gmeh.
agh,
i've hit a wall today. i'm totally exhausted all of the sudden, and i don't want to do anything... even capitalize my "i"s. i've been in austin now for what... nearly a month, and I feel like i'm doing nothing. i no longer feel like i have a direction or a goal. i don't really care what i do. i just want something to fill the time and pay the bills. ugh. i have meetings and phone calls and whatnot to make, but i don't really care about any of them anymore. it just feels like i talk to someone, and he or she passes me on to someone else, who passes me on to someone else, in a never-ending chain of people who aren't really interested in giving me a job or pointing me towards one, but would love to be an expert on finding people who can... i now have a meeting tomorrow with a professor at UT, who does something in education... i dunno. in any event, i really don't want to do it... but i know i must. i must keep striving and pushing and fighting and mother-fucking-doing-it-anyways in the hopes that someday, somehow, it will come together in some cohesive and obvious image that is my career, and i will look back and say "oh, of course that is what i'd end up doing." right now i'm just a discouraged, slightly bored little monkey with too much time on his hands, who won't allow himself to just get stoned all the time. gmeh.
i've hit a wall today. i'm totally exhausted all of the sudden, and i don't want to do anything... even capitalize my "i"s. i've been in austin now for what... nearly a month, and I feel like i'm doing nothing. i no longer feel like i have a direction or a goal. i don't really care what i do. i just want something to fill the time and pay the bills. ugh. i have meetings and phone calls and whatnot to make, but i don't really care about any of them anymore. it just feels like i talk to someone, and he or she passes me on to someone else, who passes me on to someone else, in a never-ending chain of people who aren't really interested in giving me a job or pointing me towards one, but would love to be an expert on finding people who can... i now have a meeting tomorrow with a professor at UT, who does something in education... i dunno. in any event, i really don't want to do it... but i know i must. i must keep striving and pushing and fighting and mother-fucking-doing-it-anyways in the hopes that someday, somehow, it will come together in some cohesive and obvious image that is my career, and i will look back and say "oh, of course that is what i'd end up doing." right now i'm just a discouraged, slightly bored little monkey with too much time on his hands, who won't allow himself to just get stoned all the time. gmeh.