Funny Guy
truthwritaslies's Fic Rorschach Meets the Endless
Anon's Fic Autographs ; My Baby Hasn't Got Blue Eyes ; We Can Has Crack
True Blood:
trueblood_lj's flocked Sam Trammel on Jimmy Kimmel Live (Source); Mod Post
EW's Video: True Blood shares backstage secrets, tease Season 3
Jackie Earle Haley:
wptjeh's Interview: WonderCon 2010 ; NOES B-roll ; Macro Madness ; Whiz Kids Screencap and YouTube Link
Multifandom:
suzyx's Icons - Supernatural, Inception, Lost, Textures, Celebrities
zimona's Icons - 30 Seconds to Mars, Celebrities, Lost, True Blood, The Vampire Diaries
knownaskate's Icons - Celebrities, Beastly, Kick Ass
mediocrechick's Icons - Saturday Night Live, Lost, Supernatural, Robin Hood, Eclipse
whitkj22's Picspam My Top 10 Favorite Male Characters
thedothatirl's Announcement of Fandom Face-Off Vidding Competition
The Terribel Crossove Fanfiction Generator
Random:
iconzicons' Wolverine (Comics) Icons
42number's Fullmetal Alchemist Fanmix (Im)Possibilities
phantmgreeneyes' embedded Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Sneak Peak
crevette's embedded Seize the Day (Chorale) to Bad Romance
made_of_fail_pc's Donation Request
tennant_love's Silly GIF of Sillyness
yumemisama's Review Lady Gaga's Album The Fame Monster - If I had no idea what she was singing, she'd be fucking brilliant.
theweaselking's George Bush: "I am a war criminal. I committed war crimes. Directly, and personally. Oh, and all that torture, rape, and murder the US has been doing? Yeah, I personally directly ordered that."
rex_dart's Day Trip to Bath ; Trip to The British Museum ; On the UK, the US and Emigration ; On Churchill, Stalin and Roosevelt and ontd_political's Party Post
postsecret's Thread: The trouble with mothers
queenanthai's Life and Times ; Life and Times Continued
redscharlach's Picspam Great Facial Hair of History: A Spotter's Guide
Wiki's One Litre of Tears ; Irish-English
Dublin Zoo's Live penguin camera!
WWT's Slimbridge Wetland Centre’s spectacular Swan Lake live camera!
Useless Movie Quotes
Stars, "Heart"
Saturday's Entry: On Thursday, Friend V had told me that Friend D was having some sort of get-together that day and that she'd see about my getting an invite and details. Friend V texted me about it, but I only saw it an hour later when Friend D called to invite but by then it was really short notice - of the sort of notice where you hang up, get dressed and skip down the road - so I said it was lovely of her but I'd made plans (which I had: free concert of baroque music).
I felt like a complete jerk after hanging up, though, because that sort of mixer is just what I need to meet people and make friends. On the other hand, it was short notice, and I'm the type that needs to mentally prepare for such daunting social events as parties with 90% strangers. I couldn't just say, "Hang it all, I'll be right over." I need time. Plus, there was the whole, "Me being terrified of the idea." Self-defeatism, how nice to see you again.
Also, I finally watched the Lost Finale! \o/
Monday's Entry: Where Saturday was summed up in my notes as "Social failure", Monday got the more general "University failure and work failure and failfailfail". This is because I looked into universities in Dublin, PhD programs and the like, then looked through some 300-odd job announcements, then just felt generally distressed and dispirited. Yays.
Today's Entry: I spent the whole morning translating a contract and a company's information sheet on said contract for ex-employer of Spain, whom I'm sort of helping out free-lance with the odd translation. Oh gods, did that break my poor litle brain.
Then this afternoon I got a call from Friend V's ex-coworker - the one who's in the recruiting agency - and we talked about what I'd done and would like to do and also about one possible option that will be more clear in a few weeks. So there were a couple litres of adrenaline running around my bloodstream for a while.
Dreams:
1) A large crowd - of which I am part - is sitting on the bleachers of a large arena, although it is very dark - feels like nighttime - and there's some smoke-machine effects going on.
I'm sitting next to a friend from elementary school (who in real life dropped me like it's hot twice in preference of making BFF-eyes at new-commers despite declaring undying BBF-isms at me) and I'm feeling wonderfully loving to her and loving the reuinion. In front of us is a large opening with a stage, and parades of people come out, performing all sorts of things centered around their own particular theme, like a carnaval.
Each group of performers is showing us their version of hell or heaven. We have to decide which it is - and we may be wrong - and then we have to choose which one we want for our own souls.
