(no subject)
I have this weird feeling that i just cant shake. I dont know how to explain it, i dont even know what it is. Its not depression, i've had deep bouts of that and i dont feel depressed, just really sad i guess. Things that used to be so much fun to me no longer seem fun at all, the people i used to have such good times with just dont seem as entertaining. I dont know whats happening to me, its scary. It seems like i say this a lot and im always talking about it, but i just need someone to understand me, to truly know what im going through.
I want to meet new people and be in new situations.
i want to be a new person who feels ok with who they are, and not think im the grossest thing on earth.
I want to not have a past to think about where i have wronged people and where people have wronged me.
I want to have a new heart that hasnt been bruised or torn apart by my recklessness and stupidity.
I want to be able to fall in love without actually falling.
I think im ready though. I think that my broken heart from my first love has finally healed and im ready to throw myself in again, i mean its taken four years for me to do this. No more protecting myself, i just need to go for it.
Im ready to make the jump, i just need someone to fall with.