I like people, for a little while.*
I need to rant about something and work it through.
I've been struggling with whether or not to post about something or not. But you know what? This is my LJ, and I'm not going to self-censor myself because of what people might read. This is my safe little place, mainly ignored by strangers, read by people I've given this address to or who've friended me (and most of those I know, LJ-wise). I will not let this become a not-safe place for me, I won't be wracked by indecision over whether I should write about something or not, if someone or other is going to read it.
So here goes.
There's this entry. In it, I talk about people I know. Now, I like them all fine. I get along with them all fine. I was just trying to work out whether I could develop friendships out of acquaintances.
One person from that set posted this on my Facebook Wall:
Hey there!
Gotta say, if bending_sickle is ur blog name, then i do like what u write.
This rattles me to no end.
First off, there's a reason I keep Sickledom (and bending_sickle in particular) separate from Facebookdom. I don't want to advertise this LJ on Facebook, where highschool friends and almost-random-strangers and aquaintances and old professors and family can see it. I don't mind strangers reading this - I mind terribly people I somewhat know doing the same. All the times I've given this address to people I know personally, it's taken a shitload of trust.
On the other hand - or possibly the same hand, or maybe someone else's foot - I don't want to Friendslock my entries. I just...I don't, ok? And part of it is because some readers aren't LJers.
So her naming the blog on the Facebook Wall was Not Cool. (I promptly deleted the post for this sole reason.)
Second, I have enough passive-aggressive hints from my mom to last me a lifetime. I do not have the patience to take it from anyone else. Because that's what it is. Honestly, the only way she could have found my blog - and known it was me - was by Googling her name**. (If she'd found me through LJ, she would've commented on LJ.) And the only bit with her name is the above-linked post.
Which brings me to point the third: there's no reason to be passive-aggressive about it. I say I like her. I bloody freaking do. And we do get along.
But here's the thing: sometimes people can just rub you the wrong way and you can dislike them while you're liking them. Or maybe this is just me. And that's what I say in the post.
For example, in highschool (Montreal), there was this girl who no one quite liked, really. (There was a lot of drama that year.) Myself, on one level, liked her fine. But at the same time I had to fight the constant reaction of "Oh gods, you're irritating!"
I guess what I'm trying to say is that my head can like someone fine, but for some reason or other my gut just doesn't agree. And I have to fight it because damn it I like this person but that ends up with me being on edge and uncomfortable when hanging with that person.
This particular case is further muddied by the echoes of Ye Backstabbing of 2003. As I describe in this meme, that lass is the only person I actively dislike. A lot. Why? Two words: Knife. Back.*** Still fucking stings.
And the thing is that the Facebook-commenter remind me - in stature, hair, accent - of Ye Backstabber. Not a lot, but enough for my hackles to twitch despite myself.
To put it simply, it's like a child who's been burnt by a fire may be afraid of a lightbulb. (Metaphorically, this makes sense. Realistically? Fuck-all.) It's not the lightbulb's fault, and the kid may even like it, but still, always lurking when the child is spending quality time with the 'bulb, is the lingering memory of the fire. And the child will never be at ease.
And you know what? She's probably, maybe, going to read this post too, and I'm trying to be ok with it. (Not Friendslocking, see?) I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm not saying anything mean, and I'm not divulging any secrets. I just have issues, which reflect on no one but myself.
Whew! There. I just needed to say that to the internet ether.
ETA: Or maybe I'm just reading too much into her comment and all she's saying is that she likes my writing. But hey, maybe I'm just too damn cynical for that right now.
TL;DR? Short Version:
,
****
Links of the Day:
videorama
ursulav is on a Marvel comic! (Or at least her pear is.)
morgandawn's poll and discussion about the distribution of Fanvids on DVDs
Buffy vs. Edward: Twilight Remixed
The McGill Daily Archives (♥) and an old Literary Supplement (With Disappearing, which I love.)
Diane Schoemperlen interview for Our Lady of the Lost and Found
100 Love Poems
Jon Stewart's discussions with Mike Huckabee about gay marriage and abortion are really interesting. Jon kicks ass! \o/
Jack Handey quotes
Mitch Hedberg quotes
* Demetri Martin, "If"
** Why do people do that? Why?!?
*** Translation: black-mailed by a friend. How lovely.
**** First icon by sickle_icons, second by iconomicon
I've been struggling with whether or not to post about something or not. But you know what? This is my LJ, and I'm not going to self-censor myself because of what people might read. This is my safe little place, mainly ignored by strangers, read by people I've given this address to or who've friended me (and most of those I know, LJ-wise). I will not let this become a not-safe place for me, I won't be wracked by indecision over whether I should write about something or not, if someone or other is going to read it.
