Late nights/morning in a computer lab
Late nights/morning in a computer lab...
Always a classic of college: requires (at least) one energy drink/coffee
feels terrible (next day) but it's a necessary evil
I find I have a distrust of livejournal, for several reasons. It brings out the "_______" people looking for attention (insert emo, or just plain drama, or whatever you will).
And I just don't write about myself and haven't for a while, perhaps largely because I think that my life isn't really worth writing about these days, and I don't want to bother anyone with my inane rambling any more than I do already. There are times where I feel like I have something to say, and latter think, "What the fuck was up my ass that day?" Do we all feel that way to some degree? I know that in my experience the world is full of hypocrites, myself included. I criticize smoking and smoke regardless, I counsel health and eat poorly (far too much sugar, meat, etc). But I am not so judgmental as some may believe. I have so much hope. I only struggle to have faith in myself. Unfortunately, this struggle is one which cannot be explained or communicated with an ease. Faith and hope are desirous, and often we become deeply entangled in our love, our hope, our dreams. It is only natural to rationally consider the likelihood of our dreams coming true, but this shouldn't ever cause us to lose sight of the importance of having those dreams. I believe my depression has killed many of my dreams. Sometimes I don't think I have any dreams left; certainly, I lose sight of them at low periods. Occasionally, I have lost myself nearly completely and I can't apologize enough for the pain I have caused in such liminal states.
I think my worst fear is that because I don't love myself, I can never really satisfy someone who loves me.
Sorry for this emo, overly-apologetic LJ post.
Always a classic of college: requires (at least) one energy drink/coffee
feels terrible (next day) but it's a necessary evil
I find I have a distrust of livejournal, for several reasons. It brings out the "_______" people looking for attention (insert emo, or just plain drama, or whatever you will).
And I just don't write about myself and haven't for a while, perhaps largely because I think that my life isn't really worth writing about these days, and I don't want to bother anyone with my inane rambling any more than I do already. There are times where I feel like I have something to say, and latter think, "What the fuck was up my ass that day?" Do we all feel that way to some degree? I know that in my experience the world is full of hypocrites, myself included. I criticize smoking and smoke regardless, I counsel health and eat poorly (far too much sugar, meat, etc). But I am not so judgmental as some may believe. I have so much hope. I only struggle to have faith in myself. Unfortunately, this struggle is one which cannot be explained or communicated with an ease. Faith and hope are desirous, and often we become deeply entangled in our love, our hope, our dreams. It is only natural to rationally consider the likelihood of our dreams coming true, but this shouldn't ever cause us to lose sight of the importance of having those dreams. I believe my depression has killed many of my dreams. Sometimes I don't think I have any dreams left; certainly, I lose sight of them at low periods. Occasionally, I have lost myself nearly completely and I can't apologize enough for the pain I have caused in such liminal states.
I think my worst fear is that because I don't love myself, I can never really satisfy someone who loves me.
Sorry for this emo, overly-apologetic LJ post.