chocolate buttons.
Right, pull self together time.
How I feel:
1. Sick.
2. Dizzy.
3. Not hungry.
4. Headachey.
5. Sore feet/knees/legs.
6. Sad.
7. Lonely.
8. Empty.
9. Bored.
10. Scared.
11. Tearful.
12. Exhausted.
Conclusion: Bleh.
Reasons I feel bleh:
1. I've only eaten two slices of cake today.
2. It's dark.
3. Joe's not here.
4. Meeting people from Council re Dissertation on Fri; no preparation done, just general argh.
5. Won't get to see Sol, Joby etc on Saturday :(
6. No internet at 'home', nothing to do etc.
7. Helped at New Roots stall at Fresher's Fair, which was hectic, then walked lots, then went to work, then walked lots. Tired.
8. It's dark.
9. Got to get up early tomorrow, for NR shift. Ate Aye Emm. Fucking hell. Doubt ability to sleep early, doubt likelihood that Joe won't come back v. late and wake self up.
10. Seán's invited me for a picnic in the Peaks for his birthday. Nothing I'd adore more, but Person X is going, and I find myself loathe to spend time in their company. Maybe that's ridiculous. Maybe I can get over that - but right now I'm tired, and it doesn't feel like I can. Just feels like another way I'm suffering and they're not, and I can't help but resent it.
11. Wanted to do some reading tonight, also work out what's going on re various evening activities. But feel horribly, impossibly tired.
12. To get home I have to wait in the dark and cold and get a dark cold bus.
13. It's dark and cold.
14. I'm tired.
15. I've only eaten two slices of cake today.
How I can make things better:
1. Food would probably help, despite lack of apparent hunger. But where from? Walking sounds 'orrible. Could go to Sainsbury's. What food? Something healthy, nutricious, filling, yet that will cheer me up. Can't think of anything I fancy.
Graeme says soup, this actually appeals. Tinned soup and some manner of roll. Rarely like tinned soup, weirdly sounds good now.
2. Getting home, putting lots of light and music on. Getting into pyjamas, finding a film or similar that appeals. Coddling self generally. Have been fairly brave and productive in the past few days, think I deserve it.
3. Reminding self that is all okay and don't need to panic.
~ Money: have job, is fine.
~ Course: been to all lectures and seminars this week, don't need to think about it until Saturday.
~ Dissertation: would be good to start some reading, but can do that tomorrow. Have hours inbetween New Roots and Work.
~ Joe: he loves me, he's off having fun, so I know he's happy, and he's getting me a pony for my birthday ^^
~ People generally: getting on with housemates, met with few people in last few days, is all good and happy. Sustain people sent me a lovely card to say thanks for my work over the summer ^_^
~ If I go home now and aim to be asleep by twelve, even if Joe wakes me up I can just go back to sleep again. All I need to do is relax.
~ I get to see Mama and Papa and Duncs on Saturday, yay ^_^
~ I helped at New Roots today and earned money cleaning and spent time with Housemate Mark, New Roots Oli, Brother Jack, Boyfriend Joe.
~ I want to cry :(
~ That's just because I'm hungry and tired. HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. I'm three of those. Therefore I'm definitely not in a position to evaluate my life.
Oh, tsh at everything. What is there? Me. In boots and shorts and jumper. Hungry, but not starving. Bit of an itchy nose. In love, with blue nails. May stand up, may stay sitting here. Chair's quite comfortable. What am I doing tomorrow? There's Singsoc. But also a thing. A meeting-up thing. Hmm. It's every first thursday of the month. I think I'll go the one that's every third thurs, and go to singsoc tomorrow, because is first one, etc. Okay, texted Jess. Mailed group. That's tomorrow sorted!
Friday. Said I'd go to this greyhound demonstration thing, but think something else was going to clash with that. What was it?
What the fuck was it? There was definitely something.
Oh, DUH, work. Hmm. Could, if I cleaned raa quickly, still meet them at the stadium. I think the tram would take me straight there. Sent email asking if would be worth it. That's Friday sorted!
My legs have gone very peculiar, can barely walk.
Oh, must find Philos. department tomorrow and make sure am properly registered.
Why does this time at night always feel so shit? I'm lonely and tired and hungry and need a cuddle :(
Shall be okay.