So here goes.
There's this entry. In it, I talk about people I know. Now, I like them all fine. I get along with them all fine. I was just trying to work out whether I could develop friendships out of acquaintances.
One person from that set posted this on my Facebook Wall:
Hey there!
Gotta say, if bending_sickle is ur blog name, then i do like what u write.
This rattles me to no end.
First off, there's a reason I keep Sickledom (and bending_sickle in particular) separate from Facebookdom. I don't want to advertise this LJ on Facebook, where highschool friends and almost-random-strangers and aquaintances and old professors and family can see it. I don't mind strangers reading this - I mind terribly people I somewhat know doing the same. All the times I've given this address to people I know personally, it's taken a shitload of trust.
On the other hand - or possibly the same hand, or maybe someone else's foot - I don't want to Friendslock my entries. I just...I don't, ok? And part of it is because some readers aren't LJers.
So her naming the blog on the Facebook Wall was Not Cool. (I promptly deleted the post for this sole reason.)
Second, I have enough passive-aggressive hints from my mom to last me a lifetime. I do not have the patience to take it from anyone else. Because that's what it is. Honestly, the only way she could have found my blog - and known it was me - was by Googling her name**. (If she'd found me through LJ, she would've commented on LJ.) And the only bit with her name is the above-linked post.
Which brings me to point the third: there's no reason to be passive-aggressive about it. I say I like her. I bloody freaking do. And we do get along.
But here's the thing: sometimes people can just rub you the wrong way and you can dislike them while you're liking them. Or maybe this is just me. And that's what I say in the post.
For example, in highschool (Montreal), there was this girl who no one quite liked, really. (There was a lot of drama that year.) Myself, on one level, liked her fine. But at the same time I had to fight the constant reaction of "Oh gods, you're irritating!"
I guess what I'm trying to say is that my head can like someone fine, but for some reason or other my gut just doesn't agree. And I have to fight it because damn it I like this person but that ends up with me being on edge and uncomfortable when hanging with that person.
This particular case is further muddied by the echoes of Ye Backstabbing of 2003. As I describe in this meme, that lass is the only person I actively dislike. A lot. Why? Two words: Knife. Back.*** Still fucking stings.
And the thing is that the Facebook-commenter remind me - in stature, hair, accent - of Ye Backstabber. Not a lot, but enough for my hackles to twitch despite myself.
To put it simply, it's like a child who's been burnt by a fire may be afraid of a lightbulb. (Metaphorically, this makes sense. Realistically? Fuck-all.) It's not the lightbulb's fault, and the kid may even like it, but still, always lurking when the child is spending quality time with the 'bulb, is the lingering memory of the fire. And the child will never be at ease.
And you know what? She's probably, maybe, going to read this post too, and I'm trying to be ok with it. (Not Friendslocking, see?) I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm not saying anything mean, and I'm not divulging any secrets. I just have issues, which reflect on no one but myself.
Whew! There. I just needed to say that to the internet ether.
ETA: Or maybe I'm just reading too much into her comment and all she's saying is that she likes my writing. But hey, maybe I'm just too damn cynical for that right now.
TL;DR? Short Version:
,
****
Links of the Day:
videorama
ursulav is on a Marvel comic! (Or at least her pear is.)
morgandawn's poll and discussion about the distribution of Fanvids on DVDs
Buffy vs. Edward: Twilight Remixed
The McGill Daily Archives (♥) and an old Literary Supplement (With Disappearing, which I love.)
Diane Schoemperlen interview for Our Lady of the Lost and Found
100 Love Poems
Jon Stewart's discussions with Mike Huckabee about gay marriage and abortion are really interesting. Jon kicks ass! \o/
Jack Handey quotes
Mitch Hedberg quotes
* Demetri Martin, "If"
** Why do people do that? Why?!?
*** Translation: black-mailed by a friend. How lovely.
**** First icon by sickle_icons, second by iconomicon