It's a Secret...but you know it's not.
Everything in my life either has its extreme highs, or its extreme lows at the moment. I'm not sure what to think of it.
Dad says I didn't do anything wrong. Mom says I should play nice and kill with kindness...and we all know that's just not gonna happen. I guess the one thing that really upset me is the fact that you think I'm jealous that you have a life. Let's review.
I have a full-time job. I might complain about it often enough, but I have way more funny stories than anyone else will have unless they work in the same field *AKA, Emily* I don't have much energy during the day, I sleep most of the time, and other times I hang out with my friends, take walks, spend time with my boyfriend doing something somewhat productive not just making out. I go out with friends about every weekend or so, helping me not to go crazy with a crazy busy schedule. I do a number of different things with probably 10 different people a week. What can you say about yourself? You spend the week with your boyfriend? Don't get me wrong, that's great. And it's gonna happen, I'm not being naive. But you don't seem to have an individual personality anymore, and that hurts more than anything. I ask if you wanna go to walmart or something really quick and I get the response that you have homework, which is cool. But then I notice later that for at least 3 or more hours you go out with your boyfriend, that you sit on the couch and watch tv. What happened to that friend I used to know? She's gone, and unfortunatly, nothing I can say will change or bring her back. And the strange thing is that I never saw this person coming. Like, from nowhere, an uncaring individual just broke free. My point to talking to the both of you was to make you realize how horrible you are treating your "friend" but it all came out wrong. I had 5 days to brew all of the anger I had about you leaving and not saying anything. I'm sorry for yelling, I am not really sorry for telling you how I felt. It was all true. I feel everything I said, unfortunatly, and I wish I didn't feel that way. The only bad part of my life is living with you. That is the one thing I thought would actually work out really well...strangely enough, everything else is going really well and living with you has gone to crap. You know how I work...I don't respect people who don't respect me. And lately, I have not recieved any sort of respect from you at all. That does not give a terrific excuse for my actions, and I appologize, again. But I am not getting any sort of remorse for anything that you have done. I'm not a perfecte angel like I always think I am, I am sure I've done wrong. But lately, it seems as if I am the only one that seems to care in the house about any sort of roommate situation.
I'm not jealous of your life. I am actually feeling sorry for it. You might be happy, but I don't see you being happy because I never get the chance. I never get the chance to hang out with you. I never get the chance to have dinner, lunch, go shopping with you. That used to be a daily occurrance...or every other day at least...and it just never happens anymore. I don't know how many times I have to say come in and wake me up if you need to say something or just wanna talk or whatever. Here's me saying it again, come in, talk to me, ask me to go out, ask me to walk with you, talk with you...WHATEVER! I miss my friend. I cried this weekend, I cried tonight...not because of the fight. I knew that was going to happen, but I cried because I hate knowing that you and I were best friends a month ago. Suddenly something has changed, and me being the psychologist that I am, I still can't figure it out. I don't know what else to do...and we all know that my way to fix things is by keeping it inside for a while, letting it pent up and then suddenly springing it all out into a wonderful song of anger.
Eh. I don't know what else to say. This entry is all for you. I hope you reply, because maybe this will be a little more civil than talking in person. That's how I want to START to resolve this. I don't want to resolve the whole thing via LJ, but somehow, it needs to start a little more calmly with no yelling...and I'm thinking this is the best way to do it. In the meantime, I meant everything that I said. Somehow, I still love you enough to try to figure it out. And I hope you do, too.
Dad says I didn't do anything wrong. Mom says I should play nice and kill with kindness...and we all know that's just not gonna happen. I guess the one thing that really upset me is the fact that you think I'm jealous that you have a life. Let's review.
I have a full-time job. I might complain about it often enough, but I have way more funny stories than anyone else will have unless they work in the same field *AKA, Emily* I don't have much energy during the day, I sleep most of the time, and other times I hang out with my friends, take walks, spend time with my boyfriend doing something somewhat productive not just making out. I go out with friends about every weekend or so, helping me not to go crazy with a crazy busy schedule. I do a number of different things with probably 10 different people a week. What can you say about yourself? You spend the week with your boyfriend? Don't get me wrong, that's great. And it's gonna happen, I'm not being naive. But you don't seem to have an individual personality anymore, and that hurts more than anything. I ask if you wanna go to walmart or something really quick and I get the response that you have homework, which is cool. But then I notice later that for at least 3 or more hours you go out with your boyfriend, that you sit on the couch and watch tv. What happened to that friend I used to know? She's gone, and unfortunatly, nothing I can say will change or bring her back. And the strange thing is that I never saw this person coming. Like, from nowhere, an uncaring individual just broke free. My point to talking to the both of you was to make you realize how horrible you are treating your "friend" but it all came out wrong. I had 5 days to brew all of the anger I had about you leaving and not saying anything. I'm sorry for yelling, I am not really sorry for telling you how I felt. It was all true. I feel everything I said, unfortunatly, and I wish I didn't feel that way. The only bad part of my life is living with you. That is the one thing I thought would actually work out really well...strangely enough, everything else is going really well and living with you has gone to crap. You know how I work...I don't respect people who don't respect me. And lately, I have not recieved any sort of respect from you at all. That does not give a terrific excuse for my actions, and I appologize, again. But I am not getting any sort of remorse for anything that you have done. I'm not a perfecte angel like I always think I am, I am sure I've done wrong. But lately, it seems as if I am the only one that seems to care in the house about any sort of roommate situation.
I'm not jealous of your life. I am actually feeling sorry for it. You might be happy, but I don't see you being happy because I never get the chance. I never get the chance to hang out with you. I never get the chance to have dinner, lunch, go shopping with you. That used to be a daily occurrance...or every other day at least...and it just never happens anymore. I don't know how many times I have to say come in and wake me up if you need to say something or just wanna talk or whatever. Here's me saying it again, come in, talk to me, ask me to go out, ask me to walk with you, talk with you...WHATEVER! I miss my friend. I cried this weekend, I cried tonight...not because of the fight. I knew that was going to happen, but I cried because I hate knowing that you and I were best friends a month ago. Suddenly something has changed, and me being the psychologist that I am, I still can't figure it out. I don't know what else to do...and we all know that my way to fix things is by keeping it inside for a while, letting it pent up and then suddenly springing it all out into a wonderful song of anger.
Eh. I don't know what else to say. This entry is all for you. I hope you reply, because maybe this will be a little more civil than talking in person. That's how I want to START to resolve this. I don't want to resolve the whole thing via LJ, but somehow, it needs to start a little more calmly with no yelling...and I'm thinking this is the best way to do it. In the meantime, I meant everything that I said. Somehow, I still love you enough to try to figure it out. And I hope you do, too.