Five Questions Answered
So, it appears that I've fallen off the wagon with a number of my "Regular Features", so please enjoy a Five Questions response. The original concept still stands for anybody who wants to know about things via me.
Today we'll be taking a look at evil_egg 's questions about creativity and my Fuckbrain:
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1. Do you believe that your awesometacular writing skills would have been possible without the Fuckbrain?
That's always been a huge question in my own mind. I'm going to assume "No," since my brain as it is is the only way I can imagine it. I know that a lot of weird inspirations I get come from seemingly random firings of my brain, and some of my stuff has been written while I'm either cripplingly depressed, or horribly manic, or just feeling one step to the side of every other human being on the planet.
It's not to say that I don't think I'd be an uninteresting or dull or bad person, I just think that my imagination gets a strange boost / tilt from my errant brain chemicals, so as much as I may complain about them, I would never want them to go away completely.
In summation, no, I don't think that all of my creativity would still be there.
2. If possible, would you ever alter the conditions of the F-brain?
Well, I am on three medications right now, all of which alter one Fuckbrain issue or another. I've intentionally had my doctor dial down one and eliminate a fourth, because I felt like I was treading water for a while, creatively and socially.
There's an addictive quality to mania and an addictive quality to severe depression, so without medication I find myself being pulled in really deeply, where wonderful ideas form but where my mind and body just can't stay for long without bad effects. Removing / dulling those times can also be a drag, when the craving is there.
As for the Tourette's...you know, I wonder if I'd be the same without it. I know that it makes my life far more interesting--as well as painful and inconvenient and tiring and so on--but I wonder how much of it affects who I am. While I'm not "proud" of it, as some stupid-ass self-help things would make you believe I should be, I'm certainly not ashamed of it or angry at it. It's a part of me and I've accepted its role.
I do know that my OCD does a lot to define me, though. Whether it's a compulsive method of organizing books and toys and constant hand-washing or my inability to function work-wise in an area that isn't an absolute fucking mess, it's always there with me. I'm counting threes (please see a few of my Fuckbrain Comix for more info on that) 97% of my life and...well, I could do without it. Seriously.
3. Any plans of publishing your work in book form?
Yep. The brutality of the publishing world and Sara's illness put all of that shit on a waaaaaay back burner for a while. Now I'm looking into that stuff again, boggling at the financial investment, and conceiving other ways to make money off of my art and my "art".
4. How do you think you would have turned out if your brain were not prefixed by fuck-?
Honestly? A nice, slightly odd fellow who...is a nice, slightly odd fellow. *shrug*
5. What sort of advice would you give to a budding young writer (possibly also fuckbrained)?
Come to terms with it, but keep working while you do so. If I'd waited until I had it all sorted out then I'd not have produced anything good, let alone anything sellable, before my mid-twenties. This is not to say "conquer it" but learn to understand what it affects and how, and discern what effects are positive and how you can accentuate those, and which ones are negative and how you...oh, I can't finish that. I'd feel dirty.
Also, abuse the stupor-powers that having a Fuckbrain affords. You have Powers Beyond Those of Mortal Man and most likely also Glaringly Obvious Weaknesses and Drawbacks. Find the difference, but through trial and error. You'll find that there are things you're really good at primarily because of your "problems".
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you allowed to use it as an excuse for not getting stuff done. Yes, it's going to mean that you're not going to get stuff done sometimes, but make sure it stops you rather than using it to cop out before you begin.
It's not easy, and I'm not done with the process yet...because it's not going to end.
Oh, shit, did I mention my complete and utter rubbish memory? I think I forgot to. My inability to pay attention for long, though, that I can--oh, man, I just totally remembered the M.A.S.K. cartoon, with MATT TRACKER! I wonder if eBay has any of the toys! I bet they're really expensive oh shit I have an eye appointment in like twenty minutes, but don't worry, there's
Today we'll be taking a look at evil_egg 's questions about creativity and my Fuckbrain:
---------------------------
1. Do you believe that your awesometacular writing skills would have been possible without the Fuckbrain?
That's always been a huge question in my own mind. I'm going to assume "No," since my brain as it is is the only way I can imagine it. I know that a lot of weird inspirations I get come from seemingly random firings of my brain, and some of my stuff has been written while I'm either cripplingly depressed, or horribly manic, or just feeling one step to the side of every other human being on the planet.
It's not to say that I don't think I'd be an uninteresting or dull or bad person, I just think that my imagination gets a strange boost / tilt from my errant brain chemicals, so as much as I may complain about them, I would never want them to go away completely.
In summation, no, I don't think that all of my creativity would still be there.
2. If possible, would you ever alter the conditions of the F-brain?
Well, I am on three medications right now, all of which alter one Fuckbrain issue or another. I've intentionally had my doctor dial down one and eliminate a fourth, because I felt like I was treading water for a while, creatively and socially.
There's an addictive quality to mania and an addictive quality to severe depression, so without medication I find myself being pulled in really deeply, where wonderful ideas form but where my mind and body just can't stay for long without bad effects. Removing / dulling those times can also be a drag, when the craving is there.
As for the Tourette's...you know, I wonder if I'd be the same without it. I know that it makes my life far more interesting--as well as painful and inconvenient and tiring and so on--but I wonder how much of it affects who I am. While I'm not "proud" of it, as some stupid-ass self-help things would make you believe I should be, I'm certainly not ashamed of it or angry at it. It's a part of me and I've accepted its role.
I do know that my OCD does a lot to define me, though. Whether it's a compulsive method of organizing books and toys and constant hand-washing or my inability to function work-wise in an area that isn't an absolute fucking mess, it's always there with me. I'm counting threes (please see a few of my Fuckbrain Comix for more info on that) 97% of my life and...well, I could do without it. Seriously.
3. Any plans of publishing your work in book form?
Yep. The brutality of the publishing world and Sara's illness put all of that shit on a waaaaaay back burner for a while. Now I'm looking into that stuff again, boggling at the financial investment, and conceiving other ways to make money off of my art and my "art".
4. How do you think you would have turned out if your brain were not prefixed by fuck-?
Honestly? A nice, slightly odd fellow who...is a nice, slightly odd fellow. *shrug*
5. What sort of advice would you give to a budding young writer (possibly also fuckbrained)?
Come to terms with it, but keep working while you do so. If I'd waited until I had it all sorted out then I'd not have produced anything good, let alone anything sellable, before my mid-twenties. This is not to say "conquer it" but learn to understand what it affects and how, and discern what effects are positive and how you can accentuate those, and which ones are negative and how you...oh, I can't finish that. I'd feel dirty.
Also, abuse the stupor-powers that having a Fuckbrain affords. You have Powers Beyond Those of Mortal Man and most likely also Glaringly Obvious Weaknesses and Drawbacks. Find the difference, but through trial and error. You'll find that there are things you're really good at primarily because of your "problems".
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you allowed to use it as an excuse for not getting stuff done. Yes, it's going to mean that you're not going to get stuff done sometimes, but make sure it stops you rather than using it to cop out before you begin.
It's not easy, and I'm not done with the process yet...because it's not going to end.
Oh, shit, did I mention my complete and utter rubbish memory? I think I forgot to. My inability to pay attention for long, though, that I can--oh, man, I just totally remembered the M.A.S.K. cartoon, with MATT TRACKER! I wonder if eBay has any of the toys! I bet they're really expensive oh shit I have an eye appointment in like twenty minutes, but don't worry, there's