I end up in a vast park covered in snow and ice, with the pond frozen over and icicles on the bridge. It's very quiet and peaceful and I like it very much, even though I still don't know if it's heaven or hell and instead choose to think of it as something apart. I walk on the snow to reach a large wood cabin on the edge of a group of buildings.
2) I'm standing with an elementary teacher of mine - the one who got abrupty fired after losing his temper to a student who hated his guts but whom I quite liked. He holds me close in a tight hug, and I get the sense of love and longing and he asks if he can kiss me, which I agree to and which he does quite chastely.
Doctor Who Review, "Cold Blood"
- It's not Homo reptilia. They're not in the Homo genus. If they'd been Reptilia sapiens that would have made more sense. Y'all fail at science.
- The decontamination bit - "Death to all non-human cells!" - would have been very very bad even for a human. I like (and need) my little symbiotic bacteria, thank you very much. Y'all fail twice at science.
- Am I the only one disturbed by the possibility that the "Wee! Vivisection!" scientist had other children hooked up in suspended animation? (I mean, apart from the "Wee! Vivisection!" part, of course, which is already disturbing.) And that these children were left behind by the Doctor and co? And that there were probably also surviving Wee! Vivisection! humans trapped down there as well? Y'all fail at humanitarian rescues.
- I'm unsually not bothered by the rampant sexism and mysogeny some other fans seem to see in television shows, but this episode pissed me off. The grunts were are female, which I'll allow on that being logical if they're all of the same gene line (i.e. clones). But why did they have to be raving lunatic sociopaths intent on genocide? And the males all had to be logical and caring and "we can work it out, peace, yo"? Not to mention incredibly condescending to the females ("Run along and play soldiers") and completely undermine any authority they might have had, all "Everybody relax, the big male is here" and "You silly warrior you, how ridiculous of you to do your job,"? Y'all fail at balanced gender representations.
- Roooooory! D:
Doctor Who Review, "Vincent and the Doctor":
- Beautiful shots!
- Poor wee space chicken!
- Bill Nighy! With a bow-tie!
- It's /van goh/, you mispronouncing van goth-ing people! Think Bach! Lookit!
- Go on, break my heart with the depression references and lines.
The Doctor: My experience is that there is... y'know... surprisingly, always hope.
Vincent: *rages* Then your experience is incomplete!
Vincent: We have fought monsters together and we have won. On my own I fear I may not do as well.
The Doctor: The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant.
- Go on, break my heart further with the ending. I wish everyone got to see that yes, they do matter and people appreciate their work. Alas, we cannot all be as lucky as Vincent van Gogh and Charles Dickens were with the Doctor.
Meme - 30 Days - Day 28 → This year, in great detail: Screw details! That's why I post entries!
January: New Years holidays spent in Rome with parents and brother, then zoom zoom to the Netherlands. Job hunt. Graduation. Wee bit of the blues.
February: Job hunt. Trip to Spain.
March: Ski trip. Trip to Rome for Easter. Massive blow-out anger issues.
April: Room showings. Furniture, book and bike advertising. Cursing of Iclandic volcanoes. Packing and throwing-away of. Freakouts. Permanent trip to Rome.
May: Italian class (i.e. academic frustration and socializing). Extreme maddness. Trip to Spain.
June: Job hunt.
That's 8 plane rides and 1 long-ass bus ride, for those of you keeping track at home.
Previously:
Day 01 → Your favorite song
Day 02 → Your favorite movie
Day 03 → Your favorite television program
Day 04 → Your favorite book
Day 05 → Your favorite quote
Day 06 → Whatever tickles your fancy - GIFs
Day 07 → A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 → A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 → A photo you took
Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 → A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 → Whatever tickles your fancy - Nature is awesome!
Day 13 → A fictional book
Day 14 → A non-fictional book
Day 15 → A fanfic
Day 16 → A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 → An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 → Whatever tickles your fancy - My irrational fears, let me show you them.
Day 19 → A talent of yours
Day 20 → A hobby of yours
Day 21 → A recipe
Day 22 → A website
Day 23 → A YouTube video
Day 24 → Whatever tickles your fancy - My view on religion, in crack metaphor form.
Day 25 → Your day, in great detail
Day 26 → Your week, in great detail
Day 27 → This month, in great detail
Coming Soon
Day 29 → Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Quotes of the Day: living_by_luck, re: Lost finale
Someone, somewhere said:
If you watched it for the characters, you loved [the finale]. If you watched it for the mythology and the simple unanswered questions, you felt like you got conned.
