they don't do it anymore... things change... they don't sleep anymore on the beach.
I had a good day today I think. Nato told me yesterday that he'd be attending this "Latin heritage" lecture thing in the library today so he could skip the first 3 periods of the school day... so this morning I asked for a pass in the guidance office to go to this thing and after looking at me a little funny the woman there wrote me out a pass. How fucking sweet is that! So I met up with Fletcher and Kimmy and later Nato and Sarah and they ended up seating us in the front row...
At first some teachers were saying "what are you doing here... this was meant for Hispanic kids" or something but I knew they couldn't really keep us from attending since that would be racial discrimination and stuff... I guess that had been Nato's idea.
So instead of the great entertainment we were expecting, with all the speakers talking in Spanish which none of us understood (Nato and the other white people there besides me are in the Japanese centre) the three main speakers ended up speaking pretty much in English : / Still it was cool... Kimmy got interviewed by the Norwalk Hour which was kinda funny... and then during 2nd period Fletcher and Kimmy started writing on each other and then they separated Fletcher from us (Jillian is right he DOES remind me of Beavis!!) and then the beginning of 3rd I spilled my Pepsi on the library floor... and then Nato & Kimmy & Fletcher & I hid in the back of the library sitting on the floor just doing stupid stuff. And it was cool. I got to miss 3 periods of the day WOO!
And then after lunch I took the bus with Craig to Norwalk High. And we bought Twinkies and Cupcakes (both shitty Hostess treats) for a buck total which was kinda cool. Oh that was at the bus station then we transferred over to the bus that went to Norwalk High. We pretty much just talked about emo on the bus the whole time over there.
So then I was at Norwalk High just sorta standin around at the bus stop where Eva said she'd meet me... and suddenly there she was! And I just got really happy all of a sudden. And she had to go inside and talk to her AP Euro teacher so I waited outside the room and stuff. So then we drove back to her house and she played Chopin's Nocturne in F Minor for me on her piano and it was AMAZING. Holy crap. She is very extremely good at playing that instrument. Well, I suppose it's to be expected since she's been playing it for 9 years (!) But then I started feeling upset with myself for never having taken on a fulfilling experience like that where you spend time every day working on it and at the end of a few weeks you are really good and you can do the whole thing really well almost perfectly.
Ummmmmm so I read her paper on The Great Gatsby which was actually a lot better than she thought! And we got McDonald's stuff and then we ate it in her backyard and then we went to Marty's and sat around for awhile it was kind of boring but then Christina and Mercedes and Giorgio came! Oh and I met Marty's new friend Josh... hmmm...
Mercedes lent me Donnie Darko and this freaky Lydia Lunch/Thurston Moore 12" EP that I just listened to... it reminds me a bit of the Residents. And we went up to Marty's room annnnnnd after I decided on the soundtrack being The Moon and Antarctica by Modest Mouse, we kinda got started...
I used Eva's directions on smoking (inhale, hold it for awhile down inside your lungs, and then slowly let it out) and after a couple tries I think I got it right... or at least I thought I did... after taking a few hits I started coughing really hard and I thought I was going to puke maybe. But I drank some Tab (ick!) and it started to subside. I figured that was enough for then and took a break. Wow that stuff is like... spicy and stuff. Uh. Nothing really happened. It was weird. Like for awhile, I didn't feel any different at all... eventually I think I started to feel a bit floaty just a little and food did taste pretty good but that's about all of the positive effects that I could notice. I started talking to Eva outside about things that only made sense to me and what's even worse is my short-term memory was getting really bad; I guess that's the most noticeable effect from smoking I got. Marty told this very random anecdote about writing a rap including the line "flaccid penis" and then walking across his road right by a skunk that had been run over and he was saying something that I finished off with "and that's when you realised that 'skunk' rhymes with 'flaccid penis'." And apparently everyone found that extremely funny. That was pretty cool :D
I spent a little time talking with Eva in the livingroom area and by the computer and stuff because I was feeling weird and there were things I needed to talk about and she wanted to listen. But I ended up saying a bunch of vague stuff that doesn't really make a lot of sense to someone who's not you. Bleh.
