Comments | ben10_x_kevin11: If only I had wittier titles.

chainey_clink in ben10_x_kevin11

If only I had wittier titles.

Apr 16, 2010 23:49

Dear gods, it's fanfiction. Proof that I contribute to this fandom with more than just cmvs!

Title: Slip of the Tongue
Pairing: Bevin, maybe others vaguely implied in the future
Chapter: 1/?
Warnings: Eventual boyslash. Bad words.
Summary: No one could mind their own business anymore. It wasn't as if anything strange was going on between him and Kevin, ( Read more... )

~slip of the tongue, poster: chainey_clink, fanfiction

Comments 7

darth_animus April 17 2010, 12:17:04 UTC

Oh this is BRILLIANT. Thanks for sharing. Do go on. <3

chainey_clink April 17 2010, 13:56:03 UTC

Thank you! I've got part of the second chapter already written, so that should be soon.

tonks17 April 17 2010, 20:00:56 UTC

I think this has the potential to be pretty good if you've got a good plot. Work on making the narrative-dialogue-internal thoughts a little more easy to distinguish, perhaps? The only beef I have with it is the formatting. The indenting instead of block paragraphing makes my eyes hurt a little.

I made you a title tag for the fic, so tag each chapter with "~slip of the tongue" so they will be grouped together nice & easy for people to find once you have multiple chapters up. :D

chainey_clink April 18 2010, 17:02:33 UTC

Thank you for the tag and the critique! I can fix that formatting up right quick. I remember staring at it and going 'wait, that wasn't supposed to happen. CRAP.'

saiika_von_maou April 21 2010, 07:12:58 UTC

You know what really impresses me? The fact that you used "Why don't you like my boyfriend?" as a "slip of the tongue" (clever) and it actually felt like something that could happen. Realistically. Like, you didn't just write it for the laughs. Does that make sense? O.o I hope so, cuz it did work very well. Very impressive. *thumbs up*

The only complaint I have is the feel of the dialogue...it's less awkward on Ben's level and more awkward on the reader's level. Doesn't seem to fit right to me. Other than that, I thought your characterization was really natural, and the story seems interesting. :3 I'm looking forward to more. :D

chainey_clink April 21 2010, 22:07:06 UTC

:D Thanks. And yeah, my problem with writing seems to travel back to my failure at dialog. Whyyy can I never get the voices right?

saiika_von_maou April 21 2010, 22:12:16 UTC

You're welcome! :3 We all have our things. I still wish I were better at details. >.< Maybe just have an episode going on in the background, so you're really hearing them. IDK. Find something that works. Don't get discouraged. :3