(no subject)
taking a break from smoking weed. quit saturday. the first few days always feel weird.. adjusting to sleeping and eating has been hard but I'm just trying to make it a week and see how I feel emotionally.
unfortunately, this has brought up a lot of other issues for me. things I need to deal with and heal from. things that have haunted me. I realize I don't really trust anyone. I have been in a lot of relationships/situationships where I was lied to compulsively and used. I do not even trust myself to pick a good normal partner so I do not allow myself to be vulnerable. at all. people try to get close to me or ask me out and I instantly pull away. I realize D and I didn't and don't have anything in common and he isn't someone I can talk to at all. I was just lonely and found him attractive and he gave me crumbs of attention.
I want to go on dates and meet people and be vulnerable and allow the love I have to give out into the universe because I do have it to give, I'm just tired of giving it to the wrong people.
unfortunately, this has brought up a lot of other issues for me. things I need to deal with and heal from. things that have haunted me. I realize I don't really trust anyone. I have been in a lot of relationships/situationships where I was lied to compulsively and used. I do not even trust myself to pick a good normal partner so I do not allow myself to be vulnerable. at all. people try to get close to me or ask me out and I instantly pull away. I realize D and I didn't and don't have anything in common and he isn't someone I can talk to at all. I was just lonely and found him attractive and he gave me crumbs of attention.
I want to go on dates and meet people and be vulnerable and allow the love I have to give out into the universe because I do have it to give, I'm just tired of giving it to the wrong people.