Eventually Eva lost the effects of the stoning and she left with Mercedes, Apy & I to drop us off at our respective destinations. Mercedes went to Meekus's... Apy went home... she was going to drop me off there but as I was getting out I suddenly turned and said "I really want to talk to you about some things" so she suggested we go back to her house and walk to Borders from there. So we did that... I started to open up a little about how I had tendencies to judge myself a bit too harshly and stuff... on the walk to Borders she was talking to me and I think she asked something about what was wrong... damn this bad short-term memory... and I just sort of stopped right there and I told her I loved her and I hugged her and held onto her for awhile... "But at the same time I know that I'm not really ready yet..." I don't know if I explained that well enough. I hope she knows what I was talking about. No she definitely does because then she was telling me more about how you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with other people. And I told her how I get so upset with myself sometimes and how that makes me extremely unhappy with myself. And she said like "you can't really just change it after half a day by reading a book" and that's true... I was hoping Perks would be enough to put me on track but I think it's just the part that made me realise what is going on. More like a call to observation than a call to action. And she understands about that vicious cycle I am in where I don't do something... and then I guilt-trip myself about it... and this makes me feel bad so instead of fixing the something I didn't do I just feel bad about it and then I miss an opportunity to do something else and I'm disappointed in myself again and stuff like that. And then she told me part of the reason she has trouble looking at me is because I remind her of how she was last year... like pre-bitterness stage where she was having a lot of emotional confusion going on and stuff.
Where was I. So we got to Borders eventually. We got juice and talked a bit more in the café. Like about how I find myself staring at people while in the meantime I myself don't like the feeling of being stared at. So then my mom came and I said goodbye to Eva... and Christina came a couple minutes later after my mom took me back in to pick up an application to work at the bookstore there so I said hi to Christina and then goodbye to her and Eva again. And Eva got me an application in like a split second because she knew where the stack of them were :P
Sooooo my mom drove me home and then when we got there I realised I'd left the record at the bookstore. So we drove all the way back and I felt even stupider than I'd felt previously tonight. It was still there where I left it, leaning against the window in the café.
So I went home and listened to it. It's scary. I guess I already said that. I'm just remembering Eva was talking a lot about how I mentioned there are things I want to do but I never get myself organized enough to carry them out. And that I have to just want to do it I guess... like if I actually want to do it I'll put the effort into it and I'll be able to keep myself from getting distracted by other stuff. And I talked about my dad's crappy short temper and how I avoided inheriting that and instead I got my mom's passivity. And I really don't eat enough.
I forget what I was going to write at the end here. It was going to be really cool. Stupid short-term memory loss. CURSED MARIJUANA!
Oh now I remember.
Why must everyone I know who has read Perks tell me I remind them of Charlie?
At first some teachers were saying "what are you doing here... this was meant for Hispanic kids" or something but I knew they couldn't really keep us from attending since that would be racial discrimination and stuff... I guess that had been Nato's idea.
So instead of the great entertainment we were expecting, with all the speakers talking in Spanish which none of us understood (Nato and the other white people there besides me are in the Japanese centre) the three main speakers ended up speaking pretty much in English : / Still it was cool... Kimmy got interviewed by the Norwalk Hour which was kinda funny... and then during 2nd period Fletcher and Kimmy started writing on each other and then they separated Fletcher from us (Jillian is right he DOES remind me of Beavis!!) and then the beginning of 3rd I spilled my Pepsi on the library floor... and then Nato & Kimmy & Fletcher & I hid in the back of the library sitting on the floor just doing stupid stuff. And it was cool. I got to miss 3 periods of the day WOO!
And then after lunch I took the bus with Craig to Norwalk High. And we bought Twinkies and Cupcakes (both shitty Hostess treats) for a buck total which was kinda cool. Oh that was at the bus station then we transferred over to the bus that went to Norwalk High. We pretty much just talked about emo on the bus the whole time over there.
So then I was at Norwalk High just sorta standin around at the bus stop where Eva said she'd meet me... and suddenly there she was! And I just got really happy all of a sudden. And she had to go inside and talk to her AP Euro teacher so I waited outside the room and stuff. So then we drove back to her house and she played Chopin's Nocturne in F Minor for me on her piano and it was AMAZING. Holy crap. She is very extremely good at playing that instrument. Well, I suppose it's to be expected since she's been playing it for 9 years (!) But then I started feeling upset with myself for never having taken on a fulfilling experience like that where you spend time every day working on it and at the end of a few weeks you are really good and you can do the whole thing really well almost perfectly.
Ummmmmm so I read her paper on The Great Gatsby which was actually a lot better than she thought! And we got McDonald's stuff and then we ate it in her backyard and then we went to Marty's and sat around for awhile it was kind of boring but then Christina and Mercedes and Giorgio came! Oh and I met Marty's new friend Josh... hmmm...