Anon and chaosvizier
If anyone pisses me, I'll curse them with a long and horrible murder by an 'Extremely Inefficient Weapon'." - ANONYMOUS
("Why a spoon, cousin?" - "Because it will HURT MORE!" -CV)
Links of the Day:
Supernatural:
dotfic's Meta A few thoughts on Dean and Sam and heroism in the SPN season finale
inked_insanity's Good Omens Crossover Fic Freddie Mercury is the Real Devil
chemm80's Savig Grace Crossover Podfic In Judgment of Angels ; Better I Should Know
leonidaslion's Fic Fumbling in the Dark: Lapse (Everybody Loves A Clown)
ruskiebiz's Fanvid Give Me A Sign (Season 5)
fatedcinderella's Fanvid In the Air Tonight (Ruby, Dean)
ashdoode's Fanvid Half of My Heart (J2)
heathyr_iltp's Fanvid From Where You Are (Jimmy Novak)
savorymoment's Fanvid Gabriel
giandujakiss' Fanvid Wild Son
random00's Fanvid He Ate My Heart (Gabriel/Sam)
marmuzetka's Fanvid Lead Me To Your Door (Dean/Lisa)
piperdox's Fanmix Apple Pie and Genocide
thejazzter's Fanmix I gripped you tight... or how Dean gets through the apocalypse with an angel by his side
lassiterfics' Fanmix Put Your Lights On
temporalranger's Lucifer Icons
lessrest's Icons
ladymanson's Picspam Link Jared and Genevieve
Lost:
henrygalelovers' Lost Magazines
dominoart's Icons
EW's Finale Recapt, Part 1
Doctor Who:
who_daily's Vincent and the Doctor Reaction Posts Part 1, Part 2
elainsaunt's Review Vincent and the Doctor
redscharlach's Review Vincent and the Doctor
infiniteviking's Review Vincent and the Doctor
copperbadge's Meta Vincent and the Doctor and Depression - "Depression is not a matter of "cheering up" or taking more walks or seeing pretty things or knowing one day you'll be in a museum. It's a neurological condition. You can't fix it by hugging someone more, and that's brutal too, that you can love someone with clinical depression and you can do everything right and it still won't help. [...] Depression can be triggered by certain situations, but in a larger sense is not contingent on situation. [...] Someone just rummaged around in my head, held my demon up to the light, and said, "Yep, it's a demon."
marylou_gr's Picspam Dickens, Victoria, Shakespeare, Christie & Van Gogh
Watchmen:
cousinmary's BtVS Crossover Fic Funny Guy
truthwritaslies's Fic Rorschach Meets the Endless
Anon's Fic Autographs ; My Baby Hasn't Got Blue Eyes ; We Can Has Crack
True Blood:
trueblood_lj's flocked Sam Trammel on Jimmy Kimmel Live (Source); Mod Post
EW's Video: True Blood shares backstage secrets, tease Season 3
Jackie Earle Haley:
wptjeh's Interview: WonderCon 2010 ; NOES B-roll ; Macro Madness ; Whiz Kids Screencap and YouTube Link
Multifandom:
suzyx's Icons - Supernatural, Inception, Lost, Textures, Celebrities
zimona's Icons - 30 Seconds to Mars, Celebrities, Lost, True Blood, The Vampire Diaries
knownaskate's Icons - Celebrities, Beastly, Kick Ass
mediocrechick's Icons - Saturday Night Live, Lost, Supernatural, Robin Hood, Eclipse
whitkj22's Picspam My Top 10 Favorite Male Characters
thedothatirl's Announcement of Fandom Face-Off Vidding Competition
The Terribel Crossove Fanfiction Generator
Random:
iconzicons' Wolverine (Comics) Icons
42number's Fullmetal Alchemist Fanmix (Im)Possibilities
phantmgreeneyes' embedded Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Sneak Peak
crevette's embedded Seize the Day (Chorale) to Bad Romance
made_of_fail_pc's Donation Request
tennant_love's Silly GIF of Sillyness
yumemisama's Review Lady Gaga's Album The Fame Monster - If I had no idea what she was singing, she'd be fucking brilliant.
theweaselking's George Bush: "I am a war criminal. I committed war crimes. Directly, and personally. Oh, and all that torture, rape, and murder the US has been doing? Yeah, I personally directly ordered that."
rex_dart's Day Trip to Bath ; Trip to The British Museum ; On the UK, the US and Emigration ; On Churchill, Stalin and Roosevelt and ontd_political's Party Post
postsecret's Thread: The trouble with mothers
queenanthai's Life and Times ; Life and Times Continued
redscharlach's Picspam Great Facial Hair of History: A Spotter's Guide
Wiki's One Litre of Tears ; Irish-English
Dublin Zoo's Live penguin camera!
WWT's Slimbridge Wetland Centre’s spectacular Swan Lake live camera!
Useless Movie Quotes
Stars, "Heart"