SAUP time.
xxxxx
How I feel:
1. Sick.
2. Dizzy.
3. Not hungry.
4. Headachey.
5. Sore feet/knees/legs.
6. Sad.
7. Lonely.
8. Empty.
9. Bored.
10. Scared.
11. Tearful.
12. Exhausted.
Conclusion: Bleh.
Reasons I feel bleh:
1. I've only eaten two slices of cake today.
2. It's dark.
3. Joe's not here.
4. Meeting people from Council re Dissertation on Fri; no preparation done, just general argh.
5. Won't get to see Sol, Joby etc on Saturday :(
6. No internet at 'home', nothing to do etc.
7. Helped at New Roots stall at Fresher's Fair, which was hectic, then walked lots, then went to work, then walked lots. Tired.
8. It's dark.
9. Got to get up early tomorrow, for NR shift. Ate Aye Emm. Fucking hell. Doubt ability to sleep early, doubt likelihood that Joe won't come back v. late and wake self up.
10. Seán's invited me for a picnic in the Peaks for his birthday. Nothing I'd adore more, but Person X is going, and I find myself loathe to spend time in their company. Maybe that's ridiculous. Maybe I can get over that - but right now I'm tired, and it doesn't feel like I can. Just feels like another way I'm suffering and they're not, and I can't help but resent it.
11. Wanted to do some reading tonight, also work out what's going on re various evening activities. But feel horribly, impossibly tired.
12. To get home I have to wait in the dark and cold and get a dark cold bus.
13. It's dark and cold.
14. I'm tired.
15. I've only eaten two slices of cake today.
How I can make things better:
1. Food would probably help, despite lack of apparent hunger. But where from? Walking sounds 'orrible. Could go to Sainsbury's. What food? Something healthy, nutricious, filling, yet that will cheer me up. Can't think of anything I fancy.
Graeme says soup, this actually appeals. Tinned soup and some manner of roll. Rarely like tinned soup, weirdly sounds good now.
2. Getting home, putting lots of light and music on. Getting into pyjamas, finding a film or similar that appeals. Coddling self generally. Have been fairly brave and productive in the past few days, think I deserve it.
3. Reminding self that is all okay and don't need to panic.
~ Money: have job, is fine.
~ Course: been to all lectures and seminars this week, don't need to think about it until Saturday.
~ Dissertation: would be good to start some reading, but can do that tomorrow. Have hours inbetween New Roots and Work.
~ Joe: he loves me, he's off having fun, so I know he's happy, and he's getting me a pony for my birthday ^^
~ People generally: getting on with housemates, met with few people in last few days, is all good and happy. Sustain people sent me a lovely card to say thanks for my work over the summer ^_^
~ If I go home now and aim to be asleep by twelve, even if Joe wakes me up I can just go back to sleep again. All I need to do is relax.
~ I get to see Mama and Papa and Duncs on Saturday, yay ^_^
~ I helped at New Roots today and earned money cleaning and spent time with Housemate Mark, New Roots Oli, Brother Jack, Boyfriend Joe.
~ I want to cry :(
~ That's just because I'm hungry and tired. HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. I'm three of those. Therefore I'm definitely not in a position to evaluate my life.
Oh, tsh at everything. What is there? Me. In boots and shorts and jumper. Hungry, but not starving. Bit of an itchy nose. In love, with blue nails. May stand up, may stay sitting here. Chair's quite comfortable. What am I doing tomorrow? There's Singsoc. But also a thing. A meeting-up thing. Hmm. It's every first thursday of the month. I think I'll go the one that's every third thurs, and go to singsoc tomorrow, because is first one, etc. Okay, texted Jess. Mailed group. That's tomorrow sorted!
Friday. Said I'd go to this greyhound demonstration thing, but think something else was going to clash with that. What was it?
What the fuck was it? There was definitely something.
Oh, DUH, work. Hmm. Could, if I cleaned raa quickly, still meet them at the stadium. I think the tram would take me straight there. Sent email asking if would be worth it. That's Friday sorted!
My legs have gone very peculiar, can barely walk.
Oh, must find Philos. department tomorrow and make sure am properly registered.
Why does this time at night always feel so shit? I'm lonely and tired and hungry and need a cuddle :(
Shall be okay.
SAUP time.
xxxxx