30 Days of Hogan's Heroes - Day 8
Long post behind the cut :o)
Day 8 - Favourite episode?
“Klink vs. the Gonculator”. Everything about this episode is fantastic.
Picture, if you will, Carter building a bunny trap (and demonstrating how it’s supposed to work with a furry hat), because you can only have so much Spam and LeBeau promised to make Hasenpfeffer for dinner.
Carter (holding a furry hat): This is the rabbit.
Hogan: Sure it is.
Carter: Hippity-hoppity, hippity-hip. Hippity-hoppity, hippity-hop. He sees the trap. “What is this?”
Newkirk: Even the bloody rabbit doesn’t know what it is.
Carter (as the ‘rabbit’): “Shall I look inside? It looks harmless.”
Hogan: I don’t know about the trap, but the story you’re telling would make a great movie.
The trap springs, imprisoning the hapless hat.
Meanwhile, Hogan gets tasked with helping a German Major, who is part of the Underground and an electronics expert, to defect. After his first plan fails, he falls back on using Carter’s rabbit trap (which he told Schultz was actually a ‘gonculator’, surely you know about it, latest technology, of course yours is a bit different from ours).
Schultz tells Klink, who orders him to spy on the Barracks 2 gang. Said gang proceed to troll him by making him believe the gonculator has shiny lights, whistles and can light cigarettes. And finally stop, saying they need the “Lutz diagrams” - about three times, loudly and slowly enough for Schultz to get - Lutz being the name of the would-be defector.
Meanwhile, Klink phones a supply officer for precisions, then tells Burkhalter, who phones the same supply officer, who of course knows by now that the only way to avoid admitting he has no idea what they’re talking about is to fake knowledge and say it’s classified. It’s basically The Emperor’s New Clothes, and seeing all those men pretend to know more than the other when they’re absolutely clueless is priceless, especially when they’re faced with the thing and it doesn’t make any more sense.
In the end, when they plug in the gonculator, it explodes (sorta), providing cover for the electronics expert to disappear down the tunnel, and Hogan promises Klink never to make another gonculator.
Then, miracle of miracles! Carter catches a rabbit with his ruined trap.
Carter: How about that? We’re going to have that Hasenpfeffer after all! (picks up the rabbit) That’s what you’re gonna be: Hasenpfeffer. (pause) Why’s he looking at me like that?
Hogan: Well, Carter, how would you feel if someone just told you you were going to be Hasenpfeffer?
Carter: Okay. Go home. (The rabbit hops right back into the trap)
Newkirk: Hey, looks like he’s found a home with us.
Carter: He likes us! Let’s keep it as a pet. One rabbit won’t be too much trouble, will it, Colonel?
Hogan: Carter, my boy, I must tell you the truth - there is no such thing as one rabbit.
The end. Sorry for the messy recap :P
PS: The word ‘Gonkulator’ was later used by computer geeks to indicate the piece of hardware they liked less. It’s also the name of a DOD Electronics guitar effect pedal from the 1990s. Too cool for words.