Mercedes lent me Donnie Darko and this freaky Lydia Lunch/Thurston Moore 12" EP that I just listened to... it reminds me a bit of the Residents. And we went up to Marty's room annnnnnd after I decided on the soundtrack being The Moon and Antarctica by Modest Mouse, we kinda got started...
I used Eva's directions on smoking (inhale, hold it for awhile down inside your lungs, and then slowly let it out) and after a couple tries I think I got it right... or at least I thought I did... after taking a few hits I started coughing really hard and I thought I was going to puke maybe. But I drank some Tab (ick!) and it started to subside. I figured that was enough for then and took a break. Wow that stuff is like... spicy and stuff. Uh. Nothing really happened. It was weird. Like for awhile, I didn't feel any different at all... eventually I think I started to feel a bit floaty just a little and food did taste pretty good but that's about all of the positive effects that I could notice. I started talking to Eva outside about things that only made sense to me and what's even worse is my short-term memory was getting really bad; I guess that's the most noticeable effect from smoking I got. Marty told this very random anecdote about writing a rap including the line "flaccid penis" and then walking across his road right by a skunk that had been run over and he was saying something that I finished off with "and that's when you realised that 'skunk' rhymes with 'flaccid penis'." And apparently everyone found that extremely funny. That was pretty cool :D
I spent a little time talking with Eva in the livingroom area and by the computer and stuff because I was feeling weird and there were things I needed to talk about and she wanted to listen. But I ended up saying a bunch of vague stuff that doesn't really make a lot of sense to someone who's not you. Bleh.
Eventually Eva lost the effects of the stoning and she left with Mercedes, Apy & I to drop us off at our respective destinations. Mercedes went to Meekus's... Apy went home... she was going to drop me off there but as I was getting out I suddenly turned and said "I really want to talk to you about some things" so she suggested we go back to her house and walk to Borders from there. So we did that... I started to open up a little about how I had tendencies to judge myself a bit too harshly and stuff... on the walk to Borders she was talking to me and I think she asked something about what was wrong... damn this bad short-term memory... and I just sort of stopped right there and I told her I loved her and I hugged her and held onto her for awhile... "But at the same time I know that I'm not really ready yet..." I don't know if I explained that well enough. I hope she knows what I was talking about. No she definitely does because then she was telling me more about how you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with other people. And I told her how I get so upset with myself sometimes and how that makes me extremely unhappy with myself. And she said like "you can't really just change it after half a day by reading a book" and that's true... I was hoping Perks would be enough to put me on track but I think it's just the part that made me realise what is going on. More like a call to observation than a call to action. And she understands about that vicious cycle I am in where I don't do something... and then I guilt-trip myself about it... and this makes me feel bad so instead of fixing the something I didn't do I just feel bad about it and then I miss an opportunity to do something else and I'm disappointed in myself again and stuff like that. And then she told me part of the reason she has trouble looking at me is because I remind her of how she was last year... like pre-bitterness stage where she was having a lot of emotional confusion going on and stuff.
Where was I. So we got to Borders eventually. We got juice and talked a bit more in the café. Like about how I find myself staring at people while in the meantime I myself don't like the feeling of being stared at. So then my mom came and I said goodbye to Eva... and Christina came a couple minutes later after my mom took me back in to pick up an application to work at the bookstore there so I said hi to Christina and then goodbye to her and Eva again. And Eva got me an application in like a split second because she knew where the stack of them were :P
Sooooo my mom drove me home and then when we got there I realised I'd left the record at the bookstore. So we drove all the way back and I felt even stupider than I'd felt previously tonight. It was still there where I left it, leaning against the window in the café.
So I went home and listened to it. It's scary. I guess I already said that. I'm just remembering Eva was talking a lot about how I mentioned there are things I want to do but I never get myself organized enough to carry them out. And that I have to just want to do it I guess... like if I actually want to do it I'll put the effort into it and I'll be able to keep myself from getting distracted by other stuff. And I talked about my dad's crappy short temper and how I avoided inheriting that and instead I got my mom's passivity. And I really don't eat enough.
I forget what I was going to write at the end here. It was going to be really cool. Stupid short-term memory loss. CURSED MARIJUANA!
Oh now I remember.
Why must everyone I know who has read Perks tell me I remind them of Charlie?