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[benchilada]

Remember The Crush Entry?
Remember The Parallel You Entry?

Let's have another, shall we?

I wish I could remember what memory I associate this video with. I just can't seem to put my finger on it, but it's always there. My brain doesn't work the best, particularly when it comes to memory, so chances are that it's gone forever, which leaves a very weird

Comments

[anonymous]

It's not a moment for me but a period of a couple of weeks. The day the Doctors told me that my Mother was going to die. The time during that week that she and I talked about what her wishes were, before she was so out of it that she didn't recognize me anymore. The last time I held her hand, the last time I helped her drink, eat, be comfortable. The last time my children made her smile. Seeing her after death, touching her cold hand and realizing it was real, that she was indeed gone. Making plans for her funeral, her memorial service... watching my children mourn. Me mourning. That was almost 3 years ago and it still hurts as much as it did when it happened. I miss her so much.

[benchilada]

I don't know how I'd do in that situation.
I think I'd have the bravest fucking face ever when I was with her and that collapse into nothingness the moment I left.

[anonymous]

Exactly... That was exactly what I did.

Thanks Ben. Saying it outloud helped in a way.

[auroracita]

That's what Royal and I do when we see his mom.

She asked him the other day what he wants when she dies, seeing as his father only wants her wedding ring and she may only have a couple of months left to live. The wills are made and signed. She's losing weight every day, even when I think she's got nothing left there to lose.

I'm scared because I don't know what Royal and his dad will do when she finally goes. I don't know how they'll snap.

[djinneth]

It's been 8 years for me. I did all of those things, except my as of yet non-existent children will never meet their Grandma Jane. That was what made me cry the hardest, and still does to this day.

I'm sorry your mom is gone.

[anonymous]

Thank you... you know sometimes it really helps a lot to know someone else understands. :)

[djinneth]

It sure does, doesn't it? I sometimes get the "umm.. it's been a long time, hasn't it?" look from people who haven't lost their mother. It is something that doesn't really go away. It's the loss of permanence. She has ALWAYS been in your world, until the moment when she's not. And then it's like the first day of the rest of your life, but not in a good way.

You just don't forget cutting the nightgown off because she wet the bed in the middle of the night and is too weak to sit up. You don't forget the slowed breathing, and the feeling that at any minute it might stop, and being both terrified and relieved that it is coming soon.

I was 25. I miss her so much. I will never get over it. Move on, yes. Forget or get over it